"When you look at this football column, this is a football column that writes columns the way columns are supposed to be written." - Mark Schlereth

Since the Giants rushing offense completely destroys the opposition, the trio of Brandon Jacobs, Derrick Ward and Ahmad Bradshaw is gaining recognition as "Earth, Wind and Fire." The league's lone unbeaten boasts the duo of LenDale White and Chris Johnson, otherwise known as "Smash and Dash". Sure, it sounds more like the promiscuous lifestyle of Adam Jones, or the act of LenDale skipping out on the tab of a late night binge at a Nashville diner, and it isn't nearly as cool as the name of a a 70s funk band, but I suppose "Smash and Dash" will suffice.

That being the case, it's only fair to offer up a few more tag team names for other running back tandems and trios. Here are a few I'm pulling for.

MegaBalls -Michael Turner and Jerious Norwood, Atlanta Falcons

It's been said that Michael Turner runs like a bowling ball with spikes. His partner in crime also has a way of rolling across the field, bouncing off would-be tacklers. Since both guys hover around the 5'10" mark, I'm taking the liberty to cut them from the same cloth. Megaballs it is. Added bonus: it allows people in the online world to make jokes about balls. Ha. Balls.

The New Thunder and Lightning - Marion Barber and Felix Jones, Dallas Cowboys

Though Jones has been out with injury for over a month, he and Marion Barber formed a pretty formidable duo in their short time together. Like Ron Dayne and Tiki Barber before them, the Cowboys runners offer an awesome display of power and speed. I have no idea who decided that lightning is actually a faster meteorological phenomenon than thunder, but apparently it is.

Note: As is the case with most "new" tag teams in wrestling, the New Thunder and Lightning won't be together long, as one of them will turn on the other with the aid of a steel chair, sledge hammer or glass window.

Saran Wrap and Tin Foil -Brian Westbrook and Correll Buckhalter, Philadelphia Eagles

Both prove very useful and both have the physical endurance to sustain well, nothing. And while they can be effective when healthy, too often their coach would rather use Tupperware. Stubborn bastard.

Kevin and Rudi -Kevin Smith and Rudi Johnson, Detroit Lions

Detroit Lions don't deserve cool nicknames.

Cookies and Cream -DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, Carolina Panthers

To an outsider unfamiliar with the Panthers, Jonathan Stewart sounds like a white man ...

Hello, I'm Jonathan Stewart, and welcome to another edition of "Water: Our Most Precious Resource" on the History Channel.

His colleague DeAngelo has hair that reminds me of the Oreo cookie bits found in a Dairy Queen blizzard. I see no reason why Cookies and Cream can't catch on. And I'm hungry. MMMM. Dairy Queen Blizzard.

The Pot Brownies -Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams, Miami Dolphins

Ricky Williams loves weed. Ronnie Brown's name works wonders as a delicious dessert when combined into one word (MMMM. Brownies.). You never know what you're going to get from week to week with these two. One week, Brown is rushing for 100 yards, the next it's Ricky Williams. And some times, both guys are lazy and just kind of hang out while other Dolphins provide the offense.

Selvin Young's quest for 2000 rushing yards hits bump in the road

In a surprise win in Atlanta, the Broncos employed a running back-by-committee approach to run 25 times with five different players. Rookie fullback Peyton Hillis rushed 10 times and scored twice and even Tatum freaking Bell got in on the action with seven rushes. Olandis Gary and Mike Anderson did not play, by the way (JK! LOL, OMG!!!). Denver improved to 6-4 in a game Roddy White let slip through his hands in the final minute, when he dropped a Matt Ryan pass in the corner of the end zone. Speaking of people with white names ... that Roddy White really sounds Caucasian.

Anyway, the bad news for Denver fans is that Selvin Young did not play because of ongoing groin issues. As a result, he's still stuck on 48 rushes on the season for 268 yards. I don't want to be Captain Bringdown on this beautiful Monday morning, but unless Young rushes for 1732 yards in the final six games, he's not going to make his goal of 2,000 yards. Anything is possible, but averaging 287 rushing yards per game the rest of the way won't be easy, especially with that tender groin.

If you're keeping score at home, Selvin follows in the footsteps of Steven Jackson, who predicted 2,500 total yards prior to the '07 campaign. He ended up with 1,273. However, if you combine Jackson's '07 and '08 totals, he's at 2,057 yards with six games to go. Mount up, Steven. Mount up.

All signs point upward for Bengals and Eagles

I loved the reaction from the media after Philly's 13-13 tie with the Bengals in Cincinnati. The ESPN crew mentioned that this could be a good sign for the Eagles because the last two teams to tie were the 2002 Steelers and Falcons, both of whom made the playoffs. That's all well and good, but what about the 1-8-1 Bengals? Are we to believe history is on their side too? Hardly. The only one win team to make the playoffs in college or the pros was the Minnesota State Screaming Eagles, coached by Hayden Fox.

As for the rest of the season, I'd like to see Cincinnati tie in every game, just so the team could finish the season and Marvin Lewis' tenure with a most appropriate 1-8-7. It's pretty much the only thing left for Chris Henry to accomplish.

Tony Romo just having fun out there



Colts fans cast their pro bowl votes for Sage Rosenfels

No opposing quarterback has done more for Indianapolis in a two game span than poor Sage. In Week 5, he handed the game to the Colts on a platter with a 4th quarter meltdown. Yesterday, he ended any chance of a game-winning drive with a horrible interception that didn't come close to anyone wearing a Texans jersey.

Since Sage has been as big a contributor to the Colts as their commercial-hungry quarterback in the two games between the teams, I think it's only fair that Mastercard hire Rosenfels as its spokesperson. "Realizing the obese fan in the front row could have thrown that interception ... priceless."

See what I did there? Man, those Mastercard promos are something to behold. Creativity.

Attention-starved Jerry Jones offers to have sex with Tony Romo in locker room

Jerry Jones must be peeved this morning. Sure, his Cowboys "saved their season" with a hard fought win in Washington last night, but that's not what Jones is about. He needs his publicity. It's his lifeblood. It's what makes him tick. In the days leading up to last night's game, Jones tried a few things to get people talking about him, his team and his new stadium. He publicly reaffirmed his belief in Wade Phillips and stated he'd be willing to take Adam Jones back. And ... NOTHING. No one cared. Not even the knee-jerk media cared. The Skins/Cowboys also marked the return engagement of Terrell Owens and DeAngelo Hall and ... NOTHING. All people cared about was ... football, and pinkies. What a load of crap.

Look for Jones to stick his fingers in an active blender later this week, or stick them in the tire-wheel of a weight room bicycle.

Tony Romo once again leading the league in smiles



Favre-led Packers would have won 52-3

The Favre Zealots probably didn't grasp why the Packers dominated the Bears on Sunday, so let's do a quick, simple review.

Packers defense plays well + Ryan Grant plays well + the quarterback plays his consistent, steady game = Packers Win! See, because when the defense doesn't play well and the opposition controls the clock with a dominant running game, the Packers chance of winning lessens.

2 Minute Run and Shoot No Huddle Drill

It’s gotten to the point where the brass at ESPN must finally be thinking that Chris Berman should not be allowed to dress himself.

The Cowboys play in Washington proved that the team’s primary achilles heel starts with the offensive line – the strength of every good Cowboys team since the Jimmy Johnson years. Tony Romo’s mobility and quick release previously hid the offensive line’s poor play – something that was clear as day when the immobile, 78-year-old Brad Johnson was filling in for Romo. Johnson has the worst helmet in all of football, by the way.

Bob Costas' hair is looking more and more unnatural, almost to the point when Bob Barker said eff it, I'm going with the white. The rumor around NBC studios is that Costas is natural red head.

Rod Marinelli spoke to reporters after the game and issued them a challenge: to find anybody on the street who could come in and compete for the Lions. Someone suggested the Lions use Mitch Albom as a tackling dummy. While I'd love to see the self important prick writhe in pain, I think his services could be better used defensively, as his ears could start at both cornerback slots and blanket the field.

Troy Aikman and Joe Buck got into a tickle fight while on assignment this week, though FOX refused to confirm.

Aggravating Travel Note of the Week

I was heading towards San Francisco for the rematch of the 1989 NFC Championship game between the Rams and 49ers when I realized I had forgotten to put the cap on my gas tank. The few seconds of distraction left for a not so joyous meeting with an old woman at a stop sign. I ran her over a few minutes later.