Today Joe Mustache and his staff are taking a different path to celebrating the absurdity of sports.  We put together a list of questions and sent them to St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist Bernie Miklasz.  Earlier this month, St. Louis Sports Magazine named Miklasz #1 on its list of "Most Influential Sports Personality".   Below we hope you'll enjoy our interview, an interview which Miklasz discusses his relationship with Tony LaRussa, the annoying Chris Berman and how he received sex advice from Peter King (yes, we said that right).  ...

Xx You've worked in Baltimore, Washington, Dallas and St. Louis... how do the cities compare as far as media relationship with players, coaches and fans? How do your employers compare?

Baltimore (my hometown) and St. Louis are essentially the same city. Proud and parochial and fiercely protective, and the players, for the most part, want to be neighborly. Washington is another beast; politics is the No. 1 sport there and so Hardball's Chris Matthews is a lot bigger than, say, Clinton Portis. Dallas is what you'd expect. The fans are bold, brash and obnoxious. The media is bold, brash and obnoxious. The athletes are bold, brash and obnoxious. Texas women are overrated; there are more beautiful women in St. Louis. The Baltimore News American gave me a chance. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch gave me an identity. The Dallas Morning News gave me an unofficial masters degree in newspapering; that's where I completed my education.

Xx How would you describe your relationship with Tony LaRussa?

Interesting, to say the least. I like and respect him and admire him. Thoroughly have enjoyed covering him. I've learned a lot about baseball being in his presence. I've never seen a coach/manager put more into it than he does. But he's extremely thin-skinned and sensitive. For a man who has the rep of being a tough guy, his insecurity is surprising. Unless you are praising Tony 100 percent of the time, and really buttering him up, then he thinks you are the enemy, and that you are out to get him fired. After all that he's accomplished, I do not understand his paranoia.

Xx As a columnist, what would you say is your job description?  Is it solely about getting readers at any and all costs?

That's easy. I write what I believe. I just express an opinion. I have no other motives. Keep it simple. Don't try to win an award, don't try to impress your colleagues, don't try to be controversial. Just write what you really think, and be true to yourself.

Xx You were the first mainstream media member in St. Louis and arguably the first mainstreamer on the national scene to become interactive by starting your online forum, Bernie's Press Box: what pushed you in that direction? Was it just foresight?

Not to brag, but I was indeed the first newspaper sports columnist in America to host an online forum, and to dive deeply into the Internet to establish a presence there. For years, colleagues around the nation told me I was out of my freaking mind, to go into a forum and leave myself exposed to crackpots, and to duke it out with readers. My reaction to that? Come down out of the ivory tower, boys and girls. Get off the high horse. Newspapers aren't going to dominate the way they used to in, say, 1939. There's an online community, and it's growing fast. This is the future. Leap into it. Relate to the readers. Show them that you care. Show them that you don't think you're above it all, and that you'll meet them on their turf, and engage in a spirited discussion. And you might just learn what's important to them, which will make you a better journalist and columnist. So yes, I was proud to be way ahead of the curve.

Xx What do you see for the future in sports journalism for newspapers?

People think the Internet is killing newspapers; I think the Internet is making the written word more valuable than ever. Sports journalism has new life, new blood, new creativity because of the Internet. There's more terrific stuff to read online now than at anytime in my lifetime - the kind of variety and diversity and different approaches that you just can't get in a print edition. Because of 24-hour sports talk, 24-hour blogging, 24-hour ESPNs, 24-hour web sites, newspapers have to transition and find ways to fit and be important. To narrow my focus: writing dry game stories ain't gonna cut it. We need to take advantage of our access, or expertise, and explain WHY something happened in a game and what it means instead of merely reporting on what happened.

-- At Media Day during Super Bowl week, you wrote in the Post-Dispatch...

"People at the Super Bowl who need to go away: Chris Berman. Roland Williams. The Los Angeles Times sportswriter who wanted Tank Johnson to apologize "to society." (We sportswriters tend to take ourselves just a bit too seriously.) The two geeky rejects (including the infamous "bush baby") from "American Idol" who invaded Media Day to sing badly. The 15 minutes are up, fellas. Leave. But the provocatively dressed TV reporter from Mexico can stay."


I have an idea who the LA Times writer you're referring to is (his name rhymes with Dill Raschke), but what made Boomer stand out?

Boomer is the most annoying person in sports media. Anywhere. He was just being himself. Need I say more?

Xx You touched on sportswriters "taking themselves too seriously" in that piece - what is with that? It's kind of an inside joke amongst us bloggers (who still live in our mother's basement), but does that sector of media elitists really exist and is it really THAT bad?

I cured myself of that a long time ago. I'm a sportswriter. I'm not working a health clinic in Darfur. I'm not marching with Bono to erase Third World debt. We're sportswriters. Yes, the games are important on a certain level. A huge part of the community, and a great shared interest that brings us all together. We can bring some pleasure to our little corner of the sports globe. But in the end, it's a game. We cover games. So I can tell you a lot about why the Rams are bad at stopping the run, or why the thin Cardinals' starting pitching is going to eventually blow up the team's bullpen. I can even tell you about Albert Pujols and what makes him tick. And I can even pontificate and tell Larry Biondi to get his SLU basketball program in order (he did). But what is it about sportswriters that causes us to believe we're changing the world, and that our work is so important, that everyone must clear out of the way, and defer? Or why do we expect athletes to provide all of the answers that would solve the mysteries of the cosmos? It's preposterous.

Xx What are your feelings on the columnists who appear on TV shows such as Around the Horn? Is that something you've ever been offered or been interested in? Do you think that with an increased national exposure, local columnists lose a little credibility in their hometown?

I am happy to do some ESPN hits, and have done many through the years, especially for Bob Ley on Outside the Lines. And whenever Kornheiser and Wilbon ask me to do PTI - probably about six or seven times the last five years - I'm pleased to do that, because they are old chums of mine, and it's a damned good show. I hate Around the Horn. It turns sportswriters into trained seals. For top dollar, of course. Embarrassing on every level. Yeah, I think that if a local columnist goes "national" too often, he / she runs the risk of being perceived as losing touch with their community.

Xx You were largely responsible for getting Roger Werhli in to the Pro Football Hall of Fame with your presentation this past January. In one sentence, describe your reaction upon learning he was accepted.

Pure elation, the happiest I've ever been as a sportswriter.

Xx We noted in the Media Circus that your "presentation" makes us think the Hall of Fame voting process is like an episode of LA Law. You commented that it wasn't that far off. What does that say for all Hall of Fames in general?

Well, they're different. Baseball is a paper ballot, sent to your home, and you can do whatever the hell you want with it, and you don't have to answer to anyone. With football, it's a courtroom. You have to make the convincing case for your candidate, and you have to be prepared to counter any criticism of his credentials. Both are imperfect, but I prefer the football system. Because at least there is a discussion, and at least you have to answer to someone.

Xx We joked on your show this past winter about Peter King's name dropping in his MMQB column, what are your thoughts on King's writing style which includes ample personal information (colonoscopies, LASIK procedures, etc.)?

OK, here's a Peter King story for you. From a long time ago. We were sitting around at an NFL meeting. We were talking about families. I was mentioning how I was trying to have a child with my wife. Peter asked if we were having problems conceiving. Honestly, we weren't, but that didn't stop him from trying to assist. He went onto to explain, in very serious and clinical detail, about how to position the woman in an ideal way to maximize the potential of the seed finding its designated target. It was incredibly impressive (and I'm not being a smart ass when I say that). He was like Vince Lombardi breaking down the power sweep. "You get a seal here, a seal here, and take it straight down the alley." Or something like that. But the scary thing is, the next time we made the attempt to conceive - well, hell, I won't go into detail, but let's just say that I was thinking of Peter King's advice.

Now, I doubt that an image of Peter King is what you want in your head at that particular moment, but believe it or not, his tips on conception apparently were effective. That's Peter: an absolute know it all. But that is also his charm. And now you are about to throw up, correct?

Xx Did you like how we just name-dropped Bernie Miklasz as guy who "joked with us on the radio that one time"?
Always name drop. Did I tell you that Rick Majerus sent me a copy of Bill Bradley's latest book on American politics?

Time for the Steel Cage, er, rapid fire questions.

Xx Favorite event you've ever covered?
Tommy Hearnes vs. Marvin Hagler, Vegas, 1985. Greatest first round in boxing history, and I'm sitting 10 yards from the ring.

Xx Highlight of your professional career?
When the vote was announced and Roger Wehrli was headed to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Xx The price of plutonium plummets and you decide to fuel up your time machine: what one event do you go back in time to cover?
The 1958 NFL Championship, Baltimore Colts at New York Giants, Yankee Stadium. Dec. 28, 1958. The Greatest Game Ever Played. Put the NFL on the map. Made it a TV sport.

Xx Who do you take with you?
My father and both grandfathers went to that game together; I was about six weeks from being born. I'd give anything to go back in time and be in that stadium with them. Boy, do I miss them.

Xx Who are some of your favorite mainstream/national sports writers to read?
Ray Ratto (San Francisco Chronicle); Selena Roberts (NY Times); Mike Wilbon (Washington Post); Martin Fennelly (Tampa Tribune); Jason Whitlock and Joe Posnanski (KC Star), Mark Whicker (Orange County Register); Pat Reusse (Minneapolis Star-Tribune); Randy Galloway (Ft. Worth Star Telegram). And I know I'm leaving out a bunch.

Xx What, if any, are some of your favorite independently run Web sites and sports blogs?
Vivaelbirdos.com, Deadspin.com, baseballprospectus.com, Joesportsfan.com, Sportsjournalists.com, Footballoutsiders.com, Baseballthinkfactory.com

Xx Ever given any thought to discussing LASIK surgeries or colonoscopies on Bernie's Press Box or in the Saturday Bits column?
No, but I do think I should talk a little politics, film, music, books. I like those things. I get tired of talking sports all the time. But that would be for the Press Box.

Xx Ever give any consideration to ditching little, old St. Louis and heading for the big time - New York, Chicago, LA, or Bristol?
Hell, no. I have a great life here. Very appreciative.