Our qualified fan hunters have spent years gathering a set of unique requirements to help us instantly identify extraordinary athletic enthusiasts.

The following fundamentals exist within this distinct list of requirements.

• Not dressed for the occasion: we stick to our claim that black t-shirts only belong in 2 public venues: concerts or riding on the back of a Harley.

• Makeshift bandanas: You just don't strut around the stadium wearing a rolled handkerchief on your head without an attitude to back it up.

• A Raised Alcoholic Beverage: Our studies show that fans who enjoy showing others how much they've drank usually have drank that much.
  

These three requirements are easily identifiable symptoms, and when mixed together, can create quite the stadium ruffian. However, as we peel back layers of this portly onion - we find a stadium phenomenon that has been sweeping through athletic venues for years.

The "Wave Across the Stadium While on a Cellphone Guy".

"Wave Across the Stadium While on a Cellphone Guy" could be a Stanford law student. He could be your boss, or subordinate. It doesn't matter. Much ado has been made about the attention whores that that sit behind homeplate and wave to the camera - while on a cellphone, calling everyone they know. We've progressed as a species by all agreeing that these mongaloids deserve to be tortured on the mound during the 7th inning stretch.

However, isn't standing up in Section 129 and waving to your buddies in section 591 equally loathsome and unnecessary? If two people are talking on the phone in an animated fashion, chances are - they've seen each other many times before.

In fact, the only circumstance that might make sense for "Wave Across the Stadium While on a Cellphone Guy" is a blind date. That might add a whole new dynamic to stadium events and relationship pursuit. Position two blind date subjects in different sections and give them a cell phone number - that's it. Now find each other without leaving your seats.

At the very least, it would give the pair of daters a visual opportunity to call an audible. It would allow the guy to see if the woman has any noticeable assets worth pursuing...and it would give the woman an opportunity to direct the guy to the oversized mulleted woman standing up in the section next to her.