A Restaurant by Any Other Name Is Just as Generic


Albert Pujols wants his name back, damn it. Undoubtedly so he can slap it on some godforsaken Bennigan’s in Orange County.  This was the focus of many a national media headline this week, as the Pujols 5 Westport Grill – is no more.

Please, control your sobbing. Another all-time great Cardinal superstar will come along. And he too will open a crappy restaurant in his name. He probably won’t erect a giant statue of himself in front of it though. That’s pretty arrogant. But you’ll see. It gets better.

Of course, the swirl of media attention had nothing to do with the restaurant’s new name, which was changed to Hall of Fame Sports Bar and Grill – that’s just about as bland as you can get. It just seems that any mention of Pujols is bound to draw attention, even if it’s about a restaurant he didn’t even own.

Hall of Fame…I just hope it’s not named after the International Bowling Hall of Fame. Those bastards skipped town on us too.

Anyway, speaking of bland, whatever the name, its seven regular customers need not worry, not much will change in the way of the fare that’s served – especially considering the fact that the menu was already more generic than Applebee’s.  Many of the same 137 individual entrees from when it was Pujols 5 will remain.

We think some might notice a few differences in the new cuisine though. For example:

Is now:

And of course, any mention of Pujols’ former manager during his 11 seasons in St. Louis, Tony La Russa, is also history, as:

Is now:

The real kicker is that golden calf of a statue is still out front. Apparently, it’s coming too; Albert just didn’t have room in the trunk. It’s only been there for three months, which has to be some sort of record for shortest tenure by a statue in one location.

And we all thought the statue’s pose – pointed to the heavens – was a tribute to Pujols’ signature home run trot. Turns out it’s also the perfect pose for being airlifted by helicopter to another state.

It seems you can’t even count on statues of players to stay in the same city forever anymore. Sigh.


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