Bird Watching at Busch Stadium: An Introduction for Enthusiasts
Take a walk around Busch Stadium during any Cardinals game, and you’re bound to notice a few strange and rare specimens.
This is the inspiration for a new segment called Bird Watching. It takes a keen eye and sometimes a little patience, but the payoff is totally worth it.
Take our first specimen for example, a rare bird whom I’ve dubbed “Mr. Peanut.”
Last time I checked, you’re supposed to eat peanuts at ballgames, not wear them. I guess at least he’s not into nachos. But if we look a little closer, there’s more to this story.
It seems Mr. Peanut has found a Mrs. Peanut. Apparently it’s some sort of weird mating ritual with this species.
Sometimes it isn’t what they’re wearing, but how they’re wearing it, as is the case with our next specimen.
Okay, you’ve got 60 seconds to come up with everything that’s wrong with this outfit. Go.
The most blatant violation is no doubt the jersey tuck: a longstanding JSF no-no. A jersey is not a dress shirt. It might be the closest thing you own to one, but that still doesn’t make it so. This guy goes even further though, using a belt to ensure his shirt tale stays confined – a black belt.
With brown shoes. Blam! Take that, basic fashion sense!
But let’s look past what should be obvious. How about the fact that it’s a Jim Edmonds Cubs jersey? I mean, wasn’t he a Cub for like 10 seconds, after being a Cardinal for 10 years?
Makes me want to run out and buy a Leon Durham jersey. After nine years with the baby bears, he logged 22 plate appearances with St. Louis in 1989. And he was Bill Buckner before Bill Buckner was Bill Buckner. Or how about Rick Sutcliffe? The Red Baron started a whopping 14 games for the Cardinals in 1994 before striking it big as a TV analyst. Some of us are still trying to get over the shock of seeing Shawon Dunston play a vital role in helping the Cardinals make the 2000 postseason. And whatever you think of Mike Matheny, at least Ryne Sandberg isn’t the Cardinals manager.
Our final specimen seems normal enough at first:
But upon further inspection, we notice another interesting accessory not typically seen at sporting events.
Apparently someone’s monitoring this fellow’s migration patterns, and I don’t think it’s the National Wildlife Federation.
Now, here’s a fan that knows what true dedication really means. Think you love the Cardinals? Well, would you violate the conditions of your parole in order to cheer on your beloved Redbirds?
Guess you’re not a real fan then. Only a true Cardinal fan would risk incarceration. Then again, maybe he’s just traveling south for the coming winter.
Think you’ve discovered a rare specimen? Then send it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.