BR8KING NEWZ: Al Hrabosky Criticizes Brendan Ryan’s Mustache For Lack of Hustle
Last summer, the former Cardinals reliever found himself in a verbal battle with manager Tony La Russa after criticizing catcher Yadier Molina for not running out a fly ball with the bases loaded.
Today, he finds himself in a similar altercation regarding the lack of hustle from Brendan Ryan’s mustache.
With his ’10 statistics plunging, Ryan vowed to bring back the lucky upper lip fur that spawned a breakout season for the former utility-man. Ryan committed to the regrowth nearly two weeks ago. But with no full mustache to show for it and a batting average hovering around .210, Hrabosky is calling for answers.
“I just don’t get it.” says Hrabosky. “I mean, I had a mustache when I was in the 5th grade and you’re telling me it’s taken two weeks for Brendan to grow one? I mean it’s coming along…but no where near the meaty girth it needs to be to compete in this league.” With Ryan’s success tied to his mustache, Hrabosky believes that the sluggish growth “reveals a lack of determination.”
“As I’ve said before, if you hustle, you never embarrass yourself.”
La Russa said Hrabosky “should be ashamed of himself” and that “I’m really disappointed in Al” and also added, “This club’s facial hair hustles better than anyone’s in the league. I know that.”
Hrabosky also called upon the Cardinals front office for answers, given that a pre-season Cardinals advertising campaign featured Brendan Ryan spinning in a circle to magically produce a full-grown mustache as a retort to Ozzie Smith’s signature Opening Day flip.
“Above anything, I feel like myself and the rest of Cardinals fans were lied to, that’s all. If we can’t trust wholehearted mustache growth in this game, what can we trust?” said Hrabosky.