BR8KING NEWZ: Cards Top Draft Pick Zack Cox Slipped Because Teams Feared His Last Name


ST. LOUIS (Mom’s Basement) – The St. Louis Cardinals drafted third baseman Zack Cox out of the University of Arkansas in the first round of the 2010 First-Year Player Draft on Monday night.

Although Cox was ranked as the 6th best prospect by ESPN’s Keith Law and widely regarded as the “best college bat” available in the draft, Cox slipped to the end of the first round, where he was selected by the Cardinals as the 25th pick in the draft.

Despite Cox’s recent rib cage ailments, MLB team scouts at the draft pointed to Cox’s last name as the main reason for his unanticipated decline in draft day value.

In fact, one general manager described Cox’s last name as “unfortunate,” but went on to say, “When you’re rebuilding your team’s public image, you can’t have a bunch of silly dick jokes running across the local newspaper headlines.”

When asked about their selection, Cardinals team officials seemed unfazed and oblivious to potential newspaper headline malfeasance caused by their selection.

“We’ve been watching Cox for years now.  That said, we didn’t think had a chance for Cox.  Not tonight, at least. We’re absolutely tickled to see him on the field, and especially in the locker room, where we hear Cox really flourishes.”

Jeff Luhnow, the Cardinals’ vice president of scouting and player development, called the pick “extremely lucky”, especially since they believed Cox would be snatched one spot ahead of the them at #24.

“We didn’t get too excited when teams passed on Cox because San Francisco was selecting right before us at number 24.  Our sources kept telling us that they love Cox and there was no way they would let anyone else have Cox.  Thankfully, they passed too.”

Upon the selection of Cox at #25, snickering could be heard coming from various team draft rooms, as well as MLB Network’s Matt Vasgersian’s dressing room. When asked about the pick, Vasgersian claimed, “Those bumpkins from St. Louis clearly don’t get it. But you know what they do get? El Caminos and Busch Light. Retarded rednecks.”



  • AverageJoe says:

    It’s a shame he’s a 3B. It looks like David Freese might around awhile and will be blocking Cox. Shame.

  • PujolsAndMolina says:

    There was also a dude picked last night named Colon. Wish you would have slipped that in there as well.

    Other than that, love it and the new site.

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