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Today is Cyber Monday, the biggest online shopping day of the year. If you’re thinking of snagging one of those shiny new Cardinals jerseys as a gift to yourself or a present for loved one, think again. That 10% MLB coupon is valid for every thing at the Cardinals Team Store except the new threads.

Aww.

Anyway, don’t let that distract you. The online Cardinals Store is a cornucopia of merchandise goldmines. Here are ten items to fickle your fancy on Cyber Monday.

David Freese Mask

What are the chances you could slap on one of these puppies, walk into a St. Louis bar and demand to sleep with any woman in the house? We suppose the answer depends on how late into the night it is, but the experiment is totally worth trying.

Buy it here.

Cardinals Snuggle Bear Blanket

In short, this item makes our list because it demonstrates the power of MLB merchandise. It doesn’t matter what the item is or how it relates to baseball, as long as it has the team logo SOMEWHERE on it, people will buy it. In fact, Al Hrabosky sleeps with one nightly.

Buy it here.

Authentic Power Sleeve

No one is quite sure if Phiten’s oversized necklaces or arm sleeves do anything. Regardless, professional baseball players wear them, so they’re the envy of fans across the globe. You may not be fighting off inside fast balls, but rest assured, you’ll be envy of your neighbors flipping hamburgers and tipping back cold ones with an authentic power sleeve by Phiten.

Buy it here.

2011 World Series Hat

What a steal at $4.99 this holiday season.

You have to feel like a real chump for buying one at the original price of $31.99, no?

Buy it here.

Albert Pujols Youth Jersey

Oh, the poor, ignorant youth. They won’t know any better.

Fortunately, these chaps do.

Buy it here.

Piece of Skip Schumaker’s Bat

Game-used merchandise is extremely popular these days. For a small investment of $59.99, you can have a slice of Skip Schumaker’s white ash (whew, that sentence was tough to write without getting kinky). No matter if they’re selling a piece of Skip Schumaker’s bat or helmet, the Cardinals know what their demographic wants. Namely, a photo of Skip getting dirty. It’s what he does.

Buy it here.

“FREESE KNOWS” Tee

Let’s just say if the back of this shirt reads “…HOW TO CRASH CARS”, it’s worth way more than $27.99.

Buy it here.

Cardinals Baby Carrier

Sorry, you’ll need to purchase the arm tattoo elsewhere to pull off this comfortable demeanor of “I’m here to be a family guy…but I’m also here to party”.  Not mentioned in this item’s description: “Tony La Russa carried David Eckstein around Magic Kingdom in this same harness back in the winter of ’06.”

Buy it here.

Set of 1987 Topps

It’s tough to put a price on your childhood, but the Cardinals think it’s worth about 35 bucks. Fine, then. What a steal. Buyers beware, though. This is a complete set, meaning that there are no packs of cards to open. If you were hoping to refill your inventory of near-toxic gum for $34.99, think again.

But it here.