Desperate for work Shelby Miller submits resume to Cardinals


After several failed attempts to draw attention to his body of work via Powerpoint presentations and fruit baskets, Shelby Miller has resorted to applying for his own job.  Submitted just hours ago, Miller’s rather impressive resume provides compelling evidence that he has recently excelled at throwing a baseball.

Given the current condition of the St Louis Cardinals, one would think that a person which such a promising skill set would be deemed useful.  Maybe not.  In hopes of alerting current management to his presence Shelby passed along the following resume with a cover letter to Mike Matheny and John Mozeliak – both of whom we believe have actually met Mr. Miller.


We do not yet know whether the resume was rejected or not, because this was the last thing Shelby sent before his company email account was deactivated.



  • Cody Pointer says:

    If Wacha wins game 6, it would make sense for Shelby Miller to start game 7 for 2 reasons. 1. I’m not sure any of the current Red Sox have ever faced Miller in the majors. 2. He is currently on 478 days rest. It only makes sense, Mike. Surprise the world.

    • Dennis Lawson says:

      IF the Cardinals win game 6, I could care less who starts game 7. At that point Wacha would possibly be the only one unavailable, and Mike could use any/all available options. The expectation here is that it would NOT be managed just like any other game.

  • Michael Grubb says:

    I’ll never understand how you give a guy that was arguably your second best starting pitcher statistcially during the regular season, a whopping one postseason inning.

  • Shatwood says:

    You COULDN’T care less*

  • ToniferJames says:

    He has dead-arm, you dinguses.

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