Redbird Man Vies for Distinction of Unofficial St. Louis Super Fan Status

20
Jun
2013

The next time you enter Busch Stadium, look to the sky – or just the upper deck really. If you’re lucky, you might catch a glimpse of the latest potential St. Louis Super Fan soaring above the field of play, and by soaring above the field of play I mean lurking about the upper concourse.

redbirdman

His name is Redbird Man. A (somewhat) ordinary human endowed with special abilities from the sun god Ra – as well as a whole lot of Johnnie Brocks cream makeup – his super powers include solar rays that shoot from his fists (like his counterpart, Birdman), a singing voice that would make an angel cry, and the ability to give everyone in his section a sense of  superiority.

Nevertheless, I use the term potential because, let’s face it:  The list of local, unofficial Super Fans just keeps getting longer. The old mainstays like Towel Man, Sign Guy, Die Hard Cards Fan, and Cardinals Cowboy have seen the arrival of plethora of relative newcomers like St. Louis Superman, Rasmus Girl, and The Chameleon. It must be something in the Mississippi River water. You know, like excess contaminated sediment.

Simply put, the days of any fool willing to expose his flabby pecks in public, don a pair of (multiple) tights, or dress in “redface” deserving the distinction and status of being an unofficial St. Louis Super Fan, are over.

As such, the St. Louis Sports Commission has tasked Joe Sports Fan to formalize the process, sift through the myriad of applicants and weed out the undesirables. Given our massive infrastructure and army of administrative staff, coupled with our vast expertise with the psychological phenomena that is fantardedness, this was a natural choice.

The first step in the process is for achieving potential super fandom? Fill out and submit a written application (in triplicate) requesting formal recognition of said unofficial super fan status – a task to which Redbird Man gladly obliged.

 redbirdman-app-final
(Click to enlarge)

From there some other stuff happens, I’m pretty sure it goes to some sort of board or a committee, where the applicant’s merit is discussed over rounds of tequila shots, before arriving in Mayor Slay’s mail sorter. Following several rounds of negotiations, bribes and payoffs, confirmation is received from the floor of the Missouri State Senate, and unofficial Super Fan status is granted.

In the case of Redbird Man, be sure to stay tuned to this website. We promise to keep you apprised of the process.

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