Tailgate Talk: pick any current/former St. Louis athlete to join the Cardinals bullpen. Go.

12
Aug
2011

When reliever Lance Lynn went down with an oblique strain on Tuesday night, it created a void in the Cardinals bullpen.  As in, a personnel void; not to be confused with the omnipresent void of “not having anyone good”.

To address this concern, the Cardinals went out to the scrap heap and grappled 41-year old Arthur Rhodes, who was released by the Seattle Marines two weeks ago.  The Cardinals become Rhodes’ 10th Major League ball club, but oddly enough, that he doesn’t rank first on the team in that category.  Recently-acquired Octavio Dotel has played for twelve.  Damn.

With an extremely random array of young, old and really old relievers in the Cardinals bullpen this season, it prompted this week’s Tailgate Talk question…

QUESTION:

You can anoint any current/former St. Louis athlete as the new member of the Cardinals bullpen. Who are you choosing and why?

SEBEK: My prototypical baseball relievers satisfy the following criteria: bearded, all-business and little care about personal hygiene.  It’s not that I want my relievers to smell, but the presence of facial hair mixed with a lack of personal cleanliness usually means the dude is a little wacko.  That’s good.

In terms of satisfying those three characteristics, the Cardinals actually have some youngsters in the mix that tickle my fancy (e.g., Boggs, Lynn, Motte). All-business, all-bearded, all-smelly.

If I think outside the organization with those attributes in mind, I’m going with Blues defensive man Harold Snepsts.  His mustache was epic, he didn’t mess around and since he refused to wear a helmet on the ice, he was clearly insane.

I think Snepsts embodies a good mix of talent to succeed on the mound for a few outs.

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BACOTT:  With all the drama surrounding Tony LaRussa’s league-wide reputation this season and the subsequent heated rivalries that have resulted, I need my new bullpen arm to bring one trait to the mound – pure intimidation.

And while his tenure in St. Louis playing his primary sport may have been a train-wreck, I’m not going to be shy about calling former Rams offensive lineman Richie Incognito in from the pen when the situation dictates.

The Brewers want to throw up and in on Albert and risk drilling him in the hand? Well then guess what, Ryan Braun, we’re bringing in the 300-lb maniac lineman to plant one between your shoulder blades.  Brandon Phillips wants to start another brawl? Richie would be stomping through Cincinnati players like Sasquatch in a Jack Link’s Jerky commercial.

If MLB teams don’t like the Cardinals, then it’s only right to ramp that up a notch and make them fear the Cardinals.  Psychotic, undisciplined lineman throwing baseballs at opposing hitters seems like a logical way to make that happen.

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Past Tailgate Talk

Using past/present players, choose your ultimate Cardinals brawl (link)
Void One Past Cardinals Trade (link)
Start a softball team with a former Cardinals player (link)
You can buy any piece of Cardinals memorabilia from the 80′s (link)
Pick one Cardinals pitcher to win a Wiffle Ball game (link)

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