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Albert Pujols has finally hit home run numero uno.  Ultimately, the collective media continent will find something new to talk about, but before they do, it’s time to impress your co-workers with a dizzying array of Pujols barbs and jabs.  With our help, of course.

We recommend delivering one joke at a time before immediately exiting the room.  But, if you must rattle off a few zingers in a row, be sure to sprinkle a few winks and finger/gun points in there.  It’s all about showmanship, kids.

– Albert Pujols is still homerless against all United States teams in 2012.

– Despite hitting his first HR of the year on Sunday, Albert Pujols ended the day hitting .196, four points below the dreaded .200 threshold.  Or, as Albert calls it, “The Mangdoza Line.”

– The Angels paid Albert Pujols approximately $2.16M to hit one home run.  At that rate, for a 42 HR season (Pujols 11-year average), the Angels would owe Pujols $90,720,000 per season.

– Big moment for Albert Pujols?  Sure.  But the Angels celebration was kinda much, no?

– With a ding-dong on Sunday, Albert Pujols is now tied for 192nd place on MLB home run leaders list.  Right next to Rick Ankiel, Matt Carpenter, Rafael Furcal and Gerald Laird.

– Congratulations to Albert Pujols for finally passing my home run total for this year.

– The Angels have decided to divert some of the marketing attention away from Albert Pujols.  They’re beginning to focus on what they have, instead of what they don’t.  As such, new billboards are already popping in Los Angeles.

– It’s nice that he’s off the HR skid, but since April 20th, Albert Pujols has the worst BA, OBP & slugging percentage in baseball.   It’s a good chicks only dig the long ball.

– That first home run should remove a giant (rally) monkey from Albert’s back.