This Week in Homosexual Mascot Marriages: Fredbird and the Rally Squirrel?


The whole Rally Squirrel phenomenon got a little (ahem) nuts during the Cardinals run to the 2011 World Series. We can pretty much all agree about that, right?

Yet somehow, it got a little more out of hand when the Cardinals posted the following photo on their Facebook page as part of a promotion for the 3rd Annual Bridal Show at Busch Stadium this Sunday.

Momentarily, let’s ignore the ridiculousness of a Bridal Show at Busch Stadium. Although, if the Cardinals keep hosting World Series parades every five years, they can host whatever event they damn well please on the home turf.

Anyway, the Rally Squirrel.

Generally speaking, mascots are terrible. They’re perpetually distracting, typically pantless and way too animated. Basically, they’re glorified hobos. But we understand that Fredbird is a part of the fabric of this franchise and children love him. So, fine. Fredbird can stay. And during the magical month of October 2011, we stomached the Rally Squirrel.

But it’s four months later now. The Rally Squirrel is going to be an actual mascot this year? As in, a peer to Fredbird? Such much, in fact, that he’s masqueraded around to signature events at the stadium? Ridiculous. It’s insulting; to the organization, the fan base and most of all, to Fredbird himself. This has to kill Fredbird’s leverage during contract negotiations.

And sorry to bury (+1 blogging points for another squirrel reference) the lede, but the Rally Squirrel is a woman? We always assumed he was a male. Do the Cardinals have insight on this?

And if it isn’t a woman, are the Cardinals advocating homosexual mascot unions? And if it’s a man, at the very least, our “beloved” Rally Squirrel is a cross-dresser.

What the hell kind of Bridal Show at Busch Stadium is this?

We have so many questions.



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