Worthless Card Awards: 1982 Cardinals Edition

02
Aug
2012

In case you haven’t heard over and over again, this weekend the Cardinals are celebrating the 30th anniversary of the 1982 World Series.  It’s kind of a dick move to rub it in with the Brewers in town since that’s who they beat in ’82, but apparently Milwaukee is being a good sport and even breaking out their powder blue throwbacks one night.

The Cardinals will do it up with bearded bobbleheads, polyester throwbacks, replica tickets, even stuffed bears wearing baseball uniforms as their promotion giveaways.  But we wanted to at least get in on the action with our own spin, since we consider JoeSportsFan to be an authority on the unintentional comedy that 80′s baseball provided.

So today, we delve into our wheelhouse and bring you a special 1982 Cardinals edition of the Worthless Baseball Card Awards…

The award for “Most likely to feature a guy who just sharted while being photographed” goes to…

The award for “Best use of his ‘business casual’ attire on photo day” goes to…

The award for “Most annoyed by the way his helmet’s ear flap jacked up the symmetry of his fro” goes to…

The award for “Most inspired by the  ‘Welcome Back, Kotter’ look” goes to…

The award for “Most likely to have a his Diamond King painting hanging above the fire place in his living room” goes to…

The award for “Best chance of accidentally setting an ant hill on fire whenever the sun hits his specs” goes to…

The award for “Most effective use of the stink-eye as a pickoff move” goes to…

The award for “Most likely to kiss his ‘guns’ during his windup” goes to…

The award for “Most likely to find a two-week old turkey and cheese hoagie in his beard” goes to…

The award for “Most likely to giggle every time he hears a teammate belch his name” goes to…

The award for “Best Tito Landrum photobomb” goes to…

The award for “Best use of an aluminum bat as a phallic symbol” goes to…

The award for “Most likely to snap if he hears another ‘your name is Shirley’ jokes” goes to…

And for good measure, we had to throw in one Brewers player who ran away with the award for “Most likely to rip your arm off and eat it like a turkey leg”

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