[Note: Column originally ran in November, 2005] 

2005 was a banner year when it comes to the topic of villains in the sports world.  Over the past 365 days, each major sport offered up a candidate for the coveted position of America’s Designated Punching Bag.

In the NBA, we had Ron Artest charging into the crowd in Detroit like a pissed off Rhino and dropping roundhouses on a few unruly fans.  Major League Baseball offered us Raffy Palmeiro, who established his villain resume by defiantly claiming that he had never done steroids in front of Congress only to test positive a few months later, and then in a desperate attempt to save face, start throwing teammates under the bus like his mustache depended on it.  Obviously, the recent events in Philadelphia have cleared the way for NFL star Terrell Owens and his agent Drew Rosenhaus to assume their customary positions at the top of the most hated list. 

But if you’re looking for the perfect sports villain, don’t stop off in Philly or Baltimore and steer clear of Indiana; you need to look out West – to Southern California.  As hard as they try, the real world can’t pump out sports villains like Hollywood.  If there’s one thing that sports movies have provided over the years, it’s a wealth of bad guys.

With that in mind, we have studied all of the candidates and broken down the top 12 sports movie villains of all time (and, as usual, “all time” in the eyes of Joe Sportsfan means “after 1984”). 

12.) Myra Fleener – Hoosiers
She wasn’t your prototypical villain, but make no mistake, this ice queen was the bad guy in this classic movie about small time high school basketball.  To satisfy her own personal agenda, Fleener put the clamps on Jimmy Chitwood and held Hickory High hostage until Jimmy overruled her and decided that it was time for him to play some basketball.  She even attempted to sexually manipulate coach Norman Dale, much to the disgust of the audience. 

Simply put, trying to keep the world from seeing Jimmy Chitwood’s magical jump shot was evil.  

11.) Racki – Youngblood
For those who don’t remember Racki, he was the bearded goon who picked on hockey prodigy Dean Youngblood to the point where Youngblood quit and retreated to Canada to take fighting lessons from his dad and brother.  Racki was so intimidating that he literally drove a man to flee the country. 

One piece of advice, if you’re out ice-skating at the local rink around Christmas and you see this guy cruising up behind, do not try to cut him off under any circumstances, unless you want your forehead to get acquainted with the slab of ice you’re skating on.

10.) Johnny Lawrence – The Karate Kid
While Lawrence rates high on any list of top movie bullies, he barely cracks the top 10 sports movies villains.  Why?  Well, when it comes to tormenting the star of the movie no one does a better job than Johnny.  He not only shows pure bullying skills that are unmatched, he also displays the type of leadership that a top villain needs, guiding his Cobra Kai brethren through a number of flawless beatings of Daniel LaRusso.  But when the chips were down, Lawrence was had by the gimmick crane kick in the final round of the All Valley Tournament. 

It’s not the loss that hurts so much as his reaction to it.  After he gives up his title, Lawrence insists on handing the trophy to LaRusso and letting the nerd know that he’s not so bad.  A true movie villain doesn’t let a tough loss strip him of his edge.  If Lawrence would have walked over to Daniel-San and cracked the trophy over his head, he’d  be top 5 on this list, easy. 

9.)  Mick McAllister – Teen Wolf
Slipping ahead of Johnny Lawrence is his fellow high school villain, Mick McAllister, the star of the Dragons basketball team that faces off against Scott Howard’s Beaver’s team.  Part of the reason for McAllister’s standing as a top sports movie villain is his willingness to go head-to-head with an athlete who is not always in human form.  None of the other members of this list were faced with the prospect of lining up against a basketball-playing werewolf.  McAllister never backed off, never dialed down the intensity; even antagonizing the wolf by claiming that he was still a dork under all his hair. 

That kind of consistency takes skill, guts and a pure desire to be a villain.  McAllister had all three.

8.) Clue Haywood – Major League 
As unbelievable as it may have been, Haywood served as the main on-field rival to the upstart Cleveland Indians.  Just take a look at the man who played Haywood and tell me he isn’t scary.  As the Worthless Card Collection indicates, he's not afraid to tear into a baseball.

7.) Apollo Creed – Rocky
If the Rocky series ended after the first movie, then Apollo would probably be in the top 3.  But as it stands, we saw much more of his character over the years, culminating in his tragic death at the hands of Ivan Drago.  He started off as the classic villain, who could intimidate his opponents in multiple ways and back it up in the ring.  A couple of years later we saw the softer side of the so-called “Master of Disaster” when he was seen sporting a half shirt, tube socks and ball cutting shorts while frolicking with Rocky in the ocean. 

This sensitive version of Apollo costs him points on his villain scorecard.  On the other hand, he did participate in one of the most homoerotic movie scenes in history, so he’s got that going for him.

6.)  Ogie Oglethorpe – Slap Shot
Wrapping up the title of the “Toughest Goon in a Hockey Movie” is Ogie Oglethorpe, the one-man answer to the Hanson Brothers.  He and his enormous afro were not seen in the movie until the final game because he was suspended and in prison, but his legacy proceeded him.  The announcer’s description of him in the movie pretty much sums it up:

"This young man has had a very trying rookie season, with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him."

He was such a solid villain the country of Canada refused him.  Speaks volumes. 

5.) Nazi’s – Victory 
As if the whole murdering of millions of innocent Europeans wasn’t bad enough, you can tack on cheating in soccer and beating up Pele to the list of not-cool things that the Nazi’s are responsible for. 

Leave it up to these bastards to set up an exhibition soccer game between Germans and Allied POW’s and then try to rig the game, by controlling the refs.  Little did they know that even with the refs in their pocket, there’s no way to hold down a soccer team that features Pele, Sly Stallone and Michael Caine. 

4.) Ivan Drago – Rocky IV 
This is how I described Drago in a previous column ranking the Toughest Movie Characters of all time – “The Russian had the pin-point buzz cut that would have made Kurt Warner and his wife proud, a body that was literally put together by scientists, a punch that could inflict over 2.4 million pounds of pressure per square inch and one confirmed kill in the ring.  Simply put, he was a tough cookie.”

I think that says everything you need to know about Ivan.  Well, that and "I must break you."

3.) Bull Hurley – Over the Top 
Not only was Hurley frightening as the champion arm wrestler in Over the Top, it turned out that he wasn’t really acting.  The guy who took on Stallone sporting a “Blaster” t-shirt and a first rate fu-manchu mustache really was a truck driver and arm wrestler for a living. The proposition of crossing paths with this behemoth on Highway 70 in Warrenton was real until he passed away a few years back.  Doctors are believed to have attributed his death to a simple case of too much “badass” flowing through his veins. 

In the movie, he stalked around the country snapping arms and making enemies.  The majority of the time, a simple glare or a few words from Hurley had his opponent on the ropes before they even touched hands.  As for Lincoln Hawk, clearly the only way he beats the Bull is by pulling the fake slip move to force the refs to break out “the strap”.  And for those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about, you’re probably better off. 

2.) Judge Smails – Caddyshack
Part of the reason that Smails makes such a perfect movie villain is that he is the type of pompous, country club snob that most everyone has run into at some point or another.  As a caddy at a country club in St. Louis for a few weeks as a kid, I personally toted clubs around for several Smails wannabe’s and, if I wasn’t afraid that it would have negatively affected my tip, I would have happily cracked them in the knees with their 3-iron.

In addition to leading a revolt against the good-natured Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield), Judge Smails also fires off numerous classic quotes about the wax buildup on his shoes and about bad language on the golf course.  He was one of the rare villains who establishes his reputation through nothing but words. 

1.) Clubber Lang – Rocky III
He wasn’t the toughest of Rocky Balboa’s opponents, but he was easily the best villain of the bunch.  When Mr. T created this character, he put threw Apollo Creed’s cockiness, Drago’s physical intimidation, a bad attitude and a world class Mohawk into a blender and the result was Clubber Lang - the perfect bad guy. 

Throughout the movie, we are offered up no glimpses of Lang doing anything but hitting on Adrian, insulting Rocky, killing Mickey, training in a rotted out basement presumably located right around the corner from hell, and throwing devastating right and left hooks off of Rocky’s temples.  He became one of the rare villains who was utterly unlikable when the movie came out, yet stole every scene he was in.  People in the theatre literally stood up and cheered when Rocky knocked him out in their rematch. 

Clubber Lang was never seen or heard from again after his humiliating defeat to Rocky. 

That’s our list of top sports movie villains.  Admittedly, it might be a little bit biased since I’ve seen Rocky III roughly 395 times in my life.  If you’ve got suggestions for other sports movie villains, feel free to offer them up with an e-mail to josh@joesportsfan.com