Normally our buddies Greg Luzinski and LaMarr Hoyt join us to talk about the sport that they dominated in the late 70’s/early 80’s. They don’t care too much for any sport where it’s not cool to spit tobacco juice on the floor, but with March Madness officially upon us, we’ve coaxed them into giving us their expert analysis on the upcoming three weeks of college basketball goodness.



Are the little guys getting screwed?
Summary: Only six teams from “mid-major” conferences were awarded bids this year. The only team to get into the Tourney this year from the perpetually plucky Missouri Valley Conference was #5 seed Drake. While it was a down year for the conference, many believed that Illinois State was just one of the several deserving mid-majors passed over by the Selection Committee’s preference towards power conferences.

LaMarr: One time after a game, I ran into a bunch of guys playing basketball on a playground. I was in full uniform and they started laughing at me. I walked up to them, took their basketball, laid down a ferocious dunk and then I ripped their ball in half with my bare hands. Haven’t touched a basketball since.

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Luz: I’ve done some hunting in the Missouri Valley. The only one getting screwed were the 15 bucks I took home in my pickup. And the one mountain lion I fought.

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Tennessee gets screwed as a #2
Summary: The team that many people thought was the 5th best in the tournament field was awarded a #2 seed as expected, but was placed in the East Bracket alongside top ranked North Carolina. With the emphasis on seeding the #1 choices, did Tennessee get screwed by being placed in arguably the most difficult region despite being the top #2 seed?

LaMarr: Tennessee is the team that has the crazy face-paintin’ coach ain’t it? Reminds me of this one time I when I took some eye black and painted my name on my forehead in the locker room so I wouldn't forget it that night. When I was done, I looked in the mirror and realized I had painted “rraMaL” instead of my name. I guess I was possessed like that freaky kid in The Shining.
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Luz: If anyone is being screwed by North Carolina it’s South Carolina for trying to steal their name. If someone called themselves South Luzinski, I'd beat the hell out of them.

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Clark Kellogg
Summary: Will he look at the camera this year?

LaMarr: I used to eat Fruit Loops with whiskey in them instead of milk. It may sound nasty but by the end you are so drunk it just seems like you’re drinking brown milk. If this Clark fella is the one who makes the Fruit Loops – on a account of his last name and all – then I’d like to shake his hand.

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Luz: I don’t blame him for not looking into the camera. Those things can control your brains if you’re not strong enough.

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#1 vs. #16
Summary: A #16 has never beaten a #1 seed although a few have come close. Will Mount St. Mary’s, UT- Arlington, Portland State or Mississippi Valley State become the first?

LaMarr: You know who else has never beaten a #1 seed in the tournament? A #19 seed. Crazy, man.

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Luz: Someone should tell the people who make this tournament that Portland isn’t a state.

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Michael Beasley or Tyler Hansbrough?
Summary: On one hand you have the super athletic scoring machine in Kansas State’s Michael Beasley, who seems to be a smooth as a point guard yet as powerful as a post up center with a bit of everything in between. On the other hand, you’ve got Tyler Hansbrough, the rough and tumble center for the top-ranked Tar Heels. His last second shot in the ACC Tourney semifinals capped a tremendous season that saw him win the National Player of the Year award. Who would you take?

LaMarr: I hear people say that Kansas State is in Manhattan. Well I hate to break it to you, but it can’t be in Kansas, man. Manhattan is in New York. Trust me, after a game against the Yankees one time in 1984 I talked to Woody Allen for six hours on the sidewalk in Manhattan. When the police picked me up they claimed that I was talking to a statue in a wax museum. I was like “bullshit, wax statues aren’t that funny”. There wasn’t a college anywhere around.

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Luz: I disagree with LaMarr. Wax statues are very funny.
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Who will be this year’s Cinderella?

LaMarr: Somebody dresses up like Cinderella in this tournament? I told you basketball was for girls.

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Luz: I always like Snow White better.

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Who will win it all in 2008?

LaMarr: I’m going with American. You know why? Because I’m an American, man. And anyone who thinks someone else is going to win is a freaking commie.

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Luz: I filled out my bracket based on who has the best barbeque. Kansas and Memphis tied.
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JSF Weekly is written by Josh Bacott. He bets Luz could put away some ribs. E-mail him at josh@joesportsfan.com