The day is starting off well.  You scored four company tickets to the Rangers/Blue Jays day game, and it's lovely day in downtown Toronto.  It's April, so you're just glad the streets aren't covered with snow and wild moose.  But, on this particular day, it's 60 degrees, sunny, and you got a new Jays jersey for Christmas.

You dial up your lucky lady, and two buddies.  It's game time, baby.

11:10 AM Drunkenness Level - You meet your companions outside the stadium a bit early, and take a few photo ops with your ole ball and chain. She's cute as a button, frisky, and loves portly guys with well-groomed beards. You may have found Cinderella. Cinderella with massive amounts of cleavage.



12:10 PM Drunkenness Level - Not too bad.  Down a total of 3 beers and 2 shots.  The game is starting, but sitting through "Oh, Canada" and that American song is a bit mundane, so you stop by one of the newfangled restaurants in Rogers Centre.  You gladly buy a round of suds for the group.  Pose for another photo op inside the stadium with your sweat heart.



12:45 PM Drunkenness Level  - You've had 5 beers, but feel fine.  You're a big boy, after all.  You notice that Skippy is beginning to feel tipsy.  His eyes are starting to fade, and he's got that "cocked hat" looked going on - usually something he does about an hour before getting in a fight in the men's room.



1:24 PM Drunkenness Level - Your lady comes back down from the seats to join the action because she got into a fight with her BFF.  You couldn't be happier that she's down for the fun and games, but Skippy is going to be pissed that the gal he was going to "give the business" is missing in action.  It's time to ease the pain with jaggerbombs.



1:45 PM Drunkenness Level - More jaggerbombs.  You're starting to sweat, and that pro-weight jersey is starting to get heavy.  Time to unbutton a few levels on the top floor.



2:06 PM Drunkenness Level - On a inebriation scale of 1-to-10, you're sitting happy around a 9.0 - which usually means it's time to go skins.  You've been lifting weight again for the past three weeks and besides, it's time to get some sun on the frame.  No one likes pierces nips on pasty white body.



2:45 PM Drunkenness Level - While you're a 9 on the drunkenness scale, your pal is somewhere around a 13.  He keeps yelling to surrounding fans that he was at the Gary Carter game.  The old guy behind you flicked him off, told him to sit down, and said, "It was Joe Carter, dumbass."  So, you decide to pose for a pic.  Your buddy is running his hand down your lower back fat, which is completely weird.  But, it's all good.  You're destroyed.



3:06 Drunkenness Level - Absolutely bombed.  There's nothing better than slamming some cold ones with your best friend while getting some sun on the naked upper torso.  You notice that your lady left her pink Jays hat underneath the seat, so you grab it and decide to get erotic with your pal, Skippy.

After all, no one will see.