If Mel Kiper gave ESPN an overall grade for its draft coverage in the category of “ripping away any and all enjoyment and suspense” then the WorldWide Leader passed with flying colors.  We’re thinking it was at least an A, maybe an A+ with loads of upside.

As we watched the 1st round at Media Circus headquarters, we realized that in its quest to “break news first”, ESPN was ruining its telecast by revealing each pick before it happened.  

Whether it was focusing in on Glenn Dorsey taking a phone call in the green room very obviously informing him that he had been picked or showing Keith Rivers at home wearing a Bengals hat with six minutes left on the clock before their formal pick, they found numerous ways to stomp the hell out of the suspense.  

Normally our gripes with the network stem from too much “entertainment” and not enough journalism.  In this case, the gripe is reversed.  The whole reason the draft was an entertaining production was the anticipation of who would be picked next.  Essentially, ESPN was giving away their primary reason viewers tune in.  

The Media Circus’ Patrick Imig expressed his disgust while guest-blogging on TheBigLead.com over the weekend: 

“Imagine for a second, ESPN, that you and I go to the movies together.  I spring for the tickets and even pay for the sodas and large tub of popcorn — lightly drizzled with butter.  We sit down and start enjoying a Michael Bay film and immediately after the first appearance of the female protagonist, the film pauses and one of the ushers grabs a mic and says, “Hey movie-goers, that chick you just saw?  She dies in 20 minutes.  I just got off the phone with Michael Bay and he said as much.  Also, Nic Cage will crash his car in mere seconds and kill an kill an innocent, pregnant bystander.”

We’re not the only ones who were turned off by ESPN’s aggressive method of prognostication.  Sportsline’s Gregg Doyel wrote an entire column on the subject, marking what we believe is the first time we’ve ever agreed with Gregg Doyel:

“The way ESPN handled this year's NFL Draft? Stupid. This column has been coming for years, because ESPN has been doing it for years. But this year ESPN reached a new low, or possibly a new high, because ESPN is guilty of nothing more than doing its job. And doing it spectacularly. 

After 10 picks of the first round, ESPN was 10-for-10 in predicting, and sometimes flat-out reporting, who the pick would be. The draft is Christmas come to April, and ESPN was telling us what was inside the wrapper.”

ESPN isn’t the first to mistake interest in the draft for interest in knowing exactly what will happen ahead of time.  TNT has had its moments covering the NBA Draft in the past where reporters popped on screen as David Stern was strolling to the podium to tell us exactly whose name Stern would read before he read it.  We believe Stern has since had those reporters killed.

Simply put, there is absolutely nothing that is interesting about watching the NFL Draft aside from the suspense of finding out who will be picked next.  Especially in the early first round.  Take that away and you’ve got an extended version of NFL Live hosted by Chris Berman.  Not pretty.

Journalists apparently don’t get that.  Just ask Peter King:

“I missed most of the NFL Network Saturday telecast, which I heard had some really good points, including Adam Schefter calling every pick before Roger Goodell hit the podium”

Safe to say we have a different opinion of what makes for good TV than old Pete.    

Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"Scott Linehan welcomes Chris Long into the fold, in person, in Seattle.” – Rich Eisen
 
Don’t sweat it Rich; you’ve been on the tube a combined 10 hours over the past two days.  One little slip-up is understandable.
 
”Yeah big hug, smiles all around.  The #2 overall pick has arrived in Seattle and his head coach looks relieved to see him in one piece." - Rich Eisen

Okay, we’re starting to think Rich Eisen thinks the Rams play in Seattle.
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“Linehan said as famous as Long's dad Howie is, his mom was every bit as impressive as Howie was in the interview process.” – Steve Savard, Rams radio play-by-play man

We’re pretty convinced Linehan was impressed with the Long’s golden retriever after sitting down with him for a few minutes.  
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“There have been times when my evaluations of players matched what they would do in the NFL, and then there are those players who exceeded the kind of career I thought they would have after college.” – Mel Kiper

Get it straight, there are only two types of Kiper evaluations – 1.) players who were as good as he thought they would be and 2.) players who were better than he thought they’d be.  Mel Kiper has never overhyped a player who went on to suck.  Ever.
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"When you go on the road and face Boston in their ballpark and come here to Detroit and you go home with a winning record, 4-2, that's playing baseball - and that's what the Angels do."  - Joe Morgan

If a baseball fan was unthawed after 75 years of being frozen, he or she would have no idea that Joe Morgan played baseball professionally.  
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"I'd take either one in a heartbeat, but I'd probably favor Wright. He has the more outgoing personality and will lead his team both by example and by word. I also think you can market your team around Wright and his quoteability than you can Utley." –  Steve Phillips on whether he’d take David Wright or Chase Utley first if given the opportunity

Word is that Baseball Prospectus is working on a complex mathematical formula to capture “quoteability” for next season’s book as a criteria for baseball’s best player.
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“Run blocking catches my eye. Pass blocking is like watching Dancing With the Stars with my wife.” – SI.com’s Dr. Z.

When it comes to curmudgeonly old football guys, no one can touch Dr. Z. 
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“Most of the time you talk about a backup catcher, you talk about a guy who can catch and throw.” – Al Hrabosky

Also valued are the ability to bend down and put numbers between there legs.
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“Make no mistake about it, my first order of business is come in and try to get hard and earn the respect of the veterans and learn from them." – Chris Long

Let’s hope those two things are done separately, buddy.  

NFL Draft Featuring Many Football Players
For an event devoid of, you know, actual football, it’s not all that surprising to see the NFL Draft as a hotbed for Media Circus material.  After all, on any given NFL Live episode we can pull a week’s worth of crap.  So when the same format applies to two days of draft coverage, we feel like Scrooge McDuck diving into his money bin (don’t try to correlate the two). 

One theme we’ve noted three drafts in a row is the use of the “football player” theorem.  In 2006, Steve Young was damn sure Jay Cutler was the best quarterback available in the draft.  The reason? 

“Jay Cutler is the top quarterback because the fact that he is the best football player.  Mike Nolan just a minute ago came down and I talked to him and he said the same thing: Jay Cutler is a football player in the locker room.  

And what do I mean by that?  Football players know each other.  All the people, the GM’s and everybody can talk about how he can throw and what he can do.  Football player understand that (Jay) is a guy who can be tough and versatile and can make every throw on the field…  More than any other player on the board, Jay Cutler is going to come in and be a football player and a great quarterback.”

We weren’t sure what it meant then and still have no clue today (in Young’s defense, Cutler has been the best…well… football player out of that class so far).  During last year’s coverage, Young’ s colleague Keyshawn Johnson explained why Giants selection Aaron Ross was picked in the 1st round:

”He can play football, or else he wouldn’t have been drafted here.”

This year, Merril Hoge wanted make sure the football players weren’t overlooked.  When giving his “bold prediction” for the draft, Hoge unleashed the following:

“This is about football…  There’s a guy named Tom Zbikoswski… just a football player.  Ray Rice, just a football player…  They’re going to make a football team.  There are going to be a lot of guys like this.  For every star in the NFL, there are 5 role players.  Those two guys I’ve seen on tape, they’re just football players.  There may be some things they lack, but they know how to play the game.” 

When we ever figure out what in the hell these comments mean, we’ll be sure and let you know.

Media Rant - Mock Draft Results
In what has become a Media Circus NFL Draft tradition, prior to Saturday we tucked away the final mocks from the two “experts” that you’ve seen plastered all over your flat screen the last five weeks – Mel Kiper and Todd McShay.  

Kiper and McShay have the good fortune of holding a position within their network that allows them to spout off about what will happen at the draft with absolutely zero accountability.  That is, once the dust has settled, rarely does anyone look back to see if they actually knew what they were talking about. 

In 2007, we documented the first 99 picks in their respective mock drafts and watched as Kiper hit on 10.5% and McShay hit on 9.1%.

This season, we documented the first 135 picks of their mocks and took it to another level by offering up our very own Mock Draft for Rounds 1-2. 

Turns out that the only thing anyone predicted correctly were the horrific results.

Out of the first 135 picks, Todd McShay picked nine for an accuracy percentage of 6.67%.  In the biggest surprise of the day, McShay actually nailed one in the fourth round - Cody Wallace to the 49ers at pick #107 - no doubt by complete stroke of luck.

Defending champ Mel Kiper picked a whopping eight correct, leaving him at a sterling 5.93% accuracy rate.  For all the research Kiper does throughout the year, the last pick he got correct was #22, Felix Jones to the Cowboys.  That made him zero for his last 113. 

Impressive.  

Equally impressive was JSF’s performance through two rounds.  The uninformed bloggers picked six correctly and matched Kiper for the latest accurate pick at #22.  Our total percentage came in at 4.4%, pretty solid when you consider the following:

-For two-thirds of the our projection, we went with draftees such as the Remmington Beard and Mustache trimmer (#24), Wolf from American Gladiators (#43) and the dad from Alf (#56)

-We didn’t bother with picks 64-135 but still counted them against our percentage

-We totally omitted Chris Long for no particular reason

So once again it became incredibly obvious that mock drafts- especially those trying to project anything beyond the top 15 – are completely and utterly ridiculous…albeit not quite as ridiculous as trying to predict the first round of the 2009 NFL Draft.  

Isn’t that right, Mr. McShay?

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
With last week's Media Circus devoting special time to our mock draft, the Bobber enjoyed a nice Wednesday off at the Art and History Museums.  Safe to say the week off rejuvenated him, and he returns with an appetite for snappy.  Fortunately, SI's John Donovan didn't leave Bobby hanging:

"David Ortiz can't hit his way out of a Papi bag right now."

Nothing brings the Bobber back faster than a play on a name.  Even though the statement doesn't make sense at face value, the effort is appreciated and one thumb goes up.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig.  They swear this stuff is real.  Email them at info@joesportsfan.com