The Lions provided some insurance for rookie running back Kevin Smith -- he who compares himself to Adrian Peterson and thinks the Lions should win the Super Bowl this year -- in the form of the Bengals' career single-season rushing yardage man Rudi Johnson.

The acquisition led to the inevitable release of Tatum Bell, the same man whom Mike Martz verbally orgasmed over 13 months ago. Martz gushed about his speed, but apparently Bell isn't fast enough to avoid camera detection. See, while Rudi Johnson was meeting with Matt Millen upon arriving in Detroit, he left his bags outside the office. That begs the question why he chose to leave them outside the office, but maybe Matt Millen just "doesn't like bags".

As the bags lay outside unattended to, the man who was rendered unemployed as a result of Rudi's arrival moved in like the Repo Man.

Per the source, Bell took the bags to the house of a female acquaintance.  When confronted on the matter, Bell offered up some cockamamie story that he thought the bags belonged to someone he knew.  The girl, however, said that she hadn’t seen Bell in several months and he showed up out of the blue and asked her to keep the bags for a while.

Technically, Bell wasn't lieing considering the bags do belong to someone he knows. Regardless, I love the athlete defense when drugs are found or bags are stolen: "It's uh, my friends'." Sure it is, pal. The Lions sure have a way with creating new methods of futility. In this instance, the Lions are acting out a plot from a lost Seinfeld episode.

Wait a minute ... I've figured it out: the Detroit Lions are the Seinfeld characters of the NFL -- and Matt Millen is George Costanza. No matter what he does, he can't get fired.