de·noue·ment [dey-noo-mahn] -noun

1. the final resolution of the intricacies of a plot, as of a drama
2. the conclusion; the end
3. The Oakland Raiders issuing a challenge to the St. Louis Rams to see who possesses the most suck in all of football.

Kornheiser ponders how much Favre Aaron Rodgers could Favre if Aaron Rodgers could Favre Favre

Even as his broadcast colleagues implored that he stop it, Tony Kornheiser just wouldn't let it go. "It" notwithstanding, Aaron Rodgers had himself quite the game, going 18-22 for 172 and touchdown. He also rushed for 36 yards and scored on a sneak in the 4th quarter. While the passing numbers were efficient, they weren't exactly prolific, in part because a long touchdown pass to Donald Driver was called back because of an ineligible fatty downfield.  

Some of the mainstreamers were surprised at how good Rodgers looked, proving they have zero recollection of his effectiveness in the Week 13 matchup at Dallas last season. And in an unrelated note, I hope the referees won't be compelled to call a penalty on every play in future MNF telecasts. There were 21 total. 

Striped bastards. 

Lane Kiffin learns Shannahan's pointers on how to flip Al Davis the bird

The Broncos dominated the Raiders and continued to pile on in the 4th quarter (BELICHICK IS EVIL. HE HAS NO SOUL!). You could consider it a special middle finger from Denver to Al Davis since Mike Shannahan still begrudges the senile owner. 

Sure, it was only Week 1, but you have to know things are bad in Raiders land when the AP writer is ripping you:

Receiver Javon Walker, who got $16 million in guaranteed money, missed the game with an injured hamstring. Hall, who got $24 million guaranteed, was frequently beat by Royal in coverage and committed the two personal fouls. Defensive tackle Tommy Kelly, who got $18 million in guarantees, was part of a line that failed to get pressure on Cutler all night.

Our esteemed writer forgot to mention safety Gibril Wilson and his $40 million in non-guarantees. Not sure what the defense was up to, but shutting down the passing game clearly wasn't on the agenda. Jay Cutler threw for 299 yards and rookie Eddie Royal caught nine balls for 146 yards.  

Monday Night Football in 5,000+ Words

"I wonder what it'll be like ... ..."


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"Oh yea! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. No longer a virgin. That's it, get a picture of my junk."


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"These are the arms of a wife-abuser! THESE ARE THE ARMS!"

"Yea, baby. I be takin' some David Boston vitamins."


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"John McCain picked who? Wait, who's John McCain?"


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"I have seen death and he walks among us... waits for no one ... and sits in our owner's luxury box."