JoeSportsFan

While the world of sports journalism has undergone a significant transformation over the past decade, there are some things that have stubbornly refused to go away. And we're not just talking about Jay Mariotti.

The location of their words may be in the process of moving from newsprint to cyberspace, but it has not deterred one of the most defining elements of print media from prospering - the columnist photo.

It would stand to reason that the content of the article itself would be the primary influence on the reader's opinion, but that little photo next to the byline always seems to manipulate the reader just enough to alter their expectations. If the guy writing the column is a big, jovial man with an ear-to-ear smile, you're probably going to have a less visceral reaction to him calling out your team. If the guy writing the column looks like he's just been caught in the middle of a ten-state crime spree, then you're probably going to assume he's looking for trouble.

If a columnist happens to be carrying a sledge hammer for no apparent reason, chances are the reader is going to spend their time trying to figure out why in the hell the columnist is carrying a sledge hammer.

With so much riding on that little photo, what is an influential sports voice supposed to do? Turns out there are several notable strategies for the photo that have been executed to perfection by some in the industry. Take notes, columnists...

Strategy #1 - Show a Little Personality
Let the readers see a little personality, people. And how do you do that via a photo before they've read a word of your writing? When in doubt, wear something that makes you look wacky - perhaps a cowboy hat or Hawaiian shirt - or maybe just look into the camera and shrug your shoulders like a moron.

Tracy Ringolsby - Rocky Mountain News




Jim Armstrong - Denver Post



Ray Ratto - Sportsline.com



Strategy #2 - Make them Fear You
Sure the readers may not be a frequent target of the columnist's sharp words, but that doesn't mean the columnist can't demonstrate to them just how much of a badass he really is. If readers are skeptical as to whether he has the balls to stand in a locker room and ask the tough questions, they need only to take one look in these eyes to know that it's the athletes who should be afraid. Anyone of these guys could reveal themselves as government assassins posing as sports columnists and it wouldn't shock me one iota.

Dan Caesar - St. Louis Post-Dispatch


Jeff Jacobs - Hartford Courant


Rick Sadowski - Rocky Mountain News



Strategy #3 - Go the Glamour Shots Route
Forget the standard $10-an-hour hack that the paper is hiring for head shots, these guys need to bring in the big boys if they want eyeballs on those columns. They need the camera man that is going to produce the kind of pic that will look as natural on the byline of a major newspaper as it would on the pages of a high school yearbook.

Gordon Monson - Salt Lake Tribune


Allen Wilson - Buffalo News


Rick Hurd - Contra Costa-Times



Strategy #4 - Go Retro
Still undecided as to the type of photo to attach to your words? You can never go wrong making it look like an album cover in 1972. Trust me.

Nick Horvath - The Harrisburg Patriot-News


Thom Loverro - Washington Times



Strategy #5 - Go Even More Retro
If the album cover route doesn't do it for you, roll it back a little further. Perhaps break out a look made famous by a certain 19th century American president...

George Vecsey - New York Times



Strategy #6 - Work for the New York Daily News

If all else fails and you just can't figure out the best way to develop a little chemistry between your words and your all-important columnist photo, there are two options 1.) don't have a picture at all and 2.) go to work for the New York Daily News.

Simply put, the Daily News does it better than anyone else. Take a look at their all-star roster of toupees, face-masks, Civil War era mustaches and Mike Lupicas...

Dick Weiss - NY Daily News




Bob Raismann - NY Daily News



Mitch Lawrence - NY Daily News


Filip Bondy - NY Daily News


Mike Lupica - NY Daily News


The Slammer - NY Daily News



Choose your picture wisely sports columnists of America, for your readers will be watching.
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JDK, October 17, 2008 12:10 PM
Three words: Brian Van Ochten.One More word: Combover
Wes, October 17, 2008 07:10 AM
How about Mark Kriegel at FoxSports.com? Looks like he is smelling and/or taking a nasty dump. And it's taken at a weird angle, like the camera is looking down at him.
JB, October 17, 2008 07:10 AM
The USA Today is probably the top competition for the Daily News in terms of sheer amount of ridiculous pics. They have the Bodley and Saraceno ones referenced below, Rod Beaton, Michael Heinstand where he looks like he just stepped out of a wind tunnel and of course the Game On one with the two guys standing back-to-back holding random sports equipment as seen above. They know what they're doing over there at America's paper.
The Billiken, October 17, 2008 07:10 AM
Try Ben Diggle of the Peoria Journal Star. His will top all of these.
Patrick, October 17, 2008 05:10 AM
In addition to Filip Bondy looking flirtatious to the reader, he gives the vibe that he'll stink up the restroom, much like the photo of Hal Bode referenced by Thomas Magnum below.
Thomas Magnum, October 17, 2008 04:10 AM
I haven't read USA Today in forever, so he may have a new one...but I was always fascinated by Jon Sarceno's head shot...I think GEICO patterned their "caveman" guys after him...long hippie hair and full Johnny Damon beard. And Hal Bode's pic made him look like he was five minutes away from dropping a toxic double deucer in the stall next you w/o an obligatory courtesy flush.
Rocky Mtn Highball, October 17, 2008 03:10 AM
Marketing idea...A case of Budweiser to the first columnist to get his new mugshot taken while wearing any sort of viewable JSF attire!
MC, October 16, 2008 12:10 PM
Also if you scroll through Van Ochten's column, his picture never leaves the screen. How is this guy not on ESPN, showing the world how stupid he is, everyday?
MC, October 16, 2008 12:10 PM
Lord! The thats great comb over Van Ochten. Perfectly shameless.
Evan, October 16, 2008 12:10 PM
Rick Hurd's looks like it should be an "in memoriam."
Barry Duffman, October 16, 2008 12:10 PM
Why is Dick Weiss wearing Marv Albert's hair piece? Also, is Filip Bondy coming on to me?
Eddie in Grand Rapids, October 16, 2008 11:10 AM
My pet farret disappeared about a year ago. It turns out Van Ochten stole it, skinned it, and used it for a hair piece!
Eric, October 16, 2008 10:10 AM
Look up Brian VanOchten of the Grand Rapids Press... trust me you wont be dissapointed
Barry Duffman, October 16, 2008 09:10 AM
These are almost as great as the Worthless Card Collection. I think this should become a regular feature on the site. You can't convince me that there isn't at least one moronic photo at every paper in North America. Get busy boys.
Paul Bearer, October 16, 2008 09:10 AM
Dan Caesar is my less pale, twin brother.
JB, October 16, 2008 09:10 AM
Rod Beaton was definitely on the short list of pics. He's got killer tinted glasses.
Patrick, October 16, 2008 08:10 AM
Rod Beaton at USA Today used to have one of the most bizarre pictures in that he resembled a homeless drunkard.
Rocky Mtn Highball, October 16, 2008 07:10 AM
Norman Chadd's mugshot really needed to be included on this list!
Gallagher, October 16, 2008 06:10 AM
If sledgehammers make good sports columnists, I would have been one of the best.
Confuscious, October 16, 2008 06:10 AM
I say:"Columnist who has sledgehammer in mug shot, less likely to be fired or have job eliminated in declining industry!"
JB, October 16, 2008 06:10 AM
Tell Armstrong that if he threw a lei on in his photo, he'd really sell the look. Of all of these, I still think my favorite is the old Clark Judge sledgehammer pic that I linked to. There is just no reason to have a sledgehammer and Judge looks like he is as confused as we are.
gpclay, October 16, 2008 06:10 AM
Now THIS is the kind of stuff that makes me love JSF...
Rocky Mtn Highball, October 16, 2008 06:10 AM
Hee Hee...My wife is a Layout/Designer for the Denver Post. Upon my telling her "you HAVE to check out JoeSportsfan today..." and telling her about Armstrong's mugshot, she replied, "GRRRRRREAT, now I'll probably have to change the f'in thing AGAIN!" Ah, the far-reaching power of JSF!
The Slammer, October 16, 2008 06:10 AM
Even I'm scared of Lupica in his picture.
Jason, October 16, 2008 05:10 AM
an absolutely fantastic column

Gorman Thomas

In 1981, Gorman Thomas was suspended five games after he ripped off the arm of a heckling fan and used it to lay down a succesful sacrifice bunt during the game.

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