Let's talk about poker in a nutshell...

When it comes down to it, there are a finite number of possibilities in actual gameplay and at a certain level of "expertise", all players are presented with the exact same number of odds and combinations to achieve a winning hand of cards.  It's all simple math, and knowing specific percentages of victory throughout the course of the game so you can pick your battles accordingly.

Because of this inherent commonality in gameplay options and percentages, all players are on the same level throughout the course of the game - given all players *know* these gameplay percentages.  The game inevitably comes down to betting strategies and bluffing.  Pretty simple, right?

Not so.



Apparently - as the video displays - all players are supposed to abide by these known percentages...and should one player go against the grain, play a hand, and win on an inferior playing percentage, well then he's an idiot.  One might even call type of behavior as "bad etiquette" (I would use the word "unsportsmanlike", but poker isn't a sport - not even close).

We're told that the malcontent weeny in the poker jersey - yes, jersey - is Phil Hellmuth, who has been the cock of the walk around the poker tables since 1989, when he became the youngest player to win the Main Event of the WSOP.  Truth be told, we're not all that impressed.  I once won a game of Chutes and Ladders back in '87.  Yea, that's right.  I was 6.

Good for Mr. Poker Jersey, though.  I'm sure he'll make some lady very happy some day.  He won't even need to date her.  He'll meet her at some poker hangout, and he'll immediately know that she wants to marry him.  It's called "a read", idiot.

This is why poker people and their self-appointed sense of superior intelligence over people that "don't understand their game" suck.  We get your game.  We don't understand your fancy check, double-check, and double-secret-check raises because we don't stay up all night studying "habits" and "tells" of other dudes playing on the internet.  Perhaps if we slapped on a pair of Ray Bans indoors, we would be provided this transcendent knowledge.

Every single person in the aforementioned video sucks - ESPN for running this shit, the influx of fan boys in the crowd that are actually "watching" poker, the sheepish announcers, the pit boss, Hellmuth's buddy to the left.  All.  Suck.

Except the foreign dude who is currently planning when to stick a fork in Hellmuth's eye socket.