When seemingly everyone in the sports media heads to Miami days in advance to cover the Super Bowl, it shouldn’t come as too big a surprise to see some network crossover.  A John Madden or Terry Bradshaw sighting during long drawn-out coverage at the beginning of the week on ESPN wouldn’t be all that shocking, would it?
 
Well, maybe it would.  
 
Tuesday afternoon, Fox’s Jimmy Johnson sat alongside Trey Wingo on ESPN’s SportsCenter Media Day Special (even though the media gets to talk to players and coaches every day of the year nullifying any idea that it would be ‘special’) for a brief segment.  The fact that a member of Fox’s high priced pre-game show sat on an ESPN set wasn’t shocking in and of itself, but you might be surprised to hear how such a crossover was made possible.
 
This wasn’t “Fox’s Jimmy Johnson”; it was “Jimmy Johnson brought to you by Sam’s and MasterCard.”  
 
We’re serious.  
 
For the few minutes Johnson gave insight to the Bears/Colts matchup, the viewing public may have noticed a MasterCard pin on Jimmy’s jacket.  And even if viewers didn’t notice, they certainly heard an interruption from Wingo midway through the short Q&A session proclaiming “Jimmy is joining us courtesy of our friends at Sam’s and Mastercard”.  
 
There you have it folks.  Just when you thought advertising couldn’t get a stronger grip on the sports world, media members are now being bought and paid for. We don’t know about you, but we’re picturing Johnson being hauled around Miami in a gorilla cage, with the only set of keys held by reps from his two sponsors.  

By this time next year, the suit coats of NFL analysts will resemble NASCAR hoods, and John Madden’s eyebrows will be sponsored by Chaquita.  All we know is we want to be a fly on the wall when the cell phone companies engage in a battle to see who sponsors Sean Salisbury.  
 
Don’t say we didn’t warn you.  (The preceding Media Circus section was sponsored in part by Gummi Bears.)
 
Crap that Actually Came from Somebody’s Mouth
“I don’t like your profession.” – Skip Bayless to Jay Feely
 
Ironic that Bayless would flat out tell a kicker how much he disapproves of his profession since there are roughly 40 million people who would say the same about Bayless’ daily performance as a sports pundit.
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"Nobody is talking about (the Suns) as one of the greatest ever." - Bill Walton
 
The strangest part of this quote – aside from the fact that Bill Walton believes the Suns should be considered one of the greatest ever even though they haven’t won an NBA title – is the fact that when he said it, he was high as a kite and talking to his stuffed monkey. 
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"I wish (Roger) Federer was American." - Bryan Burwell, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

We think we know what Burwell is trying to say, that sports fans in this country would care more about Federer if he was American.  But you’d think a veteran of his “stature” wouldn’t say it with such political incorrectness.
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"I think he's committed to winning." - Tim Cowlishaw on Tiger Woods
 
Typically Cowlishaw requires a player to win 10 straight PGA tournaments to concede that they’re committed to winning, but this time he just has a hunch. 
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"Replacing Lanny Wadkins with (Nick) Faldo makes CBS saucier." - Michael Heistand, USA Today
 
Faldo may be a better analyst than Wadkins, but his making CBS ‘saucier’ is up for debate.  Probably because we have no idea what “saucier” means.
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"Have we heard anything about services for Barbaro?" – Robert Flores, ESPN News
 
Jesus, this is starting to resemble the Saved by the Bell episode where Slater’s lizard Artie died.


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”Rex Grossman doesn’t have any pressure on him.” – Jimmy Johnson

See what type of insight MasterCard and Sam’s buy?  
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“Manning’s triumph gives all of us hope.” - Mike Celizic, msnbc.com

Hope that one day, we too can be a multi-million dollar athlete receiving verbal fellatio as a result of securing a spot in the Super Bowl. 
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“I didn't see nearly as much freak-show type activity at media day this year. The clown quotient in the reporting ranks seemed to be at an all-time low. Well, that's not completely true. I did see Chris Berman giving interviews.” – Don Banks, SI.com

You have no idea how much more we like Don Banks after reading that quote.
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Greetings from Miami! After holding its last four Super Bowls in Detroit, Jacksonville, Houston and Kazakhstan, the NFL switched gears and moved the game to a marquee destination people enjoy visiting. Sure, it's a radical idea to have the world's biggest sporting event in a desirable location that features warm weather, dozens of luxury hotels, an endless array of hopping nightclubs and restaurants, a gorgeous beach scene, enough strippers and hookers to wear down Charlie Sheen, high-class shopping and a major airport that flies direct to every city, but give the NFL credit for taking such an enormous gamble. – Bill Simmons

Anyone else sick of Simmons whining about the places he gets to take all expensed paid trips to?
 
Ventre’s Comedy Career Stalls
As a freelance writer for msnbc.com, Michael Ventre has taken his share of jabs from us here at the Circus.  Through comparisons of any young talented basketball player to Michael Jordan and the constant spewing of extra cheesy snappy lines, Ventre has been far from an entertaining read.
 
That all changed this week, with Ventre’s “41 Things To Watch For at Super Bowl XLI” when he dropped some hilarious gems that made us rethink our stance.  Here are 4 such gems that had us rolling around in a fit of side-splitting laughter.
 
Inspired by the success of Bears coach Lovie Smith, two coaches attending Super Bowl week will announce they’ve changed their names to Schmoopie Coughlin and Buttercup Del Rio.
 
If the Colts win, center Jeff Saturday will change his name to Jeff “Super Bowl” Sunday.
 
The NFL opted to use Cirque du Soleil as the pre-game entertainment rather than the more divisive Cirque du T.O.
 
The Indianapolis Colts are the visiting team, which means they’ll have to stay in a hotel and bus to the game. The Chicago Bears are the home team, meaning they get to stay at Shaq’s house.

Ha!  Isn’t that funny?  No, not so much.  
 
Seriously Michael: “Schmoopie Coughlin and Buttercup Del Rio?”  That’s the type of crap that gets people fired where we come from – and mercilessly beaten.

Media Rant - What can the media possibly talk about?
The majority of the media’s purpose at the Super Bowl is simple – seek out and find stuff that can be controversial.  In most years, the players oblige by shacking up with a hooker or going clinically insane in Tijuana (Barrett Robbins). 

Last year, things were slow until the Jerramy Stevens – Joey Porter feud was created and the public watched helplessly as gasoline was poured on the minute spark created when Stevens basically said he thought his team would win. 

This year, mid-way through the week, the media is floundering.  There just isn’t anything notable to talk about except – gasp! – the game itself.  But who wants to hear about that?

The result is a group of writers and talking heads desperately scraping for something to overanalyze.  They tried to make a big deal out of the Colts arriving in Miami a day late, but it became obvious it didn’t make much of a difference.  By now, the blackness of the two head coaches has been discussed so much that even the media is sick of it.  

At least some are giving it a shot.  Mike Celizic of msnbc.com chose to pursue the “I’m just going to make something up” angle, with his recent column titled “Is Dungy Too Nice to Win Super Bowl?”

Mike Silver went with a trip down memory lane to a time when the media was talented enough to create their own strange story topics, you know the good old days.  He used his platform on SI.com to reminisce about a night he spent with Falcons’ Ray Buchanan and rapper Luther Campbell, when together the Three Musketeers bought “Ray Bu” (yes he really called him that) a studded dog collar to wear to media day.  If there’s anything readers hungry for football coverage love, its stories meant to brag about how tight the writer is with the players. 

On Tuesday, the phenomenon known as “Media Day” - where the reporters and networks dedicate endless resources to covering themselves - came and went without anything notable.  

What’s left?  Or as Jay Crawford of Cold Pizza translated into Media-speak “who will be this year’s Joey Porter?”

With nothing surfacing as the weekend approaches, some pundits are left frantically searching for their golden story, while other less creative colleagues simply go back to writing about the football game on Sunday. 

For the record…
The one redeeming quality of Media Day is that for some reason the players are forced to dress in full uniform resulting in numerous awkward photos such as this…

Barbaro Coverage Euthanized
In the wake (no pun intended) of Barbaro’s permanent slumber, comes a feeling of calm that finally, the coverage of the horse has ceased.  As a way to encapsulate all the media has taught us through its ridiculous coverage, let’s hand it over to Jeremy Schaap.   
 
”He will live in the memories of millions.

"In his moment of anguish, Barbaro touched a nation… he was beautiful, swift, and invincible."

"He leaves no offspring but his legacy is clear."

"More than anything else, he was a horse who affirmed our humanity."
 
Thank you, Jeremy.  We couldn’t have said it any better.


Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
When an event the magnitude of the Super Bowl comes around, the King of the Snappy Round Table Bob Carpenter expects championship efforts from his seasoned veterans.  Boomer, what do you have for us? 
 
"Da Bears are scheduled to get on Da Bus to get on Da Plane." - Chris Berman
 
Hmmm, Bob’s not sure how he feels about that one.  Let’s go to Boomer’s Bristol colleague Neil Everett regarding the college basketball double-header.
 
"Bartender: DOUBLE SHOT!  BIG MONDAY!” - Neil Everett
 
As a result of his strong love of Bartels & James wine coolers, Bobby sends the obligatory thumbs up to Neil Everett and gives a moderate thumbs up to Boomer for his efforts.  He does point out, however, that the next round of snap must be original, as Berman uttered a similar line about “Da Bears” in December, and Neil always intertwines alcohol in his snappy references. 

We’re going to have to tell Robert C. not to hold his breathe if he’s expecting something original from either man in the future.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig.  They swear this stuff is real.  Email them at info@joesportsfan.com