Sunday, 10:00 AM: Bristol Online Headquarters

Alright; daddy’s got golf headline duties today. 

I hope and pray things stay the same for the ladies tournament.  Right now, Sarah Lee is leading the Sybase Classic.  If that holds true, things will get very interesting – and creative.  Nobody wants Lorena Ochoa to win anyway.  I mean, look at these potential beauties for the golf section should Lee hang on…

Nobody Hits it Like Sarah Lee

Nothing like a play on a famous slogan.  We could even change it up a bit and do “Nobody wins it like Sarah Lee,” but that’s probably too obvious.  How about this one… .

Nobody Holds it Like Sarah Lee

A nice change of pace, and I do like the originality and thinking that goes into that one.  But readers may not interpret it the right away. Like, Reader A may think she’s holding a club or a shaft when Reader B (who is so much more intelligent than Reader A) sees the meaning in Lee “holding” the trophy. 

Wait!  I got it…

Nobody Strokes it like Sarah Lee

I like it.  It’s got the whole creative Sarah Lee aspect to it and plays on the golf lingo.  If an unsuspecting fan casually browses that headline, he or she would have to know it was about ladies golf. 

I bet the real Sarah Lee knew how to stroke it too.  In between all that cooking and baking, she probably played a lot of golf - nothing like stroking the shaft to relieve some stress.  It’s always a bonus to have a woman who’s a good cook and an even better stroker – though I can’t speak from experience on either end.

… … … …

Sunday, 5:00 PM: Bristol Online Headquarters

Damn; Ochoa won.  And everything was going so well too.  There it is…

“Ochoa Defends Sybase Crown”.

Fu*k! 

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
"The Spurs were the better team Friday, but thanks to Stern, we'll never truly know if they were the better team for the series." - Gene Wojciechowski

The Suns may well have gotten “screwed”, but they still lost 3 games to the Spurs with a full roster.  That’s more than the Spurs lost (oh, and Amare Stoudemire scored 38 pts in the Spurs clinching defeat and it still wasn't enough).
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”You know what?  It FEELS AWESOME!” – Jim Rome, on a fan having a Jim Rome tattoo on his leg

Great take by Romie. 

HiLArious.

Phenomenal.

Incredible. 

Having said all of that, if the person with the Rome tattoo has a wife and/or job, we’d be surprised.
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“Tiger Woods and I have something in common: He just got a tuneup of his original LASIK procedure. I'll get said tuneup in June.” – Peter King

We’re excited to hear the details later on this summer considering it’s been over a year since Petey detailed the trauma of his personal pooping problems.  This procedure should be a much more smooth, comfortable tale.
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”If I’m LeBron James, I’m throwing it down (to show) maybe I am the next Jordan." – Jay Mariotti

Perhaps LeBron James chose not to take the game winning shot because he thought a wide open three point attempt by a guy who caught fire the previous round would give his team the best chance to win.  Also, we’re going to go out on a limb and say LeBron doesn’t give two shits about being the “next MJ” seeing as the only people who seem to care are people like Mariotti. 

And what about Jordan?  We recall him dishing to John Paxson and Steve Kerr for game/series/championship clinching shots. 
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"When (Jordan) found Paxson, he already had 2 rings.  He was established.” – Jay Mariotti

See now you’re just trying to argue for the sake of arguing, Jay.  Is that to say LeBron should only be unselfish and pass the ball after he’s won a couple of titles?
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”(Michael Jordan) established himself before he was unselfish.  This could be the chink in (LeBron’s) armor (not taking the shot).  This, I think, is a big black mark against LeBron James.” – Bill Plaschke

So there are some legs to Mariotti's theory, eh?  Apparently you can't be an uselfish superstar until you've won championships.

Seeing as we’re having an argument with Jay and Bill, we’re thinking this is a stupid conversation and that’s why it’s over.
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Hunk of Meat Still atop Rob Dibble’s Neck
Good to see Foxsports.com’s resident meathead shift into mid-season, all star form with some insight on baseball’s hot-button issues.  You might have been wondering what Dibble thinks of Commissioner Bud Selig’s potential no-show of the Barry Bonds home run record breaker celebration.  If so, consider yourself lucky:

“Guys like Ozzie Smith, who never say anything controversial, are now speaking out saying the Commissioner has to be there... If Ozzie Smith, who is one of the most likable Hall of Famers of all time, speaks out about the commissioner, you have to listen.”

We have no gripes about listening to the opinion of a Hall of Famer, but to say Ozzie Smith doesn't say anything controversial is like saying John Amaechi doesn't like men.  Let’s move on to another controversial figure: Sammy Sosa…

“I love Sammy Sosa.  He’s one of the more likable guys of all time.”

Of all time, Rob?  Really? 

If you’re having a summer BBQ for your “most likable”, then we’ll assume Ozzie and Sammy will be in line at the buffet right behind Rafael Palmeiro, Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire and Pete Rose. 

One final question, Rob: what do you take from all the talk of steroids constantly surrounding Major League Baseball?

”It’s baseball.  He’s hitting a little white ball.  He’s hitting it over the fence.   There’s kids dying in other countries for our freedoms.  It’s not to that extent - people are missing the big picture here.  It’s baseball, it’s a game; it’s played for entertainment value.  Let’s keep it as such.”

Right on, Rob.  Baseball is just a game, so let’s not question people’s ethics nor analyze the game since U.S. soldiers are dying.  In fact, let’s do away with celebrations and awards for all sports.  Why should people care Ryan Howard won the MVP last year when there is violence all over the world?  In fact, let's quite broadcasting games since there are more important things going on across the globe.

Media Rant – Reaction to the NBA Final Four
If nothing else, the sports media is predictable.  After the underdog Warriors were relinquished by the Jazz and Phoenix was dumped by San Antonio in the conference semi-finals, our online media friends resorted to the old reliable “this is boring” theme. 

Writers all across the Internets voiced their displeasure and disproval.  Leading off, we have the veteran, ESPN.com’s Gene Wojciechowski

"This is going to come out the wrong way -- we get Game 1 of the Western Conference finals with the Utah Jazz. Nothing wrong with that, except that the Spurs-Suns got jobbed. We all did. In fact, I could have watched these two teams play a best-of-17 series."

To argue the NBA’s seeding needs a change is acceptable, but Gene loses any shred of credibility with that whole “17 game series” thing (and yes, we realize he's speaking in jest). 

Over at Foxsports.com, The Dime Mag Blog summed up the negativity of the online world very nicely:

"Your conference finals are set: Spurs/Jazz on one side, Pistons/Cavs on the other. Or as some would put it, LeBron vs. Where Did All The Superstars Go?"

An interesting take, considering the Pistons have become basketball’s version of the New England Patriots in the category of consistency, the Spurs have arguably the best big man in the NBA (more on him in a second), the media-proclaimed “King” in LeBron James is in his first Finals, and a young Utah Jazz team is the NBA's answer to a 21st Century NCAA all star team.
And in this era of "storyline"-starved media, Jazz guard Derek Fisher is playing with a heavy heart after his daughter had eye surgery to remove cancer. 

Dime Mag also failed to do any favors for their sentiments later in the piece, when it unintentionally acknowledged the conference finals as having 2 of the best back courts in the NBA:

"Manu went for 33 points, while Tony Parker dropped 30. Are they the best backcourt in the League? What about Chauncey and Rip?"

Where did all the stars go?  If being the top guard tandem in the league doesn’t acquire “superstar status”, then what does?  Should both tandems scream, yell and receive technical fouls every game, or is that too "boring"? 

[segue]

Our final negative piece was concocted by the one and only Michael Ventre, who devoted 1,000+ words to discussing how Tim Duncan is boring:

"I wonder how Tim Duncan feels about being looked upon as dull. I can’t tell him how to feel, of course. But if it were me, I think I would embrace it."

Trust us, Michael.  You can start embracing it.

"If (Tim Duncan) is slightly off his game, as he was last season, then the dullness isn’t discussed, because Duncan isn’t discussed. If he’s playing like a boring man possessed, like he has been lately, then people the world over fixate on his dullness."

Ironic in the sense that the people discussing the boredom of Duncan are Ventre and his fellow media members.

"Once again, Duncan is duller than ever — and the Spurs couldn’t be happier.  Duncan seemed uncomfortable with the attention (regarding the Joey Crawford "fight"), as most boring men would."

This coming from a man speaking from experience.

Seriously Guys; You Might Want to Fix That
Via stlsportsmag.com, JSF’s own Matt Sebek dug up an interesting tidbit at the Baseball Hall of Fame Web site regarding MLB uniforms.  Sebek sayeth:

For 95 years (1900-1994), the uniform database uses the same "model".  All of the sudden, in 1995, they use a different model - one that is bigger, beefier, and bulkier. Hmmmmmmm...  Perhaps the lead artist for the website passed away in 1994. Perhaps this was baseball's way of swinging with the modern times and making their graphics look modern. Perhaps they just wanted a change...after 94 solid years.

Or...perhaps even the world of athletic cotton wants to segregate the infamous Steroid Era from the rest of history.

"MLB didn't change the template. Up through '94, the templates are from Marc Okkonen's book, 'Baseball Uniforms of the 20th Century'. After that, the model pictures are from the official MLB Style Guide. Two separate sources, merged on the web."

We’re not buying it – and that’s why we’ve already contacted George Mitchell.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
Not since the fall of 2005 has the Bobber convened with his original partner in snap magic, Cardinals analyst Rickey Horton.  But Sunday happened to be a special day, as Bobby viewed the Cardinals postgame show via satellite and beamed with pride as he watched his one time partner weave together a snappy line derived from the Tigers’ 3 game sweep of the Cardinals in Detroit, aka Motown:

“They needed mo hits and mo runs.”

After hearing that line, the Bobber got a fuzzy, warm feeling in his heart and eagerly looks forward to a Memorial Day weekend rendezvous with his former partner as the Nationals visit Busch Stadium III.  Bobby vows to bring the meat for a snap-filled barbecue - and tops this week’s edition with two solid thumbs up. 

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig.  They swear this stuff is real.  Email them at info@joesportsfan.com

More Media -- Steve Kerr is good, a Mitch Albom sighting, and Borges retires!