So, it looks like the Worldwide Leader didn’t learn anything from last week.  We thought we made the rules clear: 

Making Sportscenter a mockery because you want to show hot chicks is okay. 
Making Sportscenter a mockery because you want to try to integrate it in with some movie promotion is bad. 

Last week the set was invaded by Jessica Alba, a perfect example of rule #1.  Last night, however, they went and violated rule #2 for the second time in a month.  At the end of May you’ll recall, we endured the special highlights package sponsored by Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End, which led to loads of crappy pirate jokes.  

On Tuesday, they took it a step further and actually surrounded a whole show around another summer blockbuster – this time it was Live Free or Die Hard, the fourth installment of the adventures of Bruce Willis as John McClain.  

Hey, let us be the first to say it – we have no problems with Die Hard movies.  Anytime we can catch Johnny McClain thwarting Hans Gruber’s takeover of the Nakatomi Tower on TNT we’ll gladly carve out a few hours of our lives to watch.  But we don’t think it’s too much to ask to be able to catch a few baseball highlights without being subjected to Willis in what they described as…

“hilarious co-branded TV spots alongside the San Diego Chargers' Antonio Gates announcing "The 'Live Free or Die Hard' Sports Fan Challenge" and inviting viewers to log on to ESPN.com to enter the contest.”

Whatever the studios are paying the boys in Bristol, we sure hope it’s worth losing every shred of credibility they may have built up over the past 25 years.  

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
"He's a great ambassador for baseball - people love (Sammy Sosa).  He puts rear ends in the seats." - John Kruk

Though we can’t prove it with statistics, we’re confident not all “people” love Sammy Sosa.  We’re also not too sure we’d consider Sammy a great ambassador for baseball, what with the corked bat, steroids suspicions and forgetting how to speak English in front of Congress.
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"You watch Hunter Pence play and there's nothing that would tell you he's as gifted as he is." - John Kruk

You listen to John Kruk talk and there’s nothing that would tell you he played baseball professionally (sorry; we couldn’t resist).
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"With so many pitchers out, the Cardinals have been forced to rely on former relievers, including Anthony Reyes and Kip Wells, who are a combined 2-19." - ESPN.com News Services

Former relievers?  In their last 183 combined games, Kip Wells and Anthony Reyes have started 182 of them.  Great stat checking guys.  
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"Are we looking at the Greatest Show on Turf Part II?  I don't know; stay tuned." - Bonnie Bernstein
 
That marks 3 weeks in a row the St. Louis Rams have been documented on the “Greatest Show Meter”.  Just imagine what will happen when the Rams score 30 points for the first time in the regular season.
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"No one would think that 350 (wins) is that big of a deal." - Skip Bayless on Roger Clemens wins total
 
Only 7 other pitchers have 350 or more wins in Major League Baseball history – none of whom have pitched since 1965.  Just throwing that out there in case Skip is reading.

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"Neither of us are ignorant.  We're both savvy." - Jay Mariotti on he and Woody Paige

We can attest to several thousand people who might object to that, many of whom are reading this right now.  And if Schlereth hears that you’ve stolen the word savvy from him, he’s likely to maul you with his bare hands.

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"I was taking deep breaths on the mound. My mouth got dry a couple times.  That was the more difficult part. Heat or cold is not a big deal. The one inning a storm blew in and the wind changed direction. The wind hit my chest and caused me to throw the ball out of the zone. But I made the adjustment. Then, the wind started to blow straight out." -Roger Clemens discussing the problems he faced in a start in Colorado

We’re thinking being 44 years old had something to do with it too – especially since the game recap noted the wind was just 1MPH.   (Hat Tip: With Leather)

Fernando Vina has no idea where he’s going with this…
Having watched Fernando Vina as a part-time studio analyst for our hometown Cardinals last year, The Media Circus was, how do we say this politely, “surprised” that ESPN gave him a job as Baseball Tonight analyst.  Vina has a knack for offering up little to no insight all while rambling in a manner that leaves us shaking our heads.  (Note: when he’s on-set, he reminds us of a nervous teen trying to talk to the girl he covets.  Keep that in mind next time you watch him and it might make it worthwhile.)  

We’ve often wondered if the Baseball Tonight production crew watched sample tapes of Vina from 2006; and if they did, we would like to enjoy some of the product they were smoking at the time.  We also wondered what Vina thought of Sammy Sosa’s 600th career home run.  

Fortunately, he didn’t disappoint on a recent episode of Baseball Tonight.

"It's just as special as it can come...  It's an accomplishment that is out of this world....  I mean, Sammy has just been incredible...  I mean, it's been such a special run for him and for him to do it against his former club, the Cubs, it just gives you a little more adrenaline, a little more fire, and I'm sure he really wanted to hit that against the Cubs and do what he did.  I mean it's just a special night and it's something we'll never forget… (it’s) so special and it's just been a great, great story. "

And if you were wondering Vina’s take on Michael Barrett’s trade to San Diego, well then, consider yourself double lucky:

"I knew when (Barrett) got into the brawl with Zambrano and they got into the dugout and they got into it, someone had to go.  And Michael Barrett is the one that is going to have to go; I mean that's the bottom line.  You can't get in a fight or get into it with your ace and that's the bottom line and that's what happened there."

Thanks for the clarity, Fernando.

Sexual Tension Mounting in Bristol
As the heat of summer shifts upwards, it seems our friends in Bristol are in need of a little R&R to relieve some stress and tension.  On a recent episode of NFL Live, host Bonnie Bernstein along with the Big Savvy and Jaws  weren't afraid to get after it.

First, the Big Savvy dropped some subtle game, Roc Hoover style discussing Marc Bulger:

"His statistics (are) absolutely yummy."

A little innuendo from the man they call "the 'Hoove" never hurt anyone.  And Bonnie Bernstein?  She liked it:

"Yummy... I think that should be the theme throughout the show."

Not wanting to be left out of the fun, Jaws wanted to let Bonnie how he felt about her:

"BONNIE, YOU ARE IN MY WHEELHOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!"

The Big Savvy, however, was not impressed by Jaws' "wheelhouse" and elected to offer a physical, smashmouth 2-on-1:

"I'm gonna get a double over the top of Marvin Harrison."

Jaws decided to stop playing around, so he asked Bonnie a very poignant question:

"SEE WHAT I HAVE IN MY HAND???"

And Bonnie?  She, well, uh, she ... ... ...

And Jaws became orgasmic.

To put an exclamation on the tension, ESPN shipped Orel Hershiser and Erin Andrews out to cover the college world series.  Aside from looking kind of funny together, Orel seemed to be thrown for a loop when Erin uttered the words "Beavers" and "Orel" multiple times in the same sentence.

Jason Taylor Can't Grasp why People Care About Football 
"I don't want to get too political, but we're in a war based on false pretenses. We have problems in this nation with health care and affordable housing, and how many politicians have lied about that? And people want to freak out because Nick Saban wouldn't coach a football team?"  - Jason Taylor

It always escapes us as to why some athletes seem to believe that people only have a limited mentall capacity.  We never realized that simply because a Dolphins fan was fired up about Nick Saban that it meant they couldn’t be concerned with other issues in society.  Then we saw their season ticket application and we knew where Taylor was coming from…

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
Last week Bobby C. took a week off from the snappy festivities and to his surprise many Circus readers were clamoring for his return.  

Who better to welcome him back into the fold than his old partner in crime, Ricky Horton?  On Sunday, Horton, the co-founder of the Snappy Line section, was ecstatic when he read the lineup cards in the Cardinals-Phillies game and saw that Michael Bourn was given the start for the Philadelphia.  He knew that at some point the conversation would center on the reserve outfielder and when it did, he was locked and loaded.

When play-by-play man John Rooney made a comment about Bourn’s speed, Ricky didn’t hestitate to knock it out of the park:

“So that’s the Bourn identity!”

Who cares that it was completely predictable and didn’t really make any sense.  All we know is that it damn near brought the Bobber to tears.   He misses the good old days.  

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig.  They swear this stuff is real.  E-mail them at info@joesportsfan.com