Any 20 or 30 something man worth his salt knows who the best video game athletes of all time are.  We’ve all told and been told tales of running around and through people with Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson or getting knocked unconscious by Mike Tyson in Super Punchout.   In telling these fables, we sometimes tend to ignore some of the true greats in the world of video game athletics.  Every team needs its role players right? 

We’ve decided to bypass the icons and focus on the lesser known video game legends.  These are the guys who fly under the radar, but have had equally distinguished cyber careers.   

Paste – Bases Loaded
While other baseball video games may have called on Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, Dwight Gooden and Tito Landrum to serve as their heroes, Bases Loaded was forced to turn to the star of Jersey who had nibbled at the heels of Roger Maris with his 60 HR’s in one season.  Paste was the fictional baseball equivalent of Pele, a star who could be recognized with only one word.  

And in true superstar fashion, if you drilled him in the game, he always charged the mound.  Fun for all ages.    

The Beast – Evander Holyfield’s “Real Deal” Boxing 
In the early stages, “cheat codes” on video games gave you 30 extra men.  By the time Evander Holyfield’s “Real Deal” Boxing came out for Sega, cheat codes turned a normal fighter into a green monster with orange hair that looked like a deranged Lou Ferrigno in boxing trunks.  Real Deal was one of the first games where you could create your own character.  And with that came the revelation that if you typed in “The Beast” as the boxer’s name, you created the ultimate fighting machine.  The Beast walks away with the title of “Best Mutant Boxer in a Video Game”.  

The Fats – Nintendo Ice Hockey 
Picture Tony Siragusa in a hockey get-up and on skates and you have the “Fat Guy” on Nintendo Hockey.  The Fats weren’t chasing down many loose pucks, but if they got control, they had a devastating slapper and frankly, were perfectly capable of dipping the skinny guys in Honey Mustard and eating them between shifts.  

Tony Armas – RBI Baseball
So, let me get this straight, arguably the greatest sports video game of all time, features players from the all the playoff teams in 1986 and 1987, names like Kirby Puckett, Kirk Gibson, Dwight Gooden and Daryl Strawberry were included, and the player that comes out of it all as the most feared hitter? 

Tony Armas.  

The guy wasn’t even a starter in the game for the love of God, yet when you put him in and slotted him in that lineup near Dwight Evans or Bill Buckner, he teed off on every pitcher in the game as if his mustache and afro depended on it.   Bye bye, Spike Owen.  Your services are no longer required.

Anyone from the corner – Double Dribble
When it came to Double Dribble, there was no one particular cyber athlete that rose above the rest.  They didn’t distinguish one player from another on the Boston Frogs, or the Chicago Crabs or whatever the hell they were called.  

As it turned out, Double Dribble was the ultimate team game.  Any player who set up camp in the top corner and launched threes became Larry Bird, Robert Horry and Jimmy Chitwood all wrapped into one.  He was utterly unstoppable.  

Jeremy Roenick and Mike Gartner – NHLPA Hockey
By the time NHLPA came around for Sega, the days of chunky, slow center iceman were long gone.  In their place were the lightning fast wingers like Roenick and Gartner who were completely uncheckable.  

If Marty McSorley would have skated up behind cyber Gartner and clocked him in the temple with his stick like he did Donald Brashear, Gartner would have smiled and continued up the ice to pull a fake one way shoot the other routine on the goalie.  It’s at that point when it becomes totally reasonable to smash your Sega controller on the ground in frustrations.  

Tyrone Wheatley – Bill Walsh College Football
Unlike Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson, Tyrone Wheatley was a duel threat on Bill Walsh College Football.  Not only was his ‘Sweep Right’ a devastating move, but he also could drop back and throw pinpoint 50 yard bombs with the ‘Half Back Toss & Pass’,  a play that nearly drove me to commit homicide in college.  Unfortunately, at this point, EA Sports hadn’t yet developed a defense with enough AI to figure out that Tyrone was going to throw the ball over and over and over.  He was unstoppable.  

Starman – Nintendo Wrestling
If you’ve got to go toe-to-toe in the wrestling ring with guys like King Slender, Giant Panther and The Amazon you’d better be a pretty damn solid athlete, video game or not.

Soda Popinksi – Mike Tyson’s Punch Out
Whether it was the vicious uppercuts, a basic communist bias or the fact that he sat and pounded vodka (aka “soda”) in the corner in between rounds, somehow Soda managed to emerge from the large shadow of cyber Mike Tyson.   

Thomas the Karate Guy – Kung Fu
Sure, it may not be a sport, but I don't know any other karate fighter who has the grapefuits to go head on with knife throwers, back flipping midgets, snakes, dragons, bee hives, orange giants, killer moths and an evil hunchback magician.  

Tom Chambers – Lakers vs. Celtics 
Nothing is quite as shocking as the sight of a 1980’s white basketball star, complete with standard issue mullet taking off from behind the three point line and throwing down a thunderous triple pump dunk.  As those who played Lakers vs. Celtics found out, in a game named after teams led by Magic Johnson and Larry Bird, it was Tom Chambers who was the most memorable.

Paperboy – Paperboy 
You probably don’t think of a paper route as a very athletic venture.  However, consider that, in addition to the general complexities of the paper route, this kid had to deal with rabid dogs chasing him down, streets lined with cars and mailboxes strategically patterned to take his head off, weak window panes that couldn’t withstand the impact of a ½ lb of rolled up paper and if that wasn’t enough, an obstacle course at the end.  

All things considered, I’d rather be delivering pizza. 

Underappreciated Video Game Athletes was written by Josh Bacott.  He got fired from his paper route after he tried to bike-flilp over his neighbor's mailbox.  Email him, at josh@joesportsfan.com