They say that week 2 in the NFL is a solid indicator of a team’s true personality.  It’s the week when a lot of the questions begin to get answered.  Is the team the real deal?  Do they have significant strides to make before contending?  Or, in the case of the St. Louis Rams, is the front office of this team really as much a complete and utter mess as it appears to outsiders?   

Just as scheduled, week 2 provided answers in the case of the Rams.  It has taken all of 14 days for the atmosphere at Rams Park to officially be classified as “total chaos”.  If the erratic play calling of Coach Mike Martz and the iffy 1-1 record of the team weren’t enough, we witnessed several strange media related actions by the team and its officials.  

First, we had the bizarre Samir Suleiman incident where the Rams front office member left a voice mail for Bernie Miklasz claiming that he was an “f-ing throat slasher”.  Genius move by Suleiman to leave the message with one of the few people in the market who could instantly reveal his stupidity to the entire city and as it turned out, the entire country.  Solid career move.

In addition to that, the Rams continue to antagonize the local media through their newly appointed media guru, John Hadley.  In recent weeks, the team has implemented a policy to keep Mike Martz press conferences from being broadcast live on the radio and required that interview requests and topics be submitted for review three days in advance. 

If all of that wasn’t enough, if you believe KFNS personality Kevin Slaten, Rams radio announcer Steve Savard essentially challenged Slaten to a fight at this Monday’s press conference, apparently over his disparaging comments regarding the team and its coach. 

Don’t forget that all of this is taking place at the same site of the infamous Brian McKenna – John Hadley brawl a few years back, where McKenna went Cobra Kai on Hadley. 

Needless to say, things are entertaining as always in the Mike Martz regime. 

Power Rankings - NFL Studio Analyst Hair
1.) Greg Gumbel – For years now, I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the mini-afro.
2.) Terry Bradshaw – Nothing beats a good old fashioned skullet.
3.) Michael Irvin – Makes the top 5 only because of the racing stripe/part he used to shave into his head.
4.) Jimmy Johnson – Four words - Rave Megahold Number 5
5.) Chris Berman – Berman looks like he put a fork into a socket two minutes before the start of Sunday NFL Countdown.

Crap that actually came out of someone’s mouth

(on Astros pitcher Ezekial Astacio’s acne)
“Speaking of Houston, I was curious about the condition on their pitcher’s face, if that was possibly distracting the hitters.” – Rachel from Festus (Midwest Sports Report) 

Sadly, if you’ve ever seen Ezekial Astacio, this question really isn’t all that crazy.  Even with that being the case, being able to rewind and watch the look on the faces of hosts Brent Stover and Rob King over and over again is basically a commercial for why everyone should have Tivo.  

“These are two grand masters of the game, who’ve been around a long time.”  -Woody Paige - Around The Horn (on why Bud Selig should seek the advice of Curt Schilling and David Wells.)

I can’t imagine that even publicity obsessed Curt Schilling would like being called a “grand master”.  Sounds like KKK day at the ballpark. 

“I think sometimes we over coached them in some respects.” – Mike Martz on the Rams defense in week 1.

This might be the first time that the words “over –coached” have ever been used in reference to Mike Martz.  Of course, it was said by Mike Martz, so, even though it is completely ridiculous, it’s not all that surprising. 

“You don't hurt your shoulder by landing on your shoulder, you hurt your shoulder by landing on your elbow.” – Dan Dierdorf, on shoulder injuries.

It sounded stupid and looks even sillier in print form.

“How will history remember the Johnny Pohl Era with the Blues?”- Jeff Gordon

Just another classic comedic line from the master, Gordo. 

“If you go 0-2, you take a giant step back and decrease your chances of making the playoffs.” – Tom Jackson, NFL Primetime. 

Jackson went on to further explain his groundbreaking theory that has been dubbed “The more you lose, the less chance you have of making the playoffs.”

Don’t ask why we keep track of these things
In the first half of Sunday’s Rams – Cardinals game, Rams radio announcer Steve Savard said, in various forms, the word “unload” 14 times.  It is believed that he is now the league leader in “unloads” per quarter with seven.  (We are working with STATS Inc. to confirm that).

Football
For whatever reason, football analysts love to use the word football.  Last week you may have read Mark Schlereth’s genius comment of, “I like Antrel Rolle because he’s a football player.”  Schlereth, however, is not the only analyst who uses and abuses the word.

On Sunday, Dan Dierdorf dropped this gem while speaking about Panthers DE Michael Rucker, “If you don’t know him, you will because he is a football player.”

Not to be outdone was Mike Ditka on Sunday NFL Countdown, “This guy is a football player.  He comes to play football ‘cause that's what he is, a football player.”

That’s just good analysis any way you slice it. 

The Adventures of Sign Guy
In his never-ending quest for random TV appearances, Busch Stadium’s own Sign Guy, made the trek to Chicago this weekend.  As expected he brought with him his portfolio of signs, to make certain that he blocked the view of all the people sitting behind his front row seat in the left field bleachers at Wrigley.  An Inside STL source that sat a few rows back of Sign Guy, confirmed that the signs were met with ample amounts of heckling from both Cardinals and Cubs fans, which is as it should be. 

Although how you can heckle someone who is witty enough to come up with signs that include these phrases which were held up at various times during Saturday’s game?

“It’s a Grudz match.”

“It’s High Nunez.”

Do you see what he did there?  “Grudz” sounds just like “grudge” and “High Nunez” is a mix between “High Noon” and Abraham Nunez.  Brilliant play on words.  You’ve done it again, Sign Guy. Bravo.

Sean Salisbury is Angry at You
It’s well documented that we find humor in the fact that Sean seems to have a vendetta against the audience.  Sometimes it seems he’s under the impression that we as the viewers have started an argument with him, and his job as analyst is to shoot us down.  The following represent this week’s edition of Salisbury’s Anger.

(After the Raiders loss to the Patriots on opening night)

“People, can we just put to rest that the Oakland Raiders are contenders.  They aren’t.  Now get over it!”

(On certain fantasy footballers lacking intelligence)

“If you didn’t draft Larry Johnson in your draft, you don’t know fantasy football period, anyway!”

Well folks, if you thought the Raiders were contenders and or you failed to draft Larry Johnson in your fantasy draft, you obviously aren’t as smart as Sean Salisbury. 

Basically we are all peasants to King Salisbury.

Now Get Over It!

Media Rant of the Week
Much has been made of the pending MVP race between Albert Pujols and Andruw Jones.  Some are saying that they would cast their vote for Pujols and some for the Braves slugger on pace for close to 60 HR’s this season. 

This criticism has nothing to do with the voting or the opinions regarding the chances of either player; (although anyone who would make a legit case for Jones is a retard) what needs to stop are the people who see that Andruw Jones’ first name is spelled with a ‘u’ in the place of the more traditional ‘e’ and thus think it’s necessary to come up with some alternative pronunciation to show how smart they are.  The result is that people always want to call him ON-drew Jones rather than simply AN-drew Jones.   These are the kinds of people who over pronounce Spanish names and love telling everyone what kind of sandwich they got at Bread Co. because it has a trendy name.  

The Braves announcers who see Jones everyday call him Andrew; the player profile on ESPN.com has the pronunciation of his name as Andrew.  Despite the fact that his parents chose to throw in an obscure ‘u’, his name is pronounced Andrew.  Stop making this more difficult that it has to be.  (Some might notice that this section is essentially arguing with no one, which means only one thing – too much Sean Salisbury)

Estimated Weeks remaining before Media begins stories on how the Rams are not “The Greatest Show on Turf” anymore – 1

Snappy Lines with Bob Carpenter and Ricky Horton
On Wednesday afternoon at Busch, Bob and Rick began a discussion about twin brothers who played in the Major Leagues.  The discussion prompted this…

Rick: Can you think of any twins who played professionally?

Bob: The Minnesota Twins

Rick: Ha ha ha .

That’s the kind of snap we’re talking about fellas.