[Note: every once and a while around these parts, the JSF crew will take trip back in time in a segment we will call "The Sports Delorean", based off Doc Brown and Marty McFly's time traveling vehicle. We will be documenting some of the more odd and obscure elements of sports from the 80s and 90s. It'll be a lot like VH-1 I love the 80s, except we won't have the Sklar Brothers appearing.]

For the better part of 40 years, the upper thighs of basketball players cried out for some compression. They had been left exposed to the stadium elements by shorts that threatened to sever their reproductive organs on a warm day.

For years there was no suitable solution, only more skin. The NBA uniform police would not concede to the pressure from their minions. Their detailed market research had clearly shown that exposed groins were gold in the ratings.

So the minions took action on their own terms.

Around 1989 and 1990, players who had accidentally seen their opponent’s testicles one too many times began challenging the uniform code with what became one of the most fleeting but effective trends of the time period.

They started wearing tights.



What else is a man to do when his future lineage is at stake? So they left six inches of abnormally constrictive acrylic exposed for all to see, at least their boys were safe from the razor sharp edges of the polyester shorts and the sharper lenses of the courtside cameras. The tights were taking over.

In their early stages, white was the dominant style appearing throughout the NBA, gaining popularity after prominent roles in notable events such as the 1989 Slam Dunk Contest.

It was there that Kenny “Sky” Walker proved that the only thing that could rise higher than his vertical, was the shorts he wore over his famous white tights. The fad quickly spread across the basketball playing landscape.

Major college programs such as Georgia Tech and their “Lethal Weapon 3” offense of Kenny Anderson, Dennis Scott and Brian Oliver made sure the style traveled with them to the 1990 Final Four. Scott and Oliver spent most of their time on the court trying to talk their young teammate into jumping on board the spandex bandwagon.

Apparently, peer pressure is a bitch, even for D-1 college basketball stars. Kenny caved.



Some felt it was a trend that only young people could appreciate, but even ten year NBA vets like the Trail Blazers Buck Williams saw the benefit. Damned if he was going to stand around and watch these new kids protect their undercarriage and not join in on the party.

The fad even made it’s way clear to the top of the game. No David Stern wasn’t wearing them under his suit pants (at least we think), we’re talking even higher than the commish. Michael Jordan himself got in on the act, albeit with a personalized black version no doubt custom made by Nike. Gotta keep those thighs looking good when the world is watching you know?

But the “white tights underneath the short shorts” trend is a topic being dissected in the Sports Delorean for a reason. Just like the Zubaz, Razor Blades and Wrestling Buddies before it, as quickly as it became popular, it faded away.

In this case, they were shoved aside by the influx of the baggy shorts, pioneered by Michigan’s Fab Five and emulated in all walks of basketball life. The acrylic under garments may have still been there, but fans were no longer afforded a glimpse.

Almost twenty years later, the impact is still being felt in the game. Under Armor took the concept of dangerously-snug-yet-exposed clothing to a new level with their psychotic commercial spokesman urging all athletes to strap on their tightest attire.

In 2006, some NBA stars such as LeBron James did their best to best to bring a mutated version but, in what was no doubt a power play to save the legacy of the original, David Stern authorized the amendment of the dress code to prevent hideous full length tights from being worn in games.



Kenny Walker no doubt thanks Mr. Stern for that.

Even as brief as it was, the white tights fad was critical to the development of the league. Players were safer and more comfortable and fans could finally watch a game without shading their eyes for fear of a gruesome shot of Kevin McHale's junk. Win, win. The fad had such an impact that we hear it may be the next big exhibit at the NBA Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA.

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Previous Sports Deloreans

Zubaz
Oakley Razor Blades
Wrestling Buddies
Sports Music Videos

JSF Weekly is written by Josh Bacott. His Wrestling Buddy wears white tights. E-mail him at josh@joesportsfan.com