Raise your hand if you think Monday Night Football on ESPN needs fixing.  (Good.)  And raise your hand if you think the best and most efficient way to remedy the broadcast is by axing sideline reporters Michelle Tafoya and Suzy Kolber.  (You’re not raising your hand any more – and good thing, you have massive pit stains, slob.)

Apparently the folks at the WorldWide Leader don’t have a real grasp of why some in the viewing public feel the MNF telecasts don’t measure up to the standards one would expect from a leader in sports production (shocking, we know).  Instead of looking directly at the network’s prodigal son, Tony Kornheiser, ESPN has deemed the sideline tandem expendable.

We’re not huge advocates of sideline reporting, nor do we think any particular game needs one reporter for each team (we also don’t think it’s necessary for Kolber to reach high excitement levels to report that Jonathan Ogden ate a Hot Pocket for lunch.)  But it’s a bit odd that of all the things ESPN could do to improve Monday Night Football, minimizing Tafoya and Kolber ranked ahead of Tony Kornheiser, in-booth interviews with celebrities and studio analysis from Emmitt Smith.  

Sure, CBS did away with sideline reporting a few years ago and some would argue the broadcasts are better for it, so maybe ESPN is continuing the trend.  But if they really want to give the fans something to enjoy, why not start by cutting ties with the guy who constantly talks about being bored, wanting to go to bed before the game is over and the fact that “no one knows who these guys are”.

At least our interviews with Christian Slater weren’t taken away. 

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
“We love the great specimens.  We want them all to have great days here.  We want the decision to be made as to who is the best, not who has a bad day.  We want them all to have a great time here and showoff our great sport and show off the great dogs.”– Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show analyst, David Frei

No snarky comment.  That quote just makes us laugh.
 
”(The fans) are making just as much noise from the blue seats here (at Madison Square Garden) as they are during any hockey or basketball game, I’ll guarantee that.”– David Frei

Before you shake your head, keep in mind that the Knicks play at the same arena.
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“Welcome everybody to Big Monday, presented by Bud Light, a part of Rivalry Week presented by Cisco.”– Sean McDonough
 
From the Verizon Center in Washington D.C. no less.
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“We’ve got a little greasy one here and we’ve got an impossible pin, what are we going to do here?  What’s (Vijay Singh) whacking here?”– Gary McCord
 
Whatever he’s whacking, we hope he used enough grease.
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“The only booth guest who drew positive mail last season was Deanna Favre. She kept her eyes glued on the field, on her husband, Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre, even, she said, after the ball left his hands, because there was still a risk of injury. For a few minutes, we watched a spot on the field through her eyes, riveted to the game by a guest.”– Le Anne Schreiber, ESPN Ombudswoman

Of all the in-booth guests this past season, Deanna Favre probably made the most sense (even though it sickens us to say that), but to say viewers were “riveted” by her presence is a bit of a stretch.
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''I was personally and professionally offended by (Dana Jacobsen’s) comments.  If the situation were reversed, I would have been the lead story on 'SportsCenter,' and I would have been fired. Other than that, the university has issued an official response, and I'll leave it at that.''– Charlie Weis

Let the record show that if Charlie Weis got liquored up and yelled “F**k Notre Dame”, we’d be clamoring for a best of Charlie Weis DVD.  

Report: Tiki Barber’s Head Found in Tiki Barber’s Rectum
You knew it was coming.  Tiki Barber is not only proud of the Giants for winning Super Bowl XLII, he’s pretty sure he played a role in it:

“I feel great joy for them because I know in a lot of ways I helped a lot of guys on that team. I know Brandon (Jacobs) was someone who benefited from me being there; even criticizing someone is a way of getting them to think about themselves… In this case, (my public criticism) made Eli stand up and I guess become aware.”

Barber was answering questions for a pre-written column, so it’s not like he just made them off the cuff.  But it’s interesting that Tiki is so sure about his positive impact because when the Giants were 0-2 and had given up 80 points through 2 weeks, Barber wasn’t responsible for any of that.  Nope; not at all.  But since the Giants won the Super Bowl, yeah, Tiki did great things for the team.  Sure. 

And about those teammates?

“Those are my guys.  I went down on the field after the game, and there wasn’t one guy who didn’t come up and give me a big hug and say, ‘God, I wish you were still here.’ There wasn’t one guy.  … I feel a lot of joy for them, I really do.”

We’re wondering how many players Tiki actually approached, considering one anonymous Giants player was sure New York wouldn’t have made it to the Super Bowl with Tiki still on the team. 

NBC Sports Has Officially Fallen off the Sports Rocker
If they hadn’t already, that is.  With American Gladiators filling a primetime slot on Monday nights, the network is going to branch out even further to a far more obscure sports show. 

Think of it like a simple math formula: American Idol + Washed Up Rock Stars + Curling = Ratings Bonanza!

NBC is toying with the notion of airing 10 reality show episodes for curling, with the winner earning a shot to participate in the 2010 Winter Olympics.  And just which rock stars are being courted for involvement on the show?  Why, Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen of course.  

One aspect that would make this a draw to the button for NBC is a plan to land closet curlers Bruce Springsteen or Jon Bon Jovi as part of the show, assuming the rockers aren't worried what being connected to a sport with brooms might do to their images…  According to sources, the two rock stars are among a group of entertainment types who rent arena time on occasion to pick up brooms instead of guitars.

So the network that resurrected American Gladiators in serious fashion is under the belief that Bon Jovi hosting a reality curling show could be a big hit with sports fans?  That sounds about right.  (Trust us, Bon Jovi isn’t turning down that gig.  We’re just waiting for Aerosmith to get their invite.)  

And some people wonder why we insist this column writes itself every week.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
If you take something as wholesome as the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and place it on prime time with a play-by-play guy who is famous for being a network morning show host (where cheesy-ness is encouraged), you’ve got a once-in-a-year opportunity for a snappy line.  

We have no doubt that on Tuesday night at 7:00 CST, Bob and the family were set up in front of the TV with a fresh batch of popcorn and a belly full of anticipation.  NBC’s Lester Holt served as the primary announcer for the event and he didn’t make Bobber wait long before he laid a snapper on him: 

“Yet everyone is putting on the dog tonight, getting spruced up because they know, paws down, this is the place to be.” 

Nothing beats dogs, popcorn and snappy lines.  Paradise, USA. 

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig.  They're pissed that Brian Griffin wasn't featured on the dog show.  Email them at info@joesportsfan.com