Date: Happy birthday to Tito Navarro, who played 12 career games for the Mets – all of them in 1993.  With a name like Tito, he has to be good.
Re: I’m thinking Damien the python would have played better than Jake Plummer on Sunday.

Memo to Jake Plummer: You should fear the DDT
After sitting through three hours of Jake Plummer futility on Sunday, I began to think that the Snake may have fared better; you know, the alcoholic-crack-addict wrestler.  Surely that Jake could do better than 13-16 26, 138 yards, 0 touchdowns, 3 interceptions, 4 sacks all for a not-so-salty quarterback rating of 26.3.  Not to overreact like a true member of the media would (yikes!), but Plummer has 2 TDs, 6 interceptions, and a 57% completion rate in his last three starts.  Has he regressed to the old Jake Plummer?  The only way to find out if the crack-addict alcoholic wrestler would be a better option than the “Belli-ache” (thanks, Skip Bayless), is to forecast a one on one confrontation. 

Let’s go to the tale of the tape.

Jake Plummer
Height: 6’2”
Weight: 212
Age: 31 (advantage Plummer)
Origin of Nickname: Jake ‘the Snake’ Roberts
Professional Debut: 1997 (advantage Plummer)
Understudies: Bradley Van Pelt, Jay Cutler, Stoney Case
Mobility: Above average (advantage Plummer)
Notable Hair Feature(s): Wispy-porn, greasy mop-head (even)
Championships: None – lost in 2005 AFC championship to Super Bowl champs (advantage Plummer)
Other Career Highlights: Won 1998 playoff game with the Arizona Cardinals on the road in Dallas; threw for 465 yards as in regular season contest vs. the Cowboys.  Holds record for longest run by Bronco quarterback.
Preferred Method of vomit-inducing: Forcing the ball into double and triple coverage rendering Broncos fans nauseous

Jake Roberts
Height: 6’4” (advantage Roberts)
Weight: 260 (advantage Roberts)
Age: 51
Origin of nickname: “The Snake” Kenny Stabler (advantage Roberts… it would figure Plummer would not be named after a football player)
Professional Debut: 1975
Understudies: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Raven, Diamond Dallas Page (advantage Roberts)
Mobility: Deceptive (watch out for the duck and short clothesline)
Notable Hair Feature(s): Greasy Mullet, Wand-stache (even)
Championships: NWA TV Champion, won DQ victory over Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase at WrestleMania VI with Dibiase’s “Million Dollar Belt” on the line.  As WWF announcer Gorilla Monsoon was quick to point out, a title can only change hands on a pinfall or submission.
Other Career Highlights: Feuded with Ravishing Rick Rude after Rude imprinted images of Roberts’ real life wife Cheryl on the back of his Spandex tights.  Poisoned Macho Man Randy Savage with an “un-named” cobra.  Defeated Ric Martel in a blindfold match after Martel temporarily blinded Roberts with his “Arrogance” perfume. (advantage Roberts)
Preferred Method of vomit-inducing: Knocking opponent unconscious and laying his pet python, Damien, on said opponent, causing the opponent to suffocate and spew a white saliva-like film (as seen in George Wells and the Ultimate Warrior). (advantage Roberts)

Final Tally:
Roberts 6, Plummer 4.  I’d prefer to see Roberts DDT Gunther Cunningham this weekend – and Herm Edwards, just for good measure.