"Not sure if you saw me on Best Damn Sports Show Period last week, but I was there. I think right now, John Sally is one of the best, IF NOT THE BEST alternative sports talk show co-hosts going. I still think Rob Dibble is the most valuable, though." - Sean Salisbury

Experts agree: Aaron Rodgers has some Scott Hunter in him

With 328 yards passing and three touchdowns, Rodgers improved his season totals to 42 of 60 for 506 yards and four touchdowns. He also has 12 rushes for 60 yards and a score. He's 2-0 as a starter, and the first Packers quarterback to begin his starting career at 2-0 since Scott Hunter in 1971. Scott was the successor to the legendary Bart Starr and thankfully did not name any of his children Stuart. For obvious reasons, I hope Rodgers' success continues. He has some Scott Hunter in him and that can only lead to more big things down the road. All four of Aaron's touchdown passes this year have been Hunter-like throws, Hunter-esque, if you will.

While Aaron Rodgers has some Scott Hunter in him, he also has a little bit of Adam Wainwright and Joe Mather in him as well.



The team Rodgers tore apart has the worst defense this side of St. Louis. The Lions have been out-rushed 441-111 and have been out-attempted in rushes 72-33. On average, opponents gain six yards every time they run the ball. That damn Mike Martz and  his hatred for the running game. Detroit has also yielded eight sacks and allowed 12 3rd down conversions in 25 attempts.

Desperate Eli Manning makes left-handed throw, looks "special"

That St. Louis team fell to 0-2 on the season and 7-22 in their last 29 under Scott Linehan. The good news for St. Louis is that Josh Brown connected on a 54 yard field goal -- two of them, in fact.



That's right Scooter. Three points are better than two, and definitely better than one. Without question, three is better than zero. 

Anyway, the Rams have been outscored 79-16, out-gained 963-367 and the defense allows 7.4 yards PER PLAY. I JUST WROTE IN CAPS TO ADD EMPHASIS. THAT MEANS TEAMS, ON AVERAGE, GET A FIRST DOWN EVERY TWO PLAYS. STILL WRITING IN CAPS BECAUSE THAT IS AN EMPHATIC STATISTIC. (Note: later today Josh Bacott will continue the very neat trend of describing what it's like to be a fan of the worst team in the world.)

As for the Giants, they've won 12 straight games on the road, including the Super Bowl. At one point Sunday, Elisha Manning was in the grasp of a Rams player and was forced to throw a completion left-handed. Joe Buck was quick to point out that it was a "Favre-esque" throw and the highlight shows repeated as much. Essentially, if you throw the ball and look retarded, you look like Brett Favre.

Marc Bulger promises to see out of helmet in Week 3

 

Intelligent Panthers realize DeAngelo Williams sucks, change it up a little

In a day filled with comebacks, Carolina rebounded from a 17-3 third quarter deficit after giving the ball to rookie Jonathan Stewart 13 times in the 2nd half. Stewart finished with 77 yards and two touchdowns on 14 carries, while Williams had less than half that on 11 rushes. Stewart only The Panthers are 2-0 for the first time since 2003, the year they went to the Super Bowl.

After the game, an ecstatic Jake Delhomme voiced his pleasure about the return of Steve Smith for Week 3, "I'm excited to have our rocket back!" The funny thing is, Delhomme had just removed his jock in the locker room and was holding his penis in his hand.

The non-Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, had a Bears quarterback syndrome lapse when he was called for intentional grounding in the 4th quarter and constantly overthrew open receivers. It was vintage Grossman, Jim Miller, Cade McNown, Craig Krenzel, Mike Tomczak, Steve Walsh, Henry Burris, Kordell Stewart, Rick Mirer, Moses Moreno and Shane Matthews.

Titans flawlessly execute ceremonial ass-sniffing ritual



Super-intelligent Raiders realize Darren McFadden is real good

Had it not been for an injury to the normally solid Justin Fargas, the Raiders wouldn't have gotten 164 yards and a touchdown from Darren McFadden. Not to be forgotten was Michael Bush's 90 yards and a touchdown, which helped the Raiders to 300+ yards rushing. Kansas City has lost 11 games in a row and is 0-2 for the third straight season under Herm Edwards. They also had three pass attempts from wide receiver Marques Hagans, who was cut by the Rams at the end of preseason. Jesus, the Chiefs are terrible. 

In response to the rift between Raiders defensive coordinator Rob Ryan and head coach Lane Kiffin, the Monday Football Column has obtained a written transcript of the conversation between the two following Sunday's victory:

"F**k you, Lane."

Coked-up Nick Saban found wondering on Redskins sideline



Gunsling too much for Laveraneus Coles in Jets loss

Through two games, Coles has four catches for 77 yards. I think part of the problem is that he's not accustomed to Favre gunslings after spending years catching soggy Chad Pennington throws. This theory was put on display during the Jets' opening drive when Coles let a first down catch slip right through his hands. Going from Pennington to Favre is akin to Jason Varitek catching Tim Wakefield and then Josh Beckett ... ... ...

Inner monologue: I wish people would compare online writers with other online writers, just as the media does for the athletes they cover. If that happened, we'd all agree that the previous paragraph was a "King-like" synopsis and "Peter King-esque".

Seahawks play very little Seafence in loss to 49ers

The upset special of Sunday was the 49ers overtime victory in Seattle, where the Seahawks normally dominate. JT O'Sullivan had the first 300 yard passing day for San Francisco since Tim Rattay in 2004 and Isaac Bruce had the first 100 yard receiving day since Antonio Bryant in Week 2 of 2006. The victory had Martzian imprints throughout and not just the positives: O'Sullivan was sacked eight times. Sometimes I think Mike Martz is so hard on quarterbacks and leaves them out to dry because he never succeeded as one in high school and college. Unfortunately for Seattle, they didn't "get the ball and score" in overtime.

Hey, you, you remember that? You remember the time Matt Hasselbeck said that in the playoff game and they, and they lost. That was, that was awesome.

Norv Turner vows to egg Ed Hochuli's house; not intimidated by muscles

The bush-league moment of Sunday occurred twice over in Denver. First, Chris Chambers had the ball stripped by Champ Bailey in the opening quarter, even though replays showed Chambers' elbow was clearly down. The replay booth was "malfunctioning" at the time, so the call couldn't be overturned. In the final minute of the game, Jay Cutler fumbled the ball in what was originally ruled an incomplete pass. Replays showed Susan Sarandon's husband Tim Dobbins recovered the fumble, but because Ed Hochuli blew the whistle, the Broncos retained possession.

What, I ask, is the point of instant replay of you can't overturn a blown whistle? Isn't that the point of instant replay? Norv Turner does not approve, "It was clearly a fumble. Ed came over, the official, and said he blew it. And that's not acceptable to me. This is a high-level performance game and that's not acceptable to have a game decided on that play."

Two plays later, Cutler threw a touchdown pass to Eddie Royal and converted a two point conversion for the win. The tan one gambled and it paid off. Said he, "Sometimes you have to go with your gut. I just felt like it was a chance for us to put them away. I didn't want to count on the coin flip. I wanted to do it then, and obviously it worked out."

Translation: "Our defense played like crap and I knew we had no right to win that game anyway. Ed Hochuli gave us that game. It's clear he's intimidated by the artificial bronze radiating from my insides."

Despondent Romeo Crennel tears ACL and MCL just to fit in

At 0-2, the Browns have played below expectations and Clevelanders are starting to worry that 2007 was a fluke. I don't think to be the case because Cleveland's defense was pretty bad last season the team didn't make the playoffs. The offense will surely improve with time, but I wouldn't count on a playoff appearance in '08.

That said, I think Romeo Crennel needs to stop being a pansy and let one of his players hit him in the knee. Tom Brady tears his ACL and MCL and what happens? The Patriots go 2-0. Charlie Weis tears his ACL and MCL and what happens? Notre Dame destroys Michigan and improves to 2-0. Romeo Crennel has two healthy knees and what do you know, the Browns are 0-2.

I realize there aren't too many things healthy about Romeo, but he needs to sack up and quit being a ninny-poo. If nobody wants to injure you, may I suggest fasting for three days. Your leg will be jacked in no time.



The Monday Football Column is written by Patrick Imig. He had no idea Crennel's leg was white. Email him at patrick@joesportsfan.com