Note: we hope you're enjoying your holiday extravaganza.  The JSF crew will be back Thursday with updated content.  For now, enjoy a piece of 2006... IT'S THE 2006 MEDIA CIRCUS END OF THE YEAR CRAPTACULAR!  (cue johnny carson theme music).   After some internal conversation, we decided to hold off and will have the 2007 version next week.

Needless to say, it’s been a bountiful year for those of us in the business of tracking and mocking the national media.  Thanks to the hard work and daily contributions of our loyal band of TV talking heads and their print counterparts, The Media Circus has regularly been forced to turn idiotic comments away because there were just too many to choose from. 

Even despite the weekly antics documented on these pages, never does the continued ineptitude of the national and local sports media come into focus moreso than when it’s all piled together for the yearly “Best of The Media Circus: 2006”. 

We know what you’re thinking – how could a column that dogs the media for everything they do run a cheesy “Best of 2006” piece that is right out of the “Best Damn Sports Show” handbook?  Your thoughts are noted.  But there’s just too much crap for it to be ignored. 

Just be thankful we didn’t hire Chris Rose to host it…


Crap that actually came out of somebody’s mouth: Brett Favre Edition
Rather than rehash all 3,579 “we love Brett Favre” comments, we’ll spare you and simply pick out one that we feel best summarizes the bizarre love affair between Favre and the media members who cover him. It came during a time when Favre was waffling over his retirement prior to the start of the 2006 season. 
 
We’re going to have to send Brett a memo: You cannot retire.  You are still too good and too important to this league.” – Mike Patrick
 
“You are not allowed to go away yet.  We want you.  We need you.” – Joe Theismann

After another year of Favre love, we’re confident that if VH1 ever optioned a reality show where football analysts take part in physical competitions for the affection of Favre, there would be multiple deaths involved. 

Sean Salisbury’s MVP Race
It started in June and has continued through his latest update this Christmas - Sean Salisbury is absolutely obsessed with picking an MVP this year. 

According to our detailed notes, Salisbury’s rants on the MVP have resulted in the following statistics…

Number of Players he has mentioned as possible MVP candidates:  9 (Larry Johnson Tom Brady, Donovan McNabb, Rex Grossman, Peyton Manning, Michael Vick, Steve Smith, Drew Brees, LaDainian Tomlinson)

Candidates for “Defensive MVP”, an award that doesn’t exist: 3 (Jason Taylor, Tommy Harris, Brian Urlacher)

Number of quotes we documented where Salisbury mentions someone winning the MVP: 17

Chances of Salisbury acting as if he predicted the MVP when it finally gets announced: 100%
 
General Headshakers
 
“It’s a 3 to 4 point game.” – Sean Salisbury, in July, on Super Bowl XLI  
 
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“Jay Cutler is the top quarterback because the fact that he is the best football player…And what do I mean by that?  Football players know each other.  All the people, the GM’s and everybody can talk about how he can throw and what he can do.  Football player understand that he is a guy who can be tough and versatile and can make every throw on the field…More than any other player on the board, Jay Cutler is going to come in and be a football player and a great quarterback.” – Steve Young 
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“(The Dolphins are) a little bit like the Dallas Cowboys were built in their heyday. I don’t want to make these guys into Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin – but they’re trying to be like that with the receiver, quarterback and tailback in place.” – Steve Mariucci, NFL Network

Those Cowboys of the 90’s really broke some ground when they employed that wildly creative strategy of having a good quarterback, receiver and tailback.  
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“The media would have made sure that the general public knew who Joey Porter was. We would have labeled him ‘that Beast,’ the highest compliment anyone can give a professional athlete today.” – Scoop Jackson, ESPN.com on Steeler’s linebacker Joey Porter
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“You talk about offensive rookie of the year being Laurence Maroney, the defensive rookie of the year obviously I think is Bart Scott.” – Tom Jackson, ESPN

(Uh, Tom, Bart Scott has been in the league for five (5) years)
 
The Utterly Stupid Quote and its Sidekick, the Knee Jerk Reaction
“Within a yard…of a Super Bowl championship.” – Michael Wilbon describing Steve McNair’s impact on the Tennessee Titans franchise.

No current myth forces us into action quicker than when someone in the media claims that the Titans were a yard away from a Super Bowl championship.  In reality, they were a yard away from being an extra point away from being tied in the Super Bowl.  
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"If the Seattle Seahawks make the playoffs, that could be the play of the year…This one maybe saved Seattle's season" – Sterling Sharpe on a reception during Seattle’s Week 1 victory.  
 
Calling a first down reception in the first game of the year a play that “saved” the season is quite a stretch even for this bunch.
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"They have not proven since losing Edgerrin James that they can run the ball." – John Madden, NBC

Maybe a bit harsh from Madden considering he made the comment 2 1/2 minutes into the second quarter of the season opener.  That means Joseph Addai and Dominic Rhodes had approximately 15 minutes to establish the run in Madden’s eyes…and they failed.  
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“All those Chiefs fans who ripped me to shreds this spring when I wrote that Steven Jackson would lead the league in rushing, what do you think now? The Chiefs fans insisted Larry Johnson would be the rushing champ. Jackson ran for 121 yards against the Broncos, while Johnson had 68 against the Bengals.”  – Pete Prisco, sportsline.com

Allow us to speak for Chiefs fans – Larry Johnson has more rushing yards than Steven Jackson through 15 games.  Probably not wise to gloat after one week, Pete.
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“Best third-round pick in the league this year: Falcons running back Jerious Norwood.” – Peter King, SI.com after Week 2
 
Some analysts say it takes up to three years to truly evaluate an NFL draft. Peter King thinks two weeks is plenty. 
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“I think Shawne Merriman must be an idiot to think you can use performance-enhancing stuff and get away with it.” – Peter King, SI.com

Because clearly that would be naïve, right? Nobody in the NFL gets away with performance-enhancing drugs.
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”This is a home game.  This is where you finally get to play at home.” – Joe Theismann

Don’t ever try to convince us that Joey T. doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
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“This is the best coaching job he's (Parcells)  ever done... they had better players in New York" - Sean Salisbury after the Cowboys improved to 8-4 at the time.

8-4 is apparently better than two Super Bowl championships in Sean’s opinion.
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Grossman and Romo-Mania
RISE
“I think, at some point right before training camp, Rex Grossman had an arm transplant from Dan Fouts.” – Peter King after Week 2

“The Bears have a legitimate top-level quarterback in Rex Grossman” – Vic Carruci, 10/1 

“Rex Grossman really impressed me.  Grossman played with confidence.” – Shannon Sharpe 9/24

AND FALL
”Until Rex Grossman learns to take care of the ball, this is not a Super Bowl team.” - Peter King, 11/6 

“Maybe Rex Grossman's Monday night nightmare against Arizona wasn't such an aberration after all.” – Vic Carucci, NFL.com, 11/6 

“With all due respect to Grossman, he hasn't been in many situations where he had to right the ship mid-game.  He has not built up the mental toughness yet to overcome adversity.” – Shannon Sharpe, 11/5
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RISE
“I think (Tony Romo’s) the best (quarterback) in the NFC” – Joe Theismann 

“Any game that Tony Romo's in, Dallas has a chance.” – Peter King 

“All (Tony Romo) does is win.”  - Sean Salisbury 

AND FALL
“(Tony Romo) has only started 9 games so let’s cut him some slack and stop calling him Roger Staubach.” – Sean Salisbury, 12-26

”Three weeks ago Bill Parcells was a genius and Tony Romo was Roger Staubach.” – Jeremy Schaap 12-26

“We had (Tony Romo’s) bust in the Hall of Fame… HELLO?” – Mike Golic 12-26

Note to Vince Young and Jay Cutler: you’re next.

Jay Bilas & Friends Talking Basketball
“I don’t think that the players in this game, are ever going to play in a bigger game than Duke – North Carolina.  There may be games with more on the line, such as the Final 4 or the National Championship…you are judged as a player by how you play in this rivalry.” – Jay Bilas insinuating that a Duke-North Carolina game is “bigger” than the National Championship for the players. 
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“Throw out the RPI, that doesn’t mean anything to me. Look at the RPI Top 50 wins.” – Jay Bilas, comparing the tournament resumes of Bradley and Seton Hall

To clarify: RPI means nothing, but the record versus the teams who have high RPI’s is extremely important.  Makes perfect sense.
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“You also have to watch out for Wichita State and Seton Hall.  If Seton Hall were to beat Wichita State, that would be a seed upset." - Jay Bilas on the 2006 Tournament game between #10 seed Seton Hall and #7 seed Wichita St.

That was the latest lesson in Jay Bilas’ class entitled “7 is a lower number than 10”. 
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"Minneapolis is the nightmare region of this year's NCAA Tournament…Villanova goes into the tournament with some uncertainty…Nevada (is) a very dangerous team…and Boston College (is) a real threat to reach the Final Four because they're an angry team…down at the bottom of the bracket, teams like Oklahoma, Ohio State, and Florida (are) more than capable of reaching the Final Four…but you've got to watch out for the upset minded teams: teams like Wisconsin Milwaukee (and) Northern Iowa – a Giant Killer…and I'll give you a sleeper, Georgetown a sleeper to reach the Elite Eight and possibly the Final Four." – Jay Bilas during one segment on the Sunday Sportscenter

For those keeping score, in the Minneapolis region Bilas wanted to keep an eye on the following teams – Villanova, Nevada, Boston College, Oklahoma, Ohio State, Florida, Wisconsin-Milwaukee, Northern Iowa and Georgetown.  In other words, pretty much everyone. 
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“Maybe (LeBron James is) just a second tier player who will be a star, and not a superstar.” – BJ Armstrong, ESPN

And maybe that is why BJ Armstrong is no longer employed by ESPN.

Don’t Forget About the National Pastime
Yahoo sports analyst and Hall of Famer Tony Gywnn stood up and proved that he will fit in perfectly in the sports media industry with his assessment of the Cubs prior to the 2006 season (in which they finished dead last in the NL). 

”I’m gonna say the Chicago Cubs (to win the NL).  I think Prior and Wood make that big a difference playing at Wrigley Field every day.”

Hook.

“I just think if they can get those two guys back with the type offense they have and the kind of defense they play, this is a team that can get to the World Series.”

Line.

“I took the Cubs because of Prior and Wood…the key again lies in Prior and Wood’s pitching.”

And sinker.
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“I know the games have been going on for nearly a month, but just as the golf season doesn’t really begin until the Masters, the baseball season doesn’t really begin until the Yankees and Red Sox get together.” – Mike Celizic, msnbc.com 
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“Memo to all the baseball players who voted in the Sports Illustrated poll of players and said Derek Jeter is baseball's most overrated player: You've gotta be kidding.” – Peter King, SI.com

If we were to rank the people who are qualified to determine whether a baseball player is overrated, we’re going to put baseball players right at the top of the list. About 750,000 spots down on that list is Peter King, football writer for SI.com. 
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“Imagine how great the World Series would be if it were played in Miami or San Diego every year….You have the great tradition of St. Louis and a nice-sized media market in Detroit. Yet the ratings are swooning and creaking under the strain of a World Series affected by cold weather in both cities.”  – Mike Freeman, sportsline.com

Yes, imagine how awesome it would be to see your home town team play up to seven games in the World Series that is being attended by 15,000 people who absolutely couldn’t care less who wins.  Awesome scenario.   And call us crazy, but we don’t think the fact that it was cold in the cities affected the TV ratings, since people are… watching from their TV. 
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“And with Roger Clemens out indefinitely, the door is open in the NL for a different Cy Young winner.” – Karl Ravech  (Speaking before the 2006 season, even though Roger Clemens didn’t win the 2005 Cy Young)
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“Defense in close games doesn’t hurt you, it hurts you in a boring game when you’re getting beat 10-2.” – Harold Reynolds
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“A simple delay really doesn't matter because this NLCS, when you get right down to it, is a sideshow anyway. Everyone knows that these two teams are playing for second place in this postseason.” – John Donovan, SI.com (who was incorrect in predicting every postseason series with the exception of the Met – Dodgers in the NLDS)
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“The Detroit Tigers are going to be the world champions. That should be obvious to anyone who has been paying even cursory attention to the baseball postseason. They are, for lack of a less fatigued sports cliche, the team of destiny” – Peter Schmuck, Baltimore Sun

Sexual, Perverse and Completely Unnecessary
“(Team USA) needs guys like Gilbert Arenas, who basically told Krzyzewski that he would crawl naked on his belly over three miles of broken glass in three inches of sulfuric acid to win back the gold medal.” – Mike Celizic, msnbc.com
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”Sexual harassment in the workplace is a serious issue. But sexual innuendo and wordplay – I believe it used to be called flirting – isn’t going away. I hope I’m not the only one who doesn’t want it to.” – Mike Celizic
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"I'm not a big Gay guy" - Rick Majerus explaining he’s not impressed by Rudy Gay
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"(Dywane Wade) just has a beautiful body... a Michaelangelo sculpture from a dream" - Bill Walton
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“All the Team USA pitchers — and pitching coach Marcel Lachemann — were in awe of Roger Clemens. But one thing they weren’t ready for was Clemens taking that Icy Hot that pitchers rub on their shoulders and arms and spreading it over his upper thighs and private parts” – Peter Gammons
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And finally, in case you were interested in a recap of a media member’s colonoscopy, regular contributor Peter King wasn’t about to leave you hanging. 
 
“I was scheduled for a colonoscopy on Thursday in West Paterson, N.J. If you've had one, or if you've had any intestinal procedure, you know that the day before such an internal snaking you've got to be, well, cleaned out. One problem for me: On Wednesday, I was covering the Vince Young workout in Austin. My cleanout was due to begin at 1 p.m. My flight was due to leave Austin three hours later, and I was scheduled to get home by 8. In other words, I was not going to have the home-bathroom advantage for a good portion of the internal preparation.” 

Imagine what another 365 days will produce.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig.  They swear this stuff is real - all of it, even the part about Peter King pooping and Peter Gammons discussing Roger Clemens' junk.  Email them at info@joesportsfan.com