"This football column will live forever."

No championship event is more anticlimactic than the Super Bowl.  After 20 weeks of football, two weeks of hype and 60 minutes of a championship game, the clock hits zero and one team celebrates. 

Yay!  The Colts just won. 

Now, let’s watch all their players walk through a maze of reporters, cameramen, and oversized microphones that resemble infomercial-type dusters (for the really hard to reach places) just to see the other side of the field and shake hands with the team they just whipped.  Awesome. 

The only way a Super Bowl ending doesn’t suck is if it comes down to the last play.  Even when fans are fortunate enough to witness that kind of ending, the flood of press people still overwhelms the field.  The Super Bowl celebration is like attending your graduation ceremony.  The feeling of finishing your last test, running off campus, and getting so drunk and high (I mean, er, what?) is much better than the formality of receiving your fake diploma at the ceremony.

Okay, I have no idea how that is comparable to the Super Bowl celebration (both anticlimactic perhaps?).  What I do know is that the World Series, NBA Championship, and Stanley Cup are sooo much waaaay cooler.  

<1> In much the same way the NFL awarded the Giants an extra home game in 2005 when the Saints were nomads, the league pretty much shafted the Bears by giving the Colts the home field edge in Super Bowl XLI.  Sure the game was played outdoors in Miami, but that didn’t stop the league from giving it an Indianapolis feel.  Clearly the RCA Dome’s sound and tech guy was in control of filtering in crowd noise to make Dolphins Stadium seem loud; otherwise, there wouldn’t have been any cheering or positive reaction during the psychedelic pre-game show from Circue du Soleil.  Although, the referee riding a multi-colored fluorescent ostrich was a nice touch.

<2> For all the talk about Patriots coach Bill Belichick being an arrogant heartless son of a batch of cookies, it is a bit ironic he has "classy gentlemen” and “great leaders regardless of skin color” copying him.  Just as the Patriots did at Super Bowl XXVI (and the following years, of course), the Colts and Bears ran out of the tunnel for pre-game introductions as a team rather than as individuals.   Since Belichick has been such an innovative tactician and head coach this decade and everyone else seems to follow his lead, I’m hoping the Patriots make it to Super Bowl XLII.  When they're announced during introductions, Belichick should have them enter the field riding multi-colored fluorescent ostriches while wearing zebra costumes. 

Put Belichick on an elephant with royal purple bunting covering its body and you have the makings for pre-game entertainment for Super Bowls to come.

<3> Interesting to see Cato June flex his muscles during CBS’ introduction for the Colts defense in the opening minutes of the 1st quarter.  It stood out because the rest of the starting Colts defenders did nothing of the sort, instead crossing their arms like tough guys.  I guess I found it odd because if any defensive player on either team was a lock to show his guns during the intro spot, it would have been Tank Johnson (hey-ohh).

Speaking of Tank, you’d think the guy wouldn’t have the full name “Tank Johnson” on the back of his jersey after all he’s been through.  It's incriminating to a certain degree.  It's kind of like Chris Henry inscribing “Dope Henry” on the back of his jersey or Shawne Merriman opting for “’Proven Cheater Who Got a Pro Bowl Spot and Nearly Won Defensive Player of the Year Merriman”.

<4> Tony Dungy’s questionable challenge that the Bears had too many men on the field drew some relevant criticism from well, I don’t know who, but I thought it was stupid (and you did too, remember?).  That’s right; we all thought it was a stupid meaningless challenge.  In reality, it was history-making as it represented the first time an African American head coach imitated Mike Martz in the Super Bowl.  Congrats, Tony!

For he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellllllllooooowwwwww, which nobody can deny!  Here Here for Tony Dungy!
 
<5> Adam Vinatieri so totally put a nice size dent in his clutch armor on Sunday.  His field goal percentage was a mediocre 75%, he failed to kick an extra point in the first half, and when the Bears ran into him after a field goal, he failed to draw a personal foul and automatic first down.  Basically, he risked getting hurt with ZERO benefit.  And his counterpart across the field, Robbie Gould didn’t miss any field goal attempts and has a career field goal percentage of 100 in the Super Bowl.  Vinatieri has missed 3 career field goals in the Super Bowl and has a sub-par percentage of 70.  Clutch kicker my a--.

<6> Super Bowl XLI was indeed a history making event, a monumental game of slop and shoddy play along with the first African American head coach taking home the Lombardi Trophy.  That’s all well and good, but let’s not forget about another historical achievement: NFL referees Perry and Carl Paganelli becoming the first brother tandem to officiate the Super Bowl together.  Much like the media's exaggeration of “what black coaches in the Super Bowl means”, we hope the Paganelli effect will reach out to those young siblings who dare to dream… dare to dream that one day, perhaps brother and brother can officiate the Super Bowl. 

Uh huh.

(Oh, and note to people like Chris Berman, most children - white, black, or otherwise - don’t dream of "one day being a coach".  Usually it’s the players they aspire to be, or baseball players or firemen, so you can toss the “dream to be a head coach" garbage down your piehole and stop romanticizing everything.  Also, you are a disgusting sweaty hog.)

<7> In the event you didn’t read Josh Bacott’s Super Bowl Betting Card column on Thursday, here’s a refresher, “The NFL world might implode if golden boy Peyton Manning is knocked out early and America gets to see the immortal Jim Sorgi jog onto the field to finish the game… Sad thing is if it did play out that way and the Colts managed to win, they’d probably still find a way to give Manning the MVP.”

And there you have it folks, Peyton Manning is your Super Bowl XLI MVP.  Now, Bacott wasn’t exactly picking George Mason to reach the Final Four, but it seems to have been a foregone conclusion that Manning would take home the award if the Colts had won.  But did he really deserve it?  Dominic Rhodes and Joseph Addai certainly had a shot at it.  Rhodes rushed for 113 yards and 1 touchdown and added an 8 yard reception.  His partner Addai rushed 19 times for 77 yards, and hauled in 10 receptions for 66 yards, just 1 catch from Deion Branch’s record setting mark.  All told, Addai had 29 touches for 143 yards while Rhodes had 22 touches for 121 yards. 

Maybe Manning got a little favoritism from the MVP panel, no?

<8> On second thought, Manning definitely didn’t deserve to win the MVP.  He wasn’t the most valuable player for the Colts in the Super Bowl.  Period.  If anything, Rex Grossman – the same Rex Grossman whom Peter King proclaimed to have had an arm transplant from Dan Fouts after Week 2 – was the MVP for the Colts.  Between the 2 awful interceptions, the 2 fumbles, and the additional sack that was a result of dropping back in the pocket, I’d say Grossman was the unanimous choice for MVP.  He did all he could to ensure a Colts victory and did his part to cement the first ever NFL championship for a black head coach.

Countdown to Belichick in a Hawaiian shirt
Brothers and Sisters, the clock is ticking.  We are T minus 135 hours away from the homeless hoody making his world premiere in Hawaiian attire. 

Finally, we have a reason to watch the Pro Bowl.

Fantasy Football

Mobile JSF Interception
This is really unfortunate, and it kind of proves that I suck, but I think it’s noteworthy and needs to be out in the open.  After the post-game festivities in Miami, the Mobile JSF Team intercepted an email from Page 2’s Scoop Jackson.  Jackson was irate, and threatened to sue Roger Goodel and the National Football League. 

Subject: You are RACIST

Roger,

it figures that in the only Super Bowl featuring an African American head coach, the powers that be conspire against the black community.  Tony Dungy is not one hundred percent black.  He is an emotionless robot posing in a white/black mix of skin.  He’s not TRULY black, you know?  Not a brother.  And his players don’t even think he’s black, either.  Did you see the Gatorade bath?  The first attempt only got a little of Dungy, and the second Gatorade cooler went directly on a white assistant coach standing right next to Tony proving that even Dungy’s own players can’t tell him apart from a white man.     

Perhaps it would be prudent that the next time an African American head coach is in the Super Bowl, you don’t hand him a virgin referee.  The fact that Tony Corrente officiated his first Super Bowl is laughable at best.  Why wasn’t a veteran referee doing the game?  In fact, where the hell was Mike Carey?  You can’t have a black head coach at the Super Bowl with a white referee. 

Kanye, I’ve cc’d you.  Feel free to forward on to the Reverend. 

I'm calling my lawyer.

The Monday Football Column is written by Pat Imig.  He thinks Scoop Jackson writes like poo poo.  Email him @ patrick@joesportsfan.com