Even if the ole' alma mater is on the big screen, it just isn't the same anymore. At least, it shouldn't be. If you have a wife and kids, and are watching the game at home...but still paint your face, you may have some separation anxiety to confront.

With the right amount of Bud Ice and Popov Vodka, being a ridiculous fan in the collegiate atmosphere can certainly be enjoyable. For it's only when we're able to step away from this environment when the pure absurdity of the college fan is made abundantly clear. Let's take a look.

The attire worn by most college fans is a risky social decision. Wear a chicken suit to the game, and your team wins...a stroke of genius. Wear a chicken suit to the game, and your team loses...you look like a complete ass for the rest of the night. It's a dangerous call - one that doesn't stand a chance in the real world. Have a big presentation at work? If you go shirtless and wear an Indian headdress, you're going to look like a tool either way. In the collegiate atmosphere, however, you've got a 50/50 chance of looking like a hero in the face of ludicrousy. It's a slippery slope, and we take a look at some of the possible profits and pitfalls of the college fanatic.

Ridiculous College Bedroom Attire Guy

- If Team Wins: Turn on some Barry White, strip down to the official teamstore-issued silk boxers, rounding third by 1AM with that cutie from the Micro-Econ class.
- If Team Loses: Get rejected by girl down the hall, strip down to the offiical teamstore-issued silk boxers, get out Jergens at 9PM.

Self-Appointed Student Section Captain

- If Team Wins: Head to bar with rest of clan to down Jager-bombs and Red Bull and Vodkas. You heard they were cool.
- If Team Loses: Rest of clan goes home to cry. You'll look like a complete tool if you're out by yourself with a "E" painted on your chest,and you wouldn't want that.

Team Mascot

- If Team Wins: Sneak mascot head out of locker room, be the hit of the party when you stroll in circa 11PM.
- If Team Loses: Touching small children after a loss - outside the confines of a college venue - is really creepy.

Front Row Fan Whore

- If Team Wins: Shag with both starting point guard
- If Team Loses: Shag with freshman walk-on

Fan in Chicken Suit

- If Team Wins:
- If Team Loses:

To tell you the truth, we're not really sure what the chicken means or why it's ever cool.

Face Painter

- If Team Wins: Continue drinking binge, pass out on bed, and laugh about black and gold-stained pillow with frat buddies in the morning.
- If Team Loses: The pain of having to look yourself in the mirror before bed, as a cruel reminder of how pumped you were 2 hours before your team got pummeled.

Lead Trumpet Band Geek

- If Team Wins: Most chicks will be hammered by 10PM, and you have no problem convincing them that you play for the soccer team.
- If Team Loses: With the lack of booze floating around campus, you're just a dork with sore lips.

Man Cheerleader

- If Team Wins: Go home knowing you're a man cheerleader on a winning team
- If Team Loses: Go home knowing you're a man cheerleader

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