Memo to Peter King: Watch your Back, Buddy
… because Linda Cohn is coming hard for you.  Wait a minute… that… that didn’t sound right.  Anyway, “L.C.” has apparently had her office moved to the depths of the Bristol boiler room and her work can now be found on the dot com portion of the network' NHL section. 

Specifically, she’s writing about hockey, or is she? 

In a recent Penguins-related column, Cohn delved into Petey King’s MMQB pocket and unleashed the following, “It was a total surprise. Who would have thought I would meet Roger Daltrey's mother-in-law at the same coffee shop I visit every morning?  For you younger readers, Roger Daltrey is the lead singer of The Who.”

>>> Freeze Column <<<  

Right off the bat, we notice Cohn’s Peter King prose.  Not only is she going to the coffee shop, but she’s namedropping.  Although, to be fair, the mother-in-law of the lead singer of The Who isn’t exactly a name worth dropping.  Our question is, how the hell did Cohn know who she was?  Had they been friends previously?  Or is Cohn an omniscient junkie stoner who watches music DVDs to unwind at night?

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”Anyone familiar with The Who's history knows one of their biggest hits was "The Kids are Alright." Well, these kids in Pittsburgh are better than all right. And for those who predicted it was going to be a "teenage wasteland" in Steel Town, those same prognosticators should add "We Won't Get Fooled Again" to their iPods.”

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AHHHH!  Not only has she perfected the Petey, she’s going snappy on us a la Bob Carpenter.  Not once, not twice, but THREE times!  Plus, she’s going to an awful lot of trouble to be hip and cool, dropped contemporary references, a story about a coffee shop, and snappy lines -- a combination known to sports fans as part Peter King, Bob Carpenter, and Stuart Scott. 

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Cohn also describes the home and road record of the Penguins as “Jellin at the Mellon and beyond”

>>> ABORT, ABORT <<<

May god have mercy on us all.

(Note: Hat tip to Brad M. for the heads up... we think that deserves a hat tip)