To: Fans of sports, particularly college basketball
Re: Mike Krzyzewski has become unbearable – even more than the last time he was unbearable.

Memo to Mike Krzyzewski: I can’t take it anymore
I’d like to point out, Mike, that I’m not a big college basketball fan until the conference tournaments begin.  I certainly enjoy a good game like any other sports fan, but rarely will I go out of my way to watch a pre-March contest.  But even in the scarcity of my college basketball viewing, I’m particularly drawn to you, Mike.

If you’re on the tube roaming the sidelines, yapping in the officials’ ears, or cursing out a player, I’m glued to the television.  No matter the circumstances, if Mike Krzyzewski is coaching a team, I want that team to lose.  I will probably cheer for Lithuania if they’re facing a Krzyzewski-led Team USA in Beijing for the ’08 Olympic gold (AHHH Traitor!).

Where did it all this animosity start and where did it peak?

Maybe it seems worse now as a result of the fallout from the Henderson elbow last week, or the fact that beginning Thursday, our lives will be inundated with a flood of Krzyzewski television commercials.  Or maybe it’s the simple fact that you come off as a self-righteous pompous a—hole.  Perhaps it’s that you portray an image of something that you’re not.

Make no mistake about it; I don’t doubt you’re one of the best college basketball coaches that ever lived.  That’s all well and good.  And make no mistake about the fact that you being the patriarch of college basketball’s version of the New York Yankees or Dallas Cowboys makes you an easy target for even the most casual of observers.  But Mike, this isn’t about being the coach of the team that “always wins” or that “ESPN masturbates to”, it’s about you, Mike.

It’s about the hypocrisy of Krzyzewski (SCARY MUSIC HITS... DUH DUH DUH).

The Elbow
Claiming Gerald Henderson’s foul wasn’t intentional is absurd.  Henderson probably wasn’t trying to bloody Hansbrough’s nose, but he certainly intended to foul Hansbrough hard.  To think otherwise you’d have to be lying, an incompetent moron, or Billy Packer.  You went on to say that the incident was most unfortunate for Henderson because “he’s not that kind of a player… he’s an amazing kid”.



Call me crazy coach, but I’m going to say the elbow was most unfortunate for Hansbrough, since he’s now relegated to wearing a facemask and was bloodied like a stuck pig.  It’s one thing to defend your player, but when it comes at the expense of the truth, you need to be reminded you're acting like a needledick.

Please; spare us the martyr act.  As a grumpy columnist from sportsline proved, you’re also a liar.  Whatever happened to that Christian Laettner suspension when he blatantly stomped on Aminu Timberlake anyway?

Kicking the Dog – The Duke Chronicle
Way back when, you invited 10 members of the Duke Chronicle (the school’s student newspaper) to the team’s locker room for what they thought would be a meet and greet type session.

Instead, Lord Krzyzewski accused the Chronicle of coverage “that degrades my basketball team”.

According to managing editor Matthew Sclafani, you used profanity.  Added Sclafani, ''I don't think the way it was handled was very professional.  I think most of the things he said about his team being amateur equally apply to our reporters, and they are entitled to mistakes if they made mistakes.''

When questioned, you responded, ''To me, what I do with the students here in the university is a private matter, and it's something I won't comment on.'' Just imagine for a second (or minute or hour) if the coach involved with this was Bob Knight instead of Mike Krzyzewski.

Yes, it happened years ago, but why would you feel compelled to call the paper into question in the first place?  It would be one thing to approach the editor privately, but the whole team?  Sounds like bully-tactics.

Constant Whining
For a coach with so much success, you really do moan and complain a lot.  Last year at this time, you believed the media was conspiring AGAINST you.  Not for you, but against you.  You whined that Shelden Williams and your program as whole weren’t properly recognized for their achievements.

Yeah, sorry about that, Coach.  Sorry we didn’t verbally fellate you while Dick Vitale was on sabbatical.

"Wow, it's been sad.  And I think it's been orchestrated. I not only think - I know it has been.  I'm not going to have an inquiry here, but obviously (it's) whoever puts up the graphics, whoever puts up the footage...  I’m on to something here.   Is it for ratings? What is it for? Why do people do things?  Obviously to hang on to this for this long, somebody's getting something out of it. And it takes away from other things."

Coming from a man who bitched about his "Cameron Crazies" being moved back a few feet in the indoor stadium for safety reasons, and from a man who complained about North Carolina’s celebration after the 1998 ACC Tournament and who, that very same year, complained that his #1 seeded team got the shaft because they played the 1st and 2nd rounds of the NCAA Tourney in Kentucky, it’s obvious your belief that ESPN is biased against Duke is completely unfathomable/incomprehensible/big word that means retarded and I really don’t like you (and that this was a nice long run-on sentence).

Manipulating Referees
The art of referee manipulation has seemingly been perfected by you, Mr. Duke Leader.  Whether it’s one small non-traveling call on Josh McRoberts or the added bonus of more free throws than your opponents in 70% of your games, Duke Blue will always have a leg up in the referee bias department.

And sometimes, it has a severe effect on games...



That’s not to say other coaches and programs don’t practice the same thing – they do.  But they’re not flaunting themselves as the male answer to Mother Theresa like you are with your joke of a Web site.



”How has he affected my life?” Well, he’s aided my personal level of disdain for one sports figure to levels I never thought possible (at least for booing and rooting against purposes).

Onward……

Full Blown Hypocrisy
There’s a litany of items that could fall into this category, but for brevity’s sake, we’ll quickly scan them.

-- Quin Snyder is one of your disciples.  Next…

-- You 'allegedly' eat children ('allegedly').

-- In the ’94-’95 season, you had back surgery.  You took a leave of absence the rest of the way, and assistant coach Pete Gaudet led the team to a 4-15 mark for the remaining 19 games.  The 4-15 record was assessed to Gaudet, who was promptly removed from the program and is currently the video director for the Ohio State women’s program.

Never mind that other coaches have been assessed the records of their teams while they’ve been on leave (Eddie Sutton, Norm Stewart etc.).  This just reinforces your level of a—hole-ism, even if you did recently admit you should have 'probably' been assessed the losses.

-- You have appeared in Chevy and American Express commercials in which you’ve promoted the Coach K philosophy and preached about “leadership”.  At the same time, you’ve scolded critics who say these advertising avenues give you an unfair recruiting advantage over your counterparts.



Mike, there’s nothing wrong with appearing in the commercials – it’s all legal.  More power to you, as they say.  But don’t sit on your high horse pretending the ads don’t give you a recruiting advantage.  They do and to think otherwise, you’d have to be a dirty rotten son of a batch of cookies.

-- Your Web site blows nads.  The homepage, the section on how “Coach K has affected my life”, the “Krzyzewski Quotes”… it all reeks of supreme suckitude, the kind that is derived from self-righteousness, self absorption, and promoting yourself as an egomaniacal piece of poo-poo.

Well; It’s taken me 1365 words to get to this sentence, but, on behalf of the sports fans who don’t like phony coaches, let me reference the one undeniable conclusion most of us agreen on…

YOU SUCK BALLS.

The Monday Krzyzewski Column was written by Pat Imig.  He may throw his TV out the window by the end of the NCAA tournament if Coach K tries to sell any more Chevys.  Email him at patrick@joesportsfan.com
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KRZYZEWSKI'S MYSPACE PAGE

Coach K Responds to JoeSportsFan - The Phone Call

The Ultimate Anti-Krzyzewski Youtube Montage (fun for the whole family!!!)




Special thanks to Matthew Sebek for help creating Duke Blue Cash.