The Daily Favrian
Where Favre = Messiah and all his poop turns to gold.

Today’s Issue: Brett Favre is a Whore ---> A timeline of Favre’s whoredom.
by: the Favre Groupies and Brett Favre

"I wish I knew where I stood."

"I love the game too much and I love my legacy too much to have that just be OK…and I don't want to be just OK. I want to be good, and I don't know if I'm committed enough [right now] to be good on an everyday basis."

"I still know I can play, I still love to play, but there's still much more to it. I never thought I'd give out mentally before I gave out physically."

"It's not about me. ... I want to make the right decision for everyone involved."

The Daily Favrian Presents: The Favrian Prayer
And in the same way, he took his words and said to his groupies: "Take this, all of you and report it.  This is my opinion, which will be given up for you so that my interceptions may be forgiven.  Do this in memory of my legacy".

Let us proclaim the beauty of his face.

April 2006: Report: Favre still unsure
Favre fails to make a decision for his second deadline, the first Saturday in April.  When asked how he thought the Packers would respond, he snidely asks,

”What are they going to do?  Cut me?”

Classy fellow, that Favre is.

May 01, 2006: Salisbury has mental sex with Brett Favre
Favre announced during the NFL Draft (hey, another huge NFL media event, who’d have thunk it?) that he was returning (even though he never left).  ESPN’s Sean Salisbury displayed an unusually soft side and revealed himself to be one smitten kitten while he proclaimed the Good News of our Lord on SportsCenter…

"If you've got a problem with Brett Favre, GET OVER IT!"

"Learn to like what he does because you don't get much more of him!"

"If you're selfish or bothered that he took this long (to decide), STOP IT!"

"And the comment (from Brett) about 'what are they gonna do, cut me?', for those of us who know Brett Favre's… the way he jokes and his attitude, Brett Favre is the ultimate team player.  And when he speaks out sometimes, I think he only does it for the good of the team."

"You give me a leader, and I'll show you a winner.  You give me a coward, and I won't show you Brett Favre!"

"This is a guy who tries to force the ball too much.  His biggest strength is his biggest weakness.”

"He had to try and make everything happen and load a franchise up on his shoulders like he's done most of his career.  But the bottom line is sometimes the balls instead of going to his guys are now getting tipped (but) he made some awful decisions."

"If they do make the playoffs, we should throw a ticker tape parade for Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers."

The Daily Favrian Presents: Questions for Favre Groupies
[Deanna Favre: Would Ya?]
Hell Yes!  Brett too!

[Poll: do you like Favre?]
Did you see how I just answered the last question?

[Poll: like how much?]
Enough to have sex with his wife, just for the faint chance I could still smell him.

OCTOBER 01, 2006: The Heir to the Favrian Throne?
NBC’s Football Night in American is no stranger to Favvrian love.  Even in a game where Green Bay wasn’t playing, the crew manages to sneak some Favrian Jargon onto America with the comparison of Rex Grossman to Brett Favre

”He has some Brett Favre in him, but he’s a winner.” – Jerome Bettis

”He’s seems like a Brett Favre kind of guy.” – Chris Collinsworth

”You know what somebody told me earlier this week?  Is that he has some Brett Favre in him.   I’m not saying he’s Brett Favre, but he does have a little of that in him.” – John Madden

If Rex Grossman is similar to Brett Favre, maybe it’s time Mr. Whiskers retires, no?

DECEMBER ’06: Man Crush Personified
The wickedly awesome and funny sports humor site, JoeSportsFan.com runs the Media Circus End of the Year Craptacular, and selects the following 2 quotes as their way to recap the year in Favre…

"We’re going to have to send Brett a memo: You cannot retire.  You are still too good and too important to this league.” – Mike Patrick
 
“You are not allowed to go away yet.  We want you.  We need you.” – Joe Theismann

After another year of Favre love, JSF is confident that if VH1 ever optioned a reality show where football analysts take part in physical competitions for the affection of Favre, there would be multiple deaths involved. 

FEBRUARY 2007: Favre sure this time
On the Friday of Super Bowl week (SURPRISE!!!), Favre announces he’s coming back to play more football.  SI’s Peter King drops one of the more unbelievable quotes those wacky JoeSportsFan guys have ever come across, documented in their weekly Media Circus:

"I love how Favre announced he was coming back on the Friday of Super Bowl week, and told the local paper in town. That is so classic Favre. He picked the time where the world would be most focused on something else, so he could get the minimum amount of attention. Beautiful."

After documenting the above quote, Joe Mustache shook his head. 

Really hard, like until it exploded hard.

APRIL 2007: Randy Moss a Go-Go
Favre is “100 percent certain” Randy Moss will be a Packer

The Daily Favrian Presents: The Favrian Pledge
I pledge allegiance to Brett Favre,
Master of the National Football League
And to Deanna
For her three kids
One family under Favre
With millions of man crushes from all,
AMEN.

MAY 12, 2007: Favre: “Smell my golden fecies or I’m leaving”
Favre is not happy and speaks out about his frustrations at his celebrity golf tourney

"It was a done deal and the stories of how we lost (Randy Moss) because he didn't want to restructure his contract were not true."

"I just want to win; maybe I see things the wrong way.  I don't want to ruffle any feathers and I want people to respect me.” 

”Sometimes I think it's hard for them to let Brett go.  They might think that we pay him a lot of money, but he still gives us the best chance to win.  I've never been told that, but there are times when I wonder if I'm the odd man out here and they just don't know how to tell me."

"Right now, it's hard to be optimistic.  I'm not getting any younger and I think everyone knows that.  I don't have five years to rebuild... It's hard to look at where we are going and say, 'How can they not be rebuilding?'

"I don't know if I've lost faith, and I think everyone in the organization wants to win. I just don't know if it includes me... This is 17 years for me and I want to win."

MAY 13, 2007: Jay Glazer: “Pack fail to smell Brett’s fecies.”
Just two or three days after last month's NFL Draft, Favre's agent Bus Cook phoned Green Bay's general manager Ted Thompson and asked that his client be traded, the sources said. In the conversation, Cook railed off on how his client was fed up with the organization and wanted out.

The trade request was relayed to head coach Mike McCarthy, who immediately phoned the Super Bowl-winning quarterback. However, the quarterback ignored all his calls for a week, letting the request fester and perhaps showing the team how upset he was this time.

The Daily Favrian Presents: Favrian Advice
Where Joe Theismann answers the Favrian mailbag!

Dear Joe,
My wife has threatened to leave me if I don’t tear down my Brett Favre fathead stickers.  What should I do?

Sean,
Bristol, CT
____

Sean,
To me, I just really like the way that Brett Favre throws the football.  He’s a gunslinger.  I had the good fortune of speaking with Charlie Weis 46 days ago, and one of things we discussed was how well Brett Favre releases the football.
 
Hope this helps.

-- JT
____

The Daily Favrian was written by Pat Imig.  He heard Theismann was running for Favrian Archbishop.  Email him at patrick@joesportsfan.com