Memo to Chris Rose: I will vomit on your carpet
As noted over there in the Circus of Media, the FOX All Star Red Carpet Special is a lame waste of time... just try telling that to Chris Rose, Rob Dibble and Charissa Thompson.  Much like last year's extravaganza, the trio was overly proud to boast that this Red Carpet is the longest red carpet in the world.  (!!!)

The red carpet show also had a "Bonds Tracker", which kept viewers up to speed as to where exactly Barry Bonds was at all times.  You may have trouble seeing it, but Bonds was traveling at a speed of 0.1 MPH.

Anyway, Charrisa, tell us about that red carpet:

"I am on the red carpet.  And not just any red carpet, but the world's LARGEST red carpet!  It is 2,000 feet long!  It's also green... it's made of 100% polyprofiline, which means it's recyclable so we're taking the environment into consideration here!"

Nothing screams anticipation for an All Star game like Chris Rose, Rob Dibble and 2,000 feet of red carpet.  Oh, and just to be sure you hated the broadcast special with an intense passion, Thompson was eager to point out that 2,000 feet is equivalent to...
 
73 San Francisco cable cars

229 sea lions

and 4,672 boxes of Rice a Roni.

Baseball fever: catch it.

THIS CARPET IS 229 SEA LIONS LONG!!!

"chris rose sucks"

More fun with stupid statistics, ESPN style...

One of the drawbacks of having more information "at your fingertips" in this age of technology is that the mainstream sports outlets are left scrambling to come up with insight nobody else can find.  Case in point, ESPN's stat team putting together a few items for Steve Levy to read from the company teleprompter following the Twins/White Sox doubleheader in which the Twins scored 20 runs in Game 1, followed by a 12 spot in Game 2: 

"Here's how crazy this game was (game 1)... last year, the Bears beat the Vikings 19-16 and 23-13.  That means the Twins scored more runs Friday than the Vikings did points in either of their meetings with the Bears last season."  

See how they did that? The Twins are from Minnesota (just like the Vikings!) and the White Sox are from Chicago (just like the Bears!) and the Twins baseball team scored more than the Vikings football team!!!  In related news, the Oakland A's have scored more runs in 16 select games than the Raiders did all of last year.  Actually, we made that up, but it's not that far-fetched is it, Art Shell?

Oh, and if you want more fun statistics, SportsCenter informs us that "Twins: 5th time since 1961 scoring 12+ runs in consecutive games."

Thanks guys; we needed that.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH; LOOK AT THIS RED CARPET!  IT'S 2,000 FEET LONG!  LONGER THAN ANY OTHER RED CARPET IN THE WORLD!  THAT'S 229 SEA LIONS!