Here we are more than a week into Training Camp and the fun has already begun.  It isn’t the worthless preseason games benefiting the money-grubbing owners, and it isn’t the team scrimmages benefiting meathead teammates who love to fight each other.  It’s Michael Irvin speaking at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. 

Okay; I’m lying.  The fun I’m referring to is the ridiculously absurd praise coaches and players around the league are spewing regarding the status and progress of their players.  It’s that time of year when coaches answer every question with a “He’s on a whole ‘nother level right now,“ or “He looks good, better than we expected at this point” or at worst, “He’s coming around – he did some good things today… we’ll get there.”

I did a little bit of digging and found some verbal beauties from the past week, a week that had a total of zero football games (all prior to Sunday’s Hall of Fame game).  Yeah, zero; but that doesn’t stop the compliments from rolling in because, these guys have really made some great impressions on their teammates and coaches.

Fun for the whole family, I say.

The ‘I’m terrified for my life’ compliment
At age 32, Raiders coach Lane Kiffin has the tumultuous task of taking over a franchise run by an evil, senile owner which also happened to be the worst in the league last season.  Maybe he’s feeling a bit overwhelmed and needs help.  Maybe he’s intimidated by his players, especially the older ones.  Or maybe it’s a little bit of both:

"Jeremy (Newberry) brings you something every day, and it's a special thing that he brings.  He's a great competitor. As you watch him go through individual drills, he goes through it like he's the youngest guy there, the way that he works and the way that he handles those guys.  You need some players that can take charge sometimes when you're not around. He's that type of guy." – Raiders Coach Lane Kiffin

Newberry may very well turn into a bargain this year, but he’s played in just 9 games since the 2003 season, and sat out all of 2006.  After listening to Kiffin, you’d think he was watching Anthony Munoz in his prime. 

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The ‘I've never been in charge and here’s the proof’ compliment
After 3 years of this “finally being the year”, the football Cardinals are really serious this time: this is there year.  To prove it, they brought in no-nonsense Steelers pillars Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm.  It’s an attitude change that Cardinals fans hope will change their horrid history (recently) of pisspoor offensive line play.

After spring mini-camps and a little over a week of Training Camp, the new head coach of the Arizona Cardinals has seemingly witnessed all he needs to see from his offensive line:

”They’re starting to grow together.  They’ve got a good chemistry.  (Reggie Wells) looks like a natural... (Center Al Johnson) has done a great job of controlling everything… I see a huge difference in Deuce (Lutui) … and his ability to move and get to secondary defenders.  He looks great. He’s a tremendous athlete for how big he is.  I think he’s going to be a Pro Bowl lineman for years to come. I really do.  He’s a great football player.” – Ken Whisenhunt

The personnel has changed for the better (though starting a parking cone would have been an upgrade) but Whisenhunt has apparently forgotten or conveniently ignored the fact that the Cards ranked 30th in rushing last season and gave up 35 sacks (18th in the league).  Even if the Cardinals really have “looked good”, you’d think the rookie head coach would temper his excitement a bit.  That quote looked as though Mike Martz was coaching in Arizona - and that's never a good thing.
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The ’I’m going to completely make something up to cover my own ass’ compliment
For reasons unbeknownst to those of us who like our coffee sprinkled with logic (*clever*), the King of Discipline (running theme from last season… apologies to new readers) and 2nd year head coach of the Vikings, Brad Childress, signed perennial backup tight end Visanthe Shiancoe with the hopes that he'd be the starter.  Not only that, but they did so on the second day of free agency and guaranteed him $8.2 million. 

A bit of a risky decision considering Shiancoe has never caught more than 3 passes in a game and hasn’t scored a touchdown since January '05.  And guess what?  Shiancoe has (SURPRISE!) had a sub par training camp, as he’s been plagued by a bad case of the drops.  That notwithstanding, Brad Childress and friend still found some positives in the tight end's suckosity:

"You just have to look at the skills and abilities and make sure that he has the tools you are looking for." - Brad Childress

"We're still learning about him. You would like to get big plays down the field. Not necessarily the 40- or 50-yard plays, but the ones that are getting first downs for you." – offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell

After looking again, Childress discovered Shiancoe doesn’t have the proper tools, namely, hands.  Wise investment, guys.
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The ‘I’m delusional because the regular starter has been federally indicted and now I'm screwed’ compliment
Sure it’s cool to pick on Joey Harrington, but read his comments and then we will discuss:

"This is the best group of receivers that I've played with.  The most talented, hard-working group of receivers I've seen.  I've got nothing but confidence in them.  It seems like everybody does something well.  It seems like we have a guy for every situation." – Joey Harrington

"… Especially the tackling situations when I throw my 3rd interception of the game."

Snide remarks aside, I have a question for Joey, really; the “best”? 

I don’t want to infer that the previous teams you’ve played on were good by any stretch, but if you’re trying to tell us Roddy White, Michael Jenkins and Alge Crumpler are better than Chris Chambers, Marty Booker, Wes Welker and Randy McMichael, well, I’m going to call you a liar.

LIAR!

You also played with Roy Williams, and I know he didn’t have a supporting cast, but geez, I’d have to think Williams is the single best receiver you’ve ever played with.  Unfortunately, I’ve never played on your teams, so I can’t say for certain.

Drats.
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The ‘I’m so disgusted with our starting QB that I might start the equipment manager’ compliment
By now, we’re all familiar with the anomaly known as Rex Grossman.  After watching Grossman throw away the Super Bowl and sputter through a 20 interception, 8 fumble season, it’s not out of the question that Brian Griese could be the Bears starter on opening day.  And if we’re to believe Lovie Smith and Ron Turner, Kyle Orton could be a possibility, because he looks like a seasoned starter at this point:

“Kyle (Orton) had a great off-season, he's a good player and he's helped us win a lot of games around here.  He's one of the guys." - Lovie Smith

"Kyle is playing great and has really improved.  He had a great off-season and right now is playing so much better than when we won 10 games with him. He's much more relaxed and from what I have seen, he is throwing the ball much better than he ever has." - Ron Turner

I sure hope he’s playing better than when you won “10 games with him”, considering, you know, Orton had 9 touchdowns, 13 picks, 12 fumbles and a 59.7 passer rating.  But sure, after one week of training camp, Orton has proven so much. 

And you think it might be possible that Orton is more relaxed because he’s throwing against the 2nd and 3rd string defense during (psst) PRACTICE?
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The ‘I’m so full of crap and don’t even know it’ compliment
This is the highest form of compliment a coach or player can give his pupils or peers.  Not surprisingly, the foundation is chaired by comedic genius Mike Martz.  Here in St. Louis, it became a joke to listen to Martz completely ignore reality with unabashed praise and support of his players. 

But in Martz’s world, he believes whatever he says and whatever he wants.  It’s the main reason I think he’s stoned all the time.  If you want evidence, read on…

"We don't feel short anywhere.  We're not trying to find somebody to play this or that to mend something, which was the case here last year, certainly. No, we are very pleased with the personnel we have at both ends and the competition that you need."

"The effort's real good.  The attention to detail's good.  I think Jim Colletto's been a tremendous addition for us. He's a taskmaster. Pleased with the progress, really am."

"We've spent a great deal of time so far in the running game.  I think Tatum's (Bell) really stood out, as has Brian Calhoun. Real pleased with the running game and what we're trying to do."

"Tatum (Bell) right now is a different level.  He's better than I thought he'd be.  He's the whole package. ... He's got so much juice to him. He can go. He's taken our offense and learned it so well. He doesn't make any mistakes. He's catching the ball extremely well. He's playing at such a high level right now."

“I am really pleased with all three quarterbacks, at this point, who are practicing."

"Jon's (Kitna) far enough along, we could start tomorrow.  He's playing at such a high, high level. We're trying to be careful with him. When other guys are all (aware) of protections and routes and we're just working through those things ... there's just nothing you can give him that he can't do right now." – Mike Martz

Martz is complimenting on such a high, high level right now.

The Training Camp Compliment Factory was written by Pat Imig.  He's writing with tremendous attention to detail right now.  Email him at patrick@joesportsfan.com

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