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While we certainly understand the business philosophy behind securing a celebrity sports figure to endorse a particular product or service, often times this trend veers right into the absurd.  This is where we step in.

Despite the tie-ins that will soon be uncomfortably obvious, we assure you, the title of this post was not meant to be a pun. 

It just so happens that when you have a recurring column that is meant to keep tabs on endorsements by sports celebrities and you see a commercial that has Jimmy Johnson - 67-year old former Cowboys coach and current Fox analyst - being paid to promote ExtenZe, one of the leading "male enhancement" products on the market, it's pretty much inevitable that everything will sound like a creepy play on words.

The official announcement from the ad agency claiming that when Jimmy Johnson says a products works, men listen because Johnson is such a "powerful" endorser?  Creepy.

The Ad Age article listing Johnson as an "unabashed user" of ExtenZe?  Creepy. 

Watching Jimmy say his last name with a huge smile on his face while wearing an ExtenZe NASCAR body suit? Creepy. 

The dialogue in the actual commercial?  Creepy. 

And even if you've read about it prior to seeing it, it never quite hits home until you're sitting on your couch watching a basketball game one night and suddenly Jimmy Johnson is standing in front of you uttering lines like "Go long with ExtenZe.  I do."  Then it becomes painfully clear that an advertiser has just brought the concepts of "Jimmy Johnson" and "penis enlargement" dangerously close to clashing in your brain, which is not recommended by doctors.

Upon seeing the ad for the first time last night, I was so paralyzed with fear that I couldn't muster the confidence to take a picture of it for this column as it appeared on my TV.  Getting closer to the TV with a wild card advertiser like ExtenZe on the screen was too risky.  For all I know, they may pan to the left and show Jimmy standing next to a completely naked Greg Oden, which would have forced me to take lethal action on my 47-inch LCD screen for the safety of me and my family. 

After hours searching through my DVR settings for some way to ban all future ExtenZe commercials from my television, I came to the unfortunate conclusion that ads featuring Jimmy Johnson discussing his enhanced maleness are still out there and could appear on my TV screen at any moment. 

Yours too.

February 9, 1961

On this day 49 years ago, Jonathan Martin Kruk was born into the world.  He made his Major League Baseball debut on April 7, 1986 for the San Diego Padres.  In 1989, the Padres dealt Kruk to the Philadelphia Phillies for Chris James - who played for 8 different teams in five years following the trade because he was terrible.  He also never had a mullet.

You know who did?  John Kruk.



As Kruk's mullet and overall tobacco girth blossomed with the Phillies, he was voted into the All-Star Game in 1991, 1992, and 1993.

Today, Kruk is a co-host on ESPN's "Baseball Tonight" and writes one of the most appropriately-named sports columns in the world; "Chewing the Fat".

As I wrote last week, and as you more than likely viewed with underwhelming delight during Sunday's Super Bowl telecast, Santa Claus aficionado Tim Tebow was featured in a pro-life Super Bowl ad with his mom and her manicure. Outside of the game, cheerleaders, every other dreadful commercial, and the boredom that is Phil Simms and Jim Nance -- it was one of the lowlights of the broadcast.

After all, who doesn't love commercials about the ills of fetus removal?

Tebow, of course, has the right to pray to whatever make-believe deity or 1970s teen idol he chooses (I always liked Lief Garrett and Rick Springfield myself).

But as the Tebow spot requested, I visited the website for the Tim Tebow Foundation and watched this intro video from the Bible-thumpin' southpaw.

Does Timmy need some practice at making teleprompter reading look natural?  You be the judge.



Tim Tebow Foundation from Tim Tebow on Vimeo.

It's safe to say that every major news source and their respective photographers made sure to capture the essence of Peyton Manning's 4th Quarter interception to Tracy Porter.

Schadenfreude, in pictorial montage format.



Sure, go ahead and click on the above photo for a full-scale, desktop version.

Enjoy.

With the resolve of the Saints organization and the city of New Orleans serving as inspiration, Coach Bill Cowher revealed in a passionate speech on CBS' Super Bowl post-game show that, because of his dedication to football over the years, he has ignored his true calling since the mid-1980's.  

After an emotional unveiling of the gold rope chain he has kept in the closet for two decades,  Cowher announced that he is finally going to try to become the third member of the rap group, Eric B. and Rakim. 



When he started chanting "Who dat say dat Coach Cowher can't be a rap star?", the others on the set felt obligated to tell him that Eric B. and Rakim broke up in 1992. 

Needless to say, he was devastated.