Forget calling it “March Madness”, the 2006 NCAA Tournament shouldbe known from here on out as “Big Baby Mania”. 

Glen Davis of the Final Four bound LSU Tigers has become the break out star of the tournament to this point with his brace-filled smile, massive body and shocking agility.  With a few impressive nationally televised games, just like that Davis is no longer just a basketball player who shares a name with a mustachioed former Houston Astros first baseman. 

As fun as it is to watch his game, his success has created another not-so-pleasant side effect - the “sports media-zation” of his once-charming nickname, “Big Baby”.

As they’ve done with so many before it, the announcers and analysts for the tournament latched onto the nickname early on and have proceeded to ram it into the ground to the point where even Glen Davis’ family might be sick of it. 

The over/under for the amount of times we heard the words “Big Baby” in Saturday’s Elite Eight game versus Texas was set at 25 by the Media Circus staff.  Five minutes into the game, announcer Dick Enberg had ripped off 10 “Big Baby” references in route to shattering the over/under by saying the nickname an astonishing 3.2 million times. 

Okay that might be an exaggeration.  Truthfully we stopped keeping count once we noticed smoke coming off our notebook from the constant marking of tallies at each nickname drop. 

With Saturday’s Final Four play-by-play duties falling into the hands of Jim Nantz, prepare yourself for more of the same.  We have a feeling he’s working on his LSU championship pun right now. 

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
”He understands the game.  He knows how to play.” – Jay Bilas on West Virginia’s Mike Gansey
”We said it coming in…whoever makes more plays will win the game.” – on Duke/LSU
“They were good enough to get to the Final Four.” – on LSU

This is why Jay Bilas earns top dollar to give insight.  Thank you for enlightening us, Dr. Obvious.
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“As for analysts, there’s no anger and brash, just good (and for the most part, logical) insight from Jay Bilas.” - The Media Circus 1/31/06

We’re not immune to calling ourselves out when we’ve misfired.
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"He just has a beautiful body... a Michaelangelo sculpture from a dream" - Bill Walton on Dwyane Wade

We swear; he really did say that.  And nice to see that Walton is allowed to bring his drugs with him courtside.
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“On a night in which Texas and UCLA both pulled off miraculous victories, the biggest story was still Duke's loss to LSU.” – Foxsports.com

In other words, we didn’t have time to write a story on the late games, which were far better, so we’ll just try to convince you that the Duke loss was a bigger deal.
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“You give them a little opening in that door and they will slam it wide open." – Wayne Hagin on the Cardinals

Not to be nitpicky (actually, yes to be nitpicky), but can anyone actually slam a door open?
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“We got tapeworms in our belly.  We still hungry.” – 310 lb LSU Center, Glen Davis

Indianapolis IHOP’s beware.
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“Dallas (Cowboys) 2005 W-L Record: 10-6.” – ESPN Insider

See, that’s why we pay the money for Insider: to get factual errors at a premium price. (Dallas finished 9-7)
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“And that’s what you expect to do on the golf course? ‘ Kick some butt’” – Ed Bradley speaking to Tiger Woods.

There’s just something strangely funny about Ed Bradley saying “Kick some butt”.

Media Rant of the Week – The Gullible Media
Everyone had one kid in their group of friends who was the gullible one.  Whatever you told him, no matter how ridiculous it may have been, he always believed.  If nothing else, his blissful ignorance provided a brief chuckle before someone had to inevitably tell him that he was an idiot for believing everything people said. 

The sports media is that friend. 

In their never ending quest to find a headline or an angle that will create a splash, the media just continues to blindly follow the same stories year after year.  The most obvious examples are ones that have been discussed in this column at length – the yearly flirtations with retirement for Roger Clemens and Brett Favre, the antics of Terrell Owens, the idea that Peyton Manning is finally poised for a Super Bowl. 

Each year, newspapers, web sites, TV shows all forget that they heard the same rhetoric the previous year and break land speed records running to Clemens and Favre to report on their indecision in the off season.  Meanwhile, the sports-watching public sits back and collectively shakes their head, wondering if they’ll ever learn. 

In addition to the standard stories on Clemens, Favre, Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens, one of the favorite topics of the gullible media is the vaunted pitching staff of the Chicago Cubs.  The same pitching staff that makes media members drool and fantasy owners cringe each and every spring.

This year, even after both Mark Prior and Kerry Wood have suffered injury setbacks that could prevent them from being ready on opening day, new Yahoo sports analyst and Hall of Famer Tony Gywnn stood up and proved that he will fit in perfectly in the sports media industry. 

”I’m gonna say the Chicago Cubs (to win the NL).  I think Prior and Wood make that big a difference playing at Wrigley Field every day.”

Hook.

“I just think if they can get those two guys back with the type offense they have and the kind of defense they play, this is a team that can get to the World Series.”

Line.

“I took the Cubs because of Prior and Wood…the key again lies in Prior and Wood’s pitching.”

And sinker.

At this point, you can’t help but laugh like you did at your gullible friend.  You almost expected more from a player like Tony Gwynn, who used his intelligence and knowledge to gain the upper hand in each at bat., but apparently when one applies for a media pass, all common sense and ability to spot recurring trends is sacrificed. 

If past history tells us anything, it’s that the Prior and Wood have about as much chance of being healthy as a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. 

We’re now eagerly awaiting Gwynn’s prediction that JD Drew will win the MVP - so long as he doesn’t get injured.  

Local Beat: Fred Rogers is a Navy Seal
New WB 11 voice of the Cardinals Wayne Hagin made a profound impact this weekend in his television debut for the Cards exhibition game with the Dodgers.  As standard protocol dictates, each play by play announcer is required to acknowledge David Eckstein’s toughness and tenacity at least once every game.  While speaking on that subject, Hagin pointed out that you can’t judge a book by its cover,

“I think we've all done that to some extent with someone we all know...and that person is Mr. Rogers…  Fred Rogers always wore those sweaters because he had tattoos up and down his arm. You see, (Rogers) was a Navy Seal, and he had all kinds of tattoos."

It turns out that Wayne Hagin was incorrect, as Mr. Rogers being part of the Navy Seals is a myth in much the same way that Bob Horner is the all time stolen bases leader – it’s completely not true.  To steal a cliché from the Announcer’s Dictionary, “Inauspicious start for Wayne Hagin.”

Good lord, can we get an editor in here please?
“I was scheduled for a colonoscopy on Thursday in West Paterson, N.J. If you've had one, or if you've had any intestinal procedure, you know that the day before such an internal snaking you've got to be, well, cleaned out. One problem for me: On Wednesday, I was covering the Vince Young workout in Austin. My cleanout was due to begin at 1 p.m. My flight was due to leave Austin three hours later, and I was scheduled to get home by 8. In other words, I was not going to have the home-bathroom advantage for a good portion of the internal preparation.” – Peter King SI.com

“All the Team USA pitchers — and pitching coach Marcel Lachemann — were in awe of Roger Clemens. But one thing they weren’t ready for was Clemens taking that Icy Hot that pitchers rub on their shoulders and arms and spreading it over his upper thighs and private parts” – Peter Gammons

Peter King’s crapping issues and Roger Clemens affinity for a menthol-enhanced package are things we can just file away under “Man, I didn’t need to read that”. 

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line hosted by Verne Lundquist and Billy Packer
Billy Packer, master of the corporate tie-in, speaks on struggling Villanova guard Allen Ray: “And that’s how Ray has been playing, Without a Trace!”

Verne Lundquist left viewers wondering if Jim Nantz had transposed into his body by offering up this premeditated gem after George Mason advanced to the Final Four: “By George, the dream is still alive!”

Between the George Mason line and Packer’s corporate tie-in, we’re thinking Jim Nantz is trying to spread his snap on his coworkers to make up for the bleak future now that Bob and Ricky are separated.