Just so you readers know, we’re typing the words you’re reading in candle light at the JSF Offices because, just like the good humanitarian-environmentalists at NBC Football Night in America, we’ve gone green this week.  By typing this column in the dark on a laptop that runs strictly on corn extract, we’re saving enough electricity to power a made-from-scratch sports Web site in Zaire AND Congo (bonus: our scented candles are not only providing enough light to work, they’re very aromatic!). 

If you missed Bob Costas and his crew’s kickoff of NBC Universal’s “Green is Universal”, get to clickin’ and witness history being made in the dark (note: after clicking the link, click on “Top Videos”, followed by a click of the “Go Green” video.  Apparently, they’re saving keyboard energy too, by refraining from tagging each video with their own URL.)  

There’s really not too much to add to what has already been said and written about football analysis in the dark, other than had ESPN done the same thing, the entire sports blogosphere would be going crazy – and rightfully so.  Also, in their attempt to raise ‘awareness’, the NBC crew interviewed Matt Lauer live from Greenland, because surely the fuel that powered Lauer’s personal flight to Greenland was worth the gimmick.  He was in Greenland!  Get it?  Green-Land.  We weren’t sure how NBC could make their studio show more of a disaster, but the forced spectacle Sunday night exceeded expectations.  

And we don’t know about you, but we can’t wait until the NBC Football Night in America begins broadcasting in a shirts and skins manner to promote clothing awareness for the homeless.  It’s not football, until you can see Jerome Bettis’ saggy man jugs in high definition, people. 

[And to further planet awareness, this week's crap section is green]

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
“They are two teams, they try to win the game.” – Phil Simms, on the Colts and Patriots
It’s great that Simms is paired with Jim Nantz on the #1 CBS team.  Great in the “this broadcast team puts me to sleep with their constant monotone drivel” kind of way.
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“If you think (Marion Barber’s) hard now, wait until the fourth quarter.” – John Madden
 
It’s clear Madden has a fetish for running backs: last week, he described Travis Henry’s moves on moves in the hole.  This week it’s the hardness of Marion Barber.
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”It’s so cold I saw a robin and a worm huddling.” – Matt Lauer, reporting live from Greenland during NBC Football Night in America
 
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the man Tiki Barber aspires to be.  Just thought we’d remind you.
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”That’s kind of like leaving Michael Jordan alone.” – Al Michaels, describing Terrell Owens being left wide open by the Eagles secondary

Except that Owens has 6 less championships, is consumed with himself, faked a suicide and ruined 2 franchises, with the over/under on the 3rd at around two years.
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“Other teams with pitching as a priority are…St Louis, which converted two quality relievers into starting roles last year and paid the price” – Tracy Ringolsby, Fox Sports

Uneducated reporter’s logic: Cardinals pitching sucked + Cardinals had two starters converted from the bullpen = Cardinals pitching sucked because they had two starters converted from the bullpen.   Nevermind the fact that their two best starters happen to be the two converted relievers and the bullpen they came from remained a strong point all season.  Nope, none of that is relevant, instead our man just went ahead and assumed the most obvious explanation for the crappy Cardinals pitching was the correct one.  Well done, Trace.
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"One can anticipate that after a year's transition to the Boston heartbeat and family issues behind him that J.D. Drew can be the player he was in September(.342) and October." - Peter Gammons
 
One can anticipate that Peter Gammons hasn’t followed the career of JD Drew at all.  Seeing as he’s firmly locked in a hefty contract, Drew won’t play consistently good until free agency looms. 
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"Jacoby Ellsbury might be a young Steve Nash." – Peter King

One of the true joys of following the sports media is stumbling upon the rare arbitrary comparison between two things that have no tangible link.  In this case, it’s Peter King comparing a rookie outfielder in Boston to a two-time MVP point guard in Phoenix...with absolutely no explanation.  Allow us to get into the fun:

Peter King might just be a young Orville Redenbacher.  
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"Andy Reid should stop coaching the Philadelphia Eagles when he and owner Jeff Lurie decide the time is right, not when the media thinks he should." – Peter King

"If Roger Goodell lets Pacman Jones put on a uniform this year, he's nuts." – Peter King
 
Only Peter King can pull off a jab at his peers for telling Andy Reid what he should do and then seamlessly make decisions for Roger Goodell.
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Peter King: Early November: "Reggie Bush is playing better and running more physically this year than last."

Peter King: Early October: "Bush had better show something pretty soon. He's looking like el busto.”

Does that mean Bush was more of a bust in 2006?

Sean Salisbury Invents New Statistic
Heading into the mid-season Super Bowl, the consumer got enough previews and analysis for the Colts and Patriots to make the head spin.  It was enough to drive Bristol’s crazy man nuts, or so it seemed, when Sean Salisbury was “forced” to pick between the Patriots and the Colts.  The question: who has the edge on defense?

"I'm gonna go with the Patriots slightly and not because they're playing better but because I think their confusion is more.  We know that the Colts are gonna give you 2 Deep.   Come down with Bob Sanders once in a while.  You know where they're gonna line up.  The Patriots create all kinds of confusion and confusion means turnovers, turnovers mean short field.  Slightly the Patriots because of confusion."

He's right.  Take a look at his 2007 Confusion Power Rankings…

See?  The Patriots are way ahead of the Colts.

Hubie Brown the Best Superlative Broadcaster in Basketball
In watching the Suns and Lakers Friday night game on ESPN, we couldn’t help but notice analyst Hubie Brown’s propensity to label the game’s players as the “best” at something.  We were left to assume Hubie aced all his exams in Schlerethese.  Or perhaps Hubie was the sensei to Schlereth’s pupil.  That seems more likely after noting that Brown mentioned all of the following in the 1st half:

Steve Nash - Best dribbler

Shawn Marion- One of the Best stat guys

Raja Bell - One of Best defenders

Suns - Best transition team

Amare Stoudemire – Best big man at stealing

Kobe Bryant – Best player in the NBA

After thinking about it, maybe Brown doesn’t have ties to the Big Savvy, Mark Schlereth, otherwise he would have referred to Kobe Bryant as the best player in the "National Basketball Association".  Regardless, we’re still confident Hubie Brown once had the best perm in broadcasting – and that alone gives him a hall pass for dishing out superlatives at a frantic pace.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
The Bobber is a big fan of planet preservation and an even bigger fan of planet preservation mixed with snappiness.  As he turned out all the lights in his house Sunday night to watch the Bob Costas crew do the same on NBC, he noted Costas’ comedic exploit of his colleagues:    

”Aren’t there enough dim bulbs on this program already?”

After giving it a good chuckle, the Bobber realized that by watching the show, he was spending the earth’s energy and failing to stay aware of the environment.  It was then that he unplugged the tube and threw it out the window (or maybe it was because the NBC studio show is awful).  Either way, it’s a middle finger to Bob Costas from Robert C.
 
The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig.  They swear this stuff is real.  Email them at info@joesportsfan.com