Desperate for work Shelby Miller submits resume to Cardinals

After several failed attempts to draw attention to his body of work via Powerpoint presentations and fruit baskets, Shelby Miller has resorted to applying for his own job.  Submitted just hours ago, Miller’s rather impressive resume provides compelling evidence that he has recently excelled at throwing a baseball.

Given the current condition of the St Louis Cardinals, one would think that a person which such a promising skill set would be deemed useful.  Maybe not.  In hopes of alerting current management to his presence Shelby passed along the following resume with a cover letter to Mike Matheny and John Mozeliak – both of whom we believe have actually met Mr. Miller.


We do not yet know whether the resume was rejected or not, because this was the last thing Shelby sent before his company email account was deactivated.


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  1. If Wacha wins game 6, it would make sense for Shelby Miller to start game 7 for 2 reasons. 1. I’m not sure any of the current Red Sox have ever faced Miller in the majors. 2. He is currently on 478 days rest. It only makes sense, Mike. Surprise the world.

    • IF the Cardinals win game 6, I could care less who starts game 7. At that point Wacha would possibly be the only one unavailable, and Mike could use any/all available options. The expectation here is that it would NOT be managed just like any other game.

      • Fair enough. Lets just hope the Cards can hit some 320 ft pop-fly home runs in that retarded ballpark and maybe score some runs.

  2. I’ll never understand how you give a guy that was arguably your second best starting pitcher statistcially during the regular season, a whopping one postseason inning.

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