Mel Kiper
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"There's a lot of symmetry between a good draft day, and the wonderfully crafted hair on my head - preparation."
Male
48 years old
Baltimore, Maryland
United States of America
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View My: Pics | Videos
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| General |
Making stone cold predictions. I go to
movies, I predict what previews they're showing and in
what order they will air. I go to a restaurant, I
predict what order they bring out the food and I tell
you whether the waiter is going to be a manager in
five years. I'm that good. |
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| Music |
Love listening to Jock Jams while I'm doing
my hair in the morning. Gary Glitter rulz. |
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| Movies |
Caught in the Draft, Backdraft, Rough Draft
(starring Gary Busey; he rocks), Gangs of
New York, Ali, video tapes of me making McShay look
stupid |
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| Television |
M.A.S.H., Tour of Duty, NBA Draft, NHL
Draft, reruns of previous NFL Drafts |
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| Video Games |
EA Sports College Football '08
(strictly for scouting purposes), Kid Icarus for
Nintendo |
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| Books |
Mel Kiper Draft Publications, All the
DragonLance books
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| Status: | Wired |
| Orientation: | Value. I go for value early and late |
| Hometown: | My custom built film vault. I recently converted our family room into a 18 screen film vault, and put drywall over all of our windows. It's like a cave in there, baby. My wife won't talk to me, and I haven't been laid in months...but me and Jaws have a stellar time in there. |
| Body type: | Not a physical presence, but I'm a sleeper. |
| Ethnicity: | 1st Overall |
| Religion: | Prospects |
| Zodiac Sign: | Tauras -- mess with the Bull, you get beautiful hair |
| Smoke / Drink: | Depends on what we're talking about/Yes - mostly Red Bull |
| Children: | 2 Blue Chippers, 1 in the War Room |
| Income: | More guaranteed money than the Long boys AND Darren McFadden combined |
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College:
Essex Community College
Football Experience:
Absolutely zero.
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- Mel Kiper is in your extended network -
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About me:
Contractually, I have to mention EA Sports, and how they're the leader in athletic gaming. They put me in this game, but they mistakenly omitted the Widow's Peak in my digital hair. That's a re-do. There's no Kiper with no Widow's Peak. As you can see, Kiper gets what Kiper wants.
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Who I'd like to meet:
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| My Worst Enemies... |
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Mel Kiper has 8 friend(s).
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Hoody
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April 27, 2008
You give us a "C" grade again this year and I'll rearrange your wife's mid-section.
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Tony Romo
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April 24, 2008
Hey Mel, what's draftin? (!LOL!) Pick me as your 1st overall friend, and I'll be your's until the end!!!
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Schlereth
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April 23, 2008
It's like I told Trey: just go out there prepared, bear down, and flat out execute!
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McShay
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April 23, 2008
Those footsteps you hear? That's me coming for your job, Kiper. My TV time was up 15% this year. Pretty soon it will be my "big board" that everyone is talking about.
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LaDainian Tomlinson's Sperm
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April 22, 2008
For Christ's sake, can you just leave us alone and let us swim around for awhile?
We'll be there when we get there!
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Brady Quinn
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April 21, 2008
Good luck this week, Mr. Kiper. I appreciate the rub-downs during commercial breaks last year on draft day. You had me going #9 in your mock draft. I'm sure it was hard on both of us.
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Eisen-rich
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April 21, 2008
I know a bunch of sluts in the NYC area. Gimme a shout over the weekend if you get bored, homes.
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Jolt Cola
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April 16, 2008
Mel, we'd like to increase our profile in the national market...and we think you're our guy. Drop the Red Bull and we'll give you an unlimited supply of Jolt during draft weekend.
You have to promise not to give any to Berman though. That fat tub of shit got addicted in '93 and wipped out our entire East Coast supply.
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Tom Brady
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April 16, 2008
I saw those ads this week, the ones where you said "Tom Brady can throw the football". Is that all you got, I mean, seriously?
You might as well have my 4 year old nephew take over with that bull shit insight.
no offense...
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Andre Ware
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April 13, 2008
Need anything, dawg? I got college telecasts, and that's about it. Happy to help!
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Joey T.
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April 4, 2008
If you need anything, you know, ever, I'd be happy to share with you my expertise.
I just really believe that Glenn Dorsey is the best defensive tackle in the draft!
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M. Mayock
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April 2, 2008
You do realize I could whoop both your and McShay's ass at the same time, right?
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Boomer
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April 2, 2008
You try stealing the spotlight from me this year and I will unload on you so hard it will make my last on camera rant seem like a sonnet. The NFL Draft is my day. MY DAY!!!
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$$Drew$$
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March 12, 2008
When I pay you to talk up one of my clients, you damn well better do it. I heard you on Sportscenter talking about my boy's stock falling. Not cool.
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Faulk U
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March 11, 2008
Well lookie what we have a here... another touchdown for Marshall Faulk! You still think that was a bad pick for the Colts in '94, you son of a bitch?
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The Ghost of Buschbaum
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March 4, 2008
Everyone knows that I was the real draft savant, Mel. I never left my house and still forgot more about scouting than you've ever known.
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Akili11
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February 3, 2008
I'm still getting hate mail from Bengals fans and it's your fault. If you wouldn't have rated me so high on the big board, I would have slipped late in the 1st round and wound up in a better setting for a quarterback.
you disgust me.
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Mike Carey
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January 24, 2008
Dude, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: I DON'T HAVE A LIST OF UP AND COMING HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE REFEREES.
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Ice Cream Man
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December 8, 2007
What would you rate higher: bubble gum ice cream glove, or the original bomb pop?
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Uncle Jesse
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November 21, 2007
How in the good Lord's name do you get your hair like that!?!?!?!?
Haaave Merrrcyyyyy!
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BOZ
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April 27, 2007
Fuck you, ya piece of trash.
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