Die-Hard Illini Fan Dies Hard

30
Dec
2013

Last week’s Braggin’ Rights game notwithstanding, fans of the Fighting Illini know a thing or two about choking.

In basketball, no team has more NCAA tournament wins (40) without ever winning a national title. The last time the football team won a bowl game on New Year’s Day, Jeff George was considered a promising future star in the NFL.

Normally though, it’s the players that choke during the big performance, not a fan choking before the big performance has even begun.

But that’s exactly what happened to 86 year-old Johnny Orris, a lifelong Fighting Illini fan, and winner of a Howard Stern radio show contest called, “I Want to Get My Grandpa Laid.”

john-orris

You see, Orris (center above), won a threesome at a legal brothel in Nevada with these two working girls, Caressa Kisses and Vanity (your guess is as good as mine).  According to reports, on the eventful night, Orris was in such a hurry to claim his prize that he choked on his steak dinner and died.

Rest in peace, Johnny. You came closer to a threesome than most sports bloggers ever will. No idea what was inscribed on your tombstone, but here’s a reasonable guess:

orris-tombstone

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