Finally A Reason For Athletes To Avoid Tax Free States And Come To Missouri

20
Feb
2012

It’s often understated, but oftentimes athletes will join teams that play in states like Florida and Texas, which do not have state income taxes, because — you know — one can only give up so much of $18 million in annual salary. But now comes a new movement from the American Mustache Institute (AMI) that may alleviate that concern for the downtrodden professional athlete.

On President’s Day 2012, AMI launched quite possibly the most important tax-mitigation initiative since the founding fathers created our system of government. It’s called the “Million Mustache March,” which you can learn more about at StacheAct.com. It aims to support the Stimulus to Allow Critical Hair Expense Act or STACHE Act – proposed legislation by a noted tax policy professor that would provide an annual $250 tax refund to people of Mustached American heritage.

Americans can endorse the legislation in two ways: At StacheAct.com, American taxpayers can add a past presidential mustache to a Facebook photo. And, on April 1, 2012, the American Mustache Institute will lead a physical march of one million Mustached Americans from the U.S. Capitol to the White House.

Based on sound economic reason, H&R Block, perhaps America’s leading tax authority, has endorsed the Million Mustache March, agreeing to make a contribution to Millions From One, which delivers clean drinking water to those who cannot obtain it themselves, for every person who participates in the effort either online or in Washington on April 1.

And it’s attracted the attention of celebrities as well, including Milwaukee Brewers pitcher John Axford, legendary musician John Oates, and actress Ellie Kemper from “The Office” — who have all contributed public service announcements in support of the effort.

Brewers pitcher John Axford

But why? Why is this so important, so necessary, so just?

Well, you may not have read this in your history books, but in the mid-1960s, the U.S. government was concerned that Americans traveling overseas were being taunted with cat-calls of “ugly Americans.” Members of Congress reached out to AMI and enlisted our support to improve good looks so that these taunts would be mitigated.

Over the coming years, AMI would do just that – encouraging facial hair growth and improving good looks by 38 percent according to AMI science. But those good looks came at a cost – in the form of American-made facial hair grooming products like beard and mustache trimmers, hair dyes, dynamite and mayonnaise.

Therefore, given the clear link between the growing and maintenance of mustaches and not only good looks but, according to studies, incremental income, it appears clear that mustache maintenance costs qualify for and should be considered as a deductible expense related to the production of income under Internal Revenue Code Section 212.

Hence, the STACHE Act.

Clearly, American taxpayers would be unwise to disregard the intentions of the founding fathers nor civil libertarians like Clarence Darrow. And professional athletes, as destitute as they may be, would be unwise to not consider playing for the Rams, Cardinals or Blues for fear of taxes now — they can just grow a lip garment.

 

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