As a person of Mustached American descent, I have lived a lifetime under a veil of scorn and disdain that continues to target the rugged good looks and laser cocksmanship that typifies the Mustached American experience.
Indeed, even today in what is purportedly a more enlightened America, being a minority is in now way easy.
Enter the St. Louis Rams little-known seventh round draft pick out of Missouri. You may be familiar with him. He was the Southeastern Conference’s Co-Defensive Player of the Year. His name is Michael Sam.
Oh, and as an aside, a little-known fact about Sam besides having a first name for both his first and last name: He is gay.
No, not happy “gay” like the silent film stars of the silver screen in the roaring ’20s. He’s gay “gay.”
Yes, God forbid. A man who likes other men!
Of course, a variety of reactions rolled in after Sam was drafted and seen kissing his boyfriend on camera as the two celebrated one man’s life dream of being drafted into the National Football League. While most were supportive, some could be heard moaning in the rafters. Notably, a foolish strong safety for the Miami Dolphins, Don Jones, scoffed via Twitter after the pick was made and has since been fined and suspended by his employer. Then former Super Bowl champion Derrick Ward was kind enough to tweet, ”I’m sorry but that Michael Sam is no bueno for doing that on national tv….Man U got little kids lookin at the draft. I can’t believe ESPN even allowed that to happen.”
This just in: “no bueno” is not proper Spanish.
Fortunately, however, unlike the way the bigoted clean-shaven masses treated the Mustached American community in the 1980s — publicly shaming our people and forcing us to defecate in Port A Pottys marked “Mustache” — for the most part Sam is being broadly embraced, with the only concern now being that his attention will be too divided to effectively focus on football.
To wit, CafePress is selling apparel reading “Sam I Am. I Am A Ram;” his NFL jerseys are second in sales amongst rookies to only the ass-clown Johnny Manziel; and Opera Winfrey’s worthless television network has even announced they will produce a reality television show about Sam’s hopeful journey into the league.
Is America changing? Will this nation continue to embrace those who have faced discrimination in the past? If Michael Sam is any indication, we can only assume the answer is a resounding “yes” and that American culture is changing its tune of discrimination.