The Shattenkirk Twitter Handle: Clever Word Play or Foul Language?

23
Mar
2012

We at Joe Sports Fan are nothing if not 100 percent completely immature. This is not even up for debate. So when we learned about the Twitter handle of second-year St. Louis Blues defenseman Kevin Shattenkirk, like a second grader that just learned a new dirty joke, we had to share it with anyone and everyone that hasn’t heard it yet.

Are you ready? The Twitter handle of Kevin Shattenkirk is: @shattdueces.

Maybe after reading it just now, it didn’t quite sink in. So say it out loud to yourself, right now. If you’re at the office, say it to the person in the cube next to you. Or say it to your boss. That’s right, it sounds like the past tense of someone taking not one, but multiple poops in a sitting.

Now, we don’t know if Shattenkirk is merely immature enough to write for Joe Sports Fan too, and that’s why he chose this moniker, or if this is just an unfortunate coincidence of a man’s name and number (22) combining to form a thick, brown mass of steaming excrement.

We do know that when we read some of Shattenkirk’s tweets, we see them in a whole new light.

Gross. Mongolian grill and shatting deuces. Seems redundant if you ask me. And I’m betting you’d be more likely to get a little window mercy from Genghis Khan in a crowded car on the way home than a guy that calls himself @shattdueces.

Or perhaps two, as the name implies. Eh Brittney? Howdy ho ho, yum yum yum?

What came about four hours later, Grandma could not be held responsible for.

Yep, nobody gets better “hang” than @shattdueces.

No kidding! Everybody knows that pea green is where it’s at in 2012.

Aw, that’s too bad. When #PaulyWalnuts gets mixed up with @shattdueces, it makes for an interesting, albeit disconcerting, combination.

Come on man! Do you ever have a meal that doesn’t involve downing a pint of melted butter? That might help, you know.

Okay, this is just getting ridiculous now. @shattdeuces retweeting @nachofiesta? Shit talking?

The moral of the story is: Choose your Twitter handle carefully, kids. You never know when a fully grown man with the maturity level of a 9 year-old might read it and think you’re talking about something really gross.

And for God’s sake, crack a window Genghis.

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