NFL.com Ad Featuring Steven Jackson Violates Space-Time Continuum

12
Sep
2012

Despite playing for the worst team in all of professional football (including the SEC) the past five seasons, Rams running back Steven Jackson has maintained enough of a public profile to appear in more than his fair share of national TV commercials.

One of Jackson’s latest spots received some airplay during the NFL’s opening weekend. I saw it a few times, and with each subsequent viewing, it just seemed more and more, well, odd. Take a look for yourself:

Keep in mind, I’m no Rex Reed, but the director has introduced some real continuity issues here that would confuse even the late Stanley Kubrick. Just how is this random dude communicating with Jackson and Texans running back Arian Foster, from what appears to be his back yard? Does he have ESP? A telescreen? A kiddie pool with a precog floating in it? A DeLorean?  I was half expecting the commercial to end with a football jersey in a womb hovering in space above Earth.

Yes, commercials like these are typically not meant to be taken seriously, but when they force us to accept some sort of alternate reality where random people’s back porches are connected to an NFL locker room, they should be obligated to explain themselves a little, even if the justification doesn’t make sense. At least make an effort, NFL.com marketing team.

In spite of the commercial’s violation of basic physics, it would be interesting to see more ads from this campaign that up the ante of bizarreness even further. Maybe instead of his back porch, the random guy seeking NFL apparel could be standing on the surface of the sun, or the bottom of the ocean, or riding in a covered wagon heading west during the American Expansion Era, or possibly storming the Bastille during the French Revolution.

Maybe the athletes could be in places other than the locker room, such as a family thanksgiving dinner, a favorite gentlemen’s club, or at the funeral of a close friend.

Once the advertisers broke through that fourth dimension, the possibilities are endless.

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