Rams Prepare to Honor Fisher’s Mustache, Set World Record

23
Aug
2012

At least in 2012, there are no expectations that the St. Louis Rams are a Super Bowl caliber team. This is understood from the team’s executive vice president/chief operating officer Kevin Demoff to standout RB Steven Jackson down to the deputy equipment washing mechanic.

The legendary lower nose foliage of the team’s new head coach Jeff Fisher, however, is another story altogether. It is indeed a championship upper lip shading device, and the team will honor and celebrate Fisher’s magnificent mouthbrow on Sept. 16 when they host the Washington Redskins in St. Louis.

“Clearly we have great, long-term expectations for Coach Fisher in leading the Rams back to a championship caliber of football on the field,” Demoff told me via email. “But his mustache has made an immediate impact on this franchise and set the tone for what we expect to be a strong season.”

The team will hand out fake Jeff Fisher-style labia sebuculas (Latin for “lip sweater”) in an attempt to set the world record for the most fake mustaches worn in one place at one time.  According to the Rams’ TurfShowTimes blog, the current world record for fake nasal forestry units is just 227. And while details are sparse about the event, the sexual dynamism in metro-St. Louis will increase at least five-fold on that Sunday as a result, according to scientific measurements from the American Mustache Institute.

With a capacity of 66,965, the Edward Jones Dome should without question allow the Rams to set the esteemed new record, creating a sea of faces that are, on average, 38 percent better looking than clean shaven mortals.

To purchase tickets for this historic event, visit the Rams website here.

You’re welcome.

 

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